A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm having this issue with my bestfriend right now. we've been Bffls for about 7 years now, but I've recently been dating this guy for about 2 1/2 months. I think he may be the one, and I've told her so. She thinks I'm being stupid. I've never really been successful in the relationship department with guys, but I really think him and I can make things work. I recently lost my car for about half the summer because I had an insurance lapse and I can't afford to pay for it because I don't have a job. She STILL doesn't have her license because she has this phobia about being in a car, but she still gets in them anyway. And she's going to be 21 this year. So I don't have a car, so of course I can't go see her every day like I used to and she doesn't drive. I invite her to do things with my boyfriend and I but she doesn't like the way he drives. So she absolutely refuses to get into his car to go anywhere. Now she's saying that I spend too much time with him and not enough with her. I can't help it that my boyfriend actually has a car and license and doesn't mind picking me up to sleep over or take me places. He does drop me off at her house every now and then, but then I have to find my own ride home because I don't want to be asking him to takes me everywhere. He's my boyfriend, not my chauffeur. So what I'm asking here is this; Is my bestfriend right in saying that I spend too much time with my boyfriend? I need some advice about this situation. I don't know what to do anymore because she's starting to piss me off by saying those things, and how it's my fault I don't have a car anymore to come see her. I wish she could just be happy for me. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Boombadaboom  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 First of, let me make clear, she might be OVERreacting but that doesn't make it any less true. You might have been spending too little time with her compared to what you're both used to or you might have just placed your boyfriend more important than her to you and for being best friends for so long it's very hard to handle, especially when she cares about you very much. Maybe you changed and you don't help her deal with that fact. She might be happy for you if you actually noticed her enough too. In my understanding, your best friend should still be the most important of both. She's been through the most with you and she knows the most about you. Same other way round. The fact that she doesn't want to have a carcrash is something you should understand. It shouldn't be a bother to you, it should just be unquestioned, in fact you shouldn't even need to pop up in your mind anymore. She's got a phobia and you should respect it completely. So your boyfriend is a little wilder on the steeringwheel. If somebody's afraid of water, they only dare go into shallow places too, right? They don't go swim into the ocean. And I think the only reason she said you're being stupid is because you're probably all blissed out without actually noticing or caring enough about some other things. Meaning not stupid about the relationship but stupid about everything else. Sorry, it's just the way it seems to me after reading all of your text. Go for BFF because nobody could be more important, especially no guy you dated for 2 1/2 months.
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