A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi :)Ok so here's my problem. I have been with my boyfriend for about 18 months and love him very much. He's in his final year of Med School and will be a qualified doctor in July. Obviously he is very busy at the moment with studying and I do my best to be there for him and help and support him.The thing is though, I am also really busy and stressed with college, but I always make the effort to see him. I work my free time completely around him and will drive, get buses etc to see him and be with him. He lives 1.5 hours away. He constantly talks about how annoyed he is that these are the last few weeks we have together before he gets really busy working in hospitals. What I am upset over though is that he never ever makes the effort to come see me, and even when I travel to see him, he often leaves me on my own to go spend time with his friends playing soccer, going to the gym etc.Am I being totally unreasonable for being a bit upset and put out?? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, smith1012  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 If I were in your shoes, I would totally be upset. He should cherish the time you two DO get to spend together, rather than taking it for granted. I will not personally judge him because I do not know him, but he doesn't seem like a very good guy. Honestly, I don't think he is too serious about your relationship, or else he would make an effort. If he has time to hang with the guys, then he has time to spend with you. Don't let him make excuses and don't try to make excuses for him. If he truly loved you, then he would go out of his way to make time for you. I say, confront him about it and hope he changes his ways. If he doesn't then leave him. There are many fish in the sea!
A
male
reader, Jjang19  +, writes (6 March 2011):
The last few months of medschool are much more difficult that the actually first years in the hospital. I am in the same program and basically, you wont get to see him all that much from now until he gets settled in a hospital. You just have to accept that fact and just make the most of your time together rather than stressing. However, if he is straight up ditching you then just confront him and ask why.
...............................
A
female
reader, Battista  +, writes (6 March 2011):
You seem to be doing all the running here. I think you should stop making all the effort and see what happens. At least then you won't need to feel put-out about being the one doing all the travelling. Planning all your spare time around someone is never a sensible thing to do in my opinion because you should have other things going on in your life besides this one person.If he doesn't have much spare time at all then I can see why he might leave you on your own when you come and visit, because presumably he only has a certain amount of time in which to do all his socialising. However, it is not fair on you to have to hang around when he does this. Not wishing to be nasty, but I wonder whether he doesn't have the heart to ask you not to come and visit when he has other things he might want to be doing, but the upshot of that is that you are left hanging about when he has other activities on.I don't think you are being unreasonable about being upset, but it sounds to me like you are making too much effort here, and that is part of the problem. For whatever reason he is not reciprocating this. It might be something as simple as not having enough time, but you need to talk to him about this. We can't know what his reasoning is.I would recommend that you cut back on the travelling and leave it up to him to come and visit you for a change. Plan to do something else in your free time and don't organise it all around him. It's not healthy. Incidentally, my fiance is a doctor, as are many of our friends. Yes your bf is going to be busy but it's not the end of the world. Young doctors these days have it so easy compared to how it used to be, especially now the EU WTD is in place. A and E shifts are difficult for sure but he won't be doing that all the time. Yes he'll be busy but it's not like he won't have any free time.
...............................
A
female
reader, Miss.Knowitall +, writes (6 March 2011):
 He isn't as into you as you are for him. Yes you have a reason to be upset. Word of advice stop chasing him. See if he cares enough to chase you. If not move on he's not worth it.
...............................
|
