A
female
age
41-50,
*exas_princess
writes:My boyfriend and I have been on and off for about 2 years now. He is in the Army and ten years younger than me. 6 months into this blissful relationship he got sent to Iraq for 11 months. On R and R, mid deployment he proposed and I accepted. When he went backto Iraq, things fell apart. I wrecked his car, in a careless accident that was my fault, we broke up and after 2 months of begging forgiveness I picked myself up off the floor and started dating again. I dated one person for about 2 months during the break up.A few months after his return home we started seeing each other again... 6 weeks after that (about 3 weeks ago) we decided to give it a real shot and adopt the "boyfriend girlfriend" status once again and be exclusive.Since we got back together he won't say he loves me (unless he's drunk), he leaves me out of his plans a lot, he brings up the past, the car and says that me dating that other guy while we were broken up is CHEATING... etc. He would never cheat on me but he flirts with girls at the club just to "punish" me. I feel like he is on purpose treating me poorly because of our past and me hurting him while he was deployed.He says that he can't forgive me overnight for hurting him so deeply and that my best course of action is just to stick this out til his feelings come back full force. In the mean time, I'm wondering if it will ever be the same and if he's capable of letting go of our bad past in order to move forward with a positive future.I have a lot of love for this man, but I also have too much respect for myself to endure this if it isn't going to ever get better. Also I'm scared I'll set a precident for the relationship and end up a doormat for the duration of it. If anyone has any insight, please give it to me straight!
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female
reader, texas_princess +, writes (22 November 2009):
texas_princess is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks so much guys for your wonderful answers and feedback. Took the advice to heart, dumped the zero and got a hero ;-)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2009): I agree with quiet echo except about the "less special" part of how he feels.
A man's woman sleeps with someone else, and it hurts perpetualy like hell no matter how special he feels to her later on. He could be totally confident that you don't ever want anything to do with that guy again and that guy was nothing compared to him. The incident still wouldn't stop hurting him.
You moving on to another guy after two months is perfectly acceptable. Deep down his logical reasoning probably even agrees that it is acceptable too. But his internal emotions will go right on aching over it anyway and it will never stop.
All you can do is respect yourself and stop taking shit from him now. I think there is probably no winning this one and you just have to get out of it with the least damage that you can.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (8 November 2009):
Going to Iraq has changed who he is. You really havne't done that much. All right, you wrecked his car, but he should be grateful you're alive. And you certainly haven't cheated. I think his time in Iraq is getting to him and he's taking it out on you. I'm afraid this actually happens a lot. You musn't fall into the trap of becoming his doormat for when he gets back. Either he has to stop bringing up the past, or you need to go and make a life for yourself. You haven't done anything wrong really. If her can't understand that, then he doens't understand you and you need to leave.
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