A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:the guy i have been seeing exclusively for the past few months recently told me that he didn't think he was in the right place for a relationship, mainly because at the end of the year he is leaving uni and going abroad, but that he does really care about me and wanted to continue seeing me, albeit taking things slowly and being aware that it probably won't continue once he leaves uni. This was about a month ago.Since then everything has continued just as it was, but the thing that is bothering me is that i have never slept with anyone before and i know for a fact that he has. Before he told me he wasn't in the place for a relationship, this didn't bother me because no matter how much of a non-issue sex was him, he wouldn't mind waiting because he's that sort of understanding person and it seemed like we were going somewhere- ie a relationship. Now that i know we're not going anywhere though, i'm scared to tell him because i just don;t get why he would bother waiting for me.. I've already told him i think things might be going a bit too fast for me but im not sure if he knows the extent of my inexperience.. sometimes when were around friends he can talk about sexual things quite flippantly and i just get worried that he is expecting things to progress without it really meaning anything... and i am definitely not ready or willing for the first time i sleep with someone to just be a casual roll in the hay! I don't think he would try and pressure me into anything but he might not stick around either... i suppose i need to tell him but i just don;t know how to do it.. i don't want to make it an issue if it doesn;t need to be... Reply to this Question
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female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (6 March 2011):
 If he is pressuring you without knowing you're still a virgin then it doesn't make sense to me to think he would after you tell him. If anything he should respect and understand your position even better.I think I would tell him by saying something like this,"You know I really like you right? But I'm still a virgin and it wouldn't feel right to me to sleep with someone (you) when we both know the relationship will be over as soon as you leave for UNI. It just wouldn't be emotionally healthy for either one of us". Hopefully he will respect your decision.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2011): I would simply tell him. It may mean stopping the relationship with him and moving on to others who are ready for a relationship. He should have told you at the start that he wasn't in the right place for that instead of dating you for several months so you could have considered your options. I would end it before you get too attached.
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