A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been with my live in boyfriend for 15 years. He has given me 2 engagement rings, (not diamonds) but when I told someone we were engaged, he got very angry. I drive him to and from work, as he works in a bar. He lost his license for 3 years and I drove him then as well (5) years total. I love him very much but he refuses to commit. He is still married to his wife, and refuses to divorce her. there are no young children involved. He has watched me cry many times, telling him I am leaving, he hugs and kisses me and says he will divorce her when the time is right. She hangs out at a lot of his gigs. (He is a muscian) I am 47 years old and he is 57 years old. I run his website, facebook, email, and many other things including, sex, cleaning, cooking, laundry and constant companionship. He doesn't seem interested in me, only himself. Rock star image. I have told him I am going to put the house up for sale, Jan. 2013, if he cannot divorce his wife. I no longer want to marry him as he has spoiled that for me. There is absolutely no romance, but there was in the beginning 15 years ago. I give him flowers, chocolates, cards, I sing to him, and nothing. But I do get to pick him up from the bar at 2am. or he says he will not come home.I am just so sad. My debt has gone out of control, $20,000, because I cannot find work, because I have so much work with the demands, Since I started driving him, websites, etc. I am lost, weak and don't know what to do. Please help,and thank-you, Lindalou
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): I am sorry you are going through so much. But I hate to break it to you sweetie after a few years you should have known he is not going to leave his wife especially if there are not any children involved. I believe you deserve better and this man has been using you. And he has very little respect for you. You need to sell the house and whatever else to get back on your feet and do what ever you have to do to get away from that LOSER..Remember Love do not Hurt..I wish you well
A
male
reader, dougbcoll  +, writes (6 June 2012):
 you are his play thing. his cake and eat it too.
he has no intentions of leaving her. 15 years it would be safe to say is not going to leave her.
he is using you for his interest.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 June 2012):
 Kick him out! He's been USING you for 5 years!!
Honey you have doormat written all over your forehead and he keeps wiping his feet in your face.
Sell the house. Find a way to get your finances straight. STOP helping this loser out. If he is "such" a rock star he can afford to pay someone to drive him and to keep his websites up. And he CAN afford to help you out.
He is not going to divorce her. Certainly not if he hasn't after 15 years.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (6 June 2012):
 Hi
Sell your house, clear your debt, lose the man.
Get a rented place, find yourself a job, build a new life.
This man must think he's the dogs gonads with women doing everything for him while he plays the rock star One day you will laugh at him, see him for what he is.
Don't make threats,chuck out the rings and just do it.xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): Leave him. You already spent 15 years with him and you're not getting any younger. You're too kind to him when he treats you like dirt. You're a genuine, loving person who deserves so much better. Stop doing favors and running errands for him. He's lazy, selfish, and ungrateful. Who are you to stoop so low and be his personal assistant? Stop driving him to and from work. So what if he doesn't come home? Let him walk home. Stop running his website/email/Facebook, and cooking and cleaning for him. Stop doing things/everything for him. Stop buying him things and sell the two engagement rings. You've spent too much money on him and you're in debt. Now you have time to sell your home, move out, and get a job. It's not too late to start over, meet the man of your dreams, and accomplish your dreams. But if you don't leave now, you would've wasted your entire life with someone who doesn't care for you. Be strong and best of luck. Remember we're here for you!
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (6 June 2012):
 Why should he go to all the trouble to download his divorce forms on line, fill them out, sign them and drop them off at the courthouse along with a small fee, when in fact he has it made not doing this. He gets you, running around like his personal assistant, and a wife to fall back on should you get fed up and dump his sorry ass. He may be the breadwinner but he's incredible lazy in all other areas. If you no longer want to marry this guy, then clearly you have no future with him. You are stuck in this pathetic rut. Why don't you just leave? Sell your house, pay off your debt and move on. Guess what? He'll go back to his wife and then she can support him and you can find a nice guy to spend your time with. You deserve so much more.
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A
female
reader, jewlstep4174 +, writes (6 June 2012):
 This guy is a real tool! you are so used to living like this , its almost like you go in spurts where you can accept this cause you love him , but then you have days where you just cant deal with it. You need to have those not dealing with it days and get rid of this piece of work. I dont know how someone can stay married and have a long relationship with someone else. He should want to be with you. god , you have together long enough. Does he still love this wife and want you both? and you have let him?
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (6 June 2012):
 STOP DOING THINGS FOR HIM!
Why on Earth would you allow it to get to this point? Give him back the engagement rings.
Is his name on the deed of the house? If not, kick him out. He can stay with his wife.
Do things that YOU enjoy, that give YOU satisfaction or benefit YOU in some way.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 June 2012):
 Wow, this sounds horrible...
Well for starters, you need to leave this guy immediately, how could you date a married man for 15 years??? Does he still live with his wife? or you??
He's just a drain on your life by the sound of things and if he's the reason that you're 20k in debt, you need to cut ties and lose him ASAP and get your life back on track.
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