A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know my plight is not as dire as some and I should consider myself lucky its not worse. I just want to know how to get over my anger and jealousy so we dont have to fight about it anymore!My boyfriend of nearly 6 years (hes in his early thirties so he SHOULD act mature) often will either like his ex girlfriends sexy pictures on facebook and even save them to his phone. He accidentally had the folder with all of the photos up sometime last year when he went to show me something else. I freaked out because its people hes either slept with, told me he wanted to sleep with (why he would do that I dont know), and/or people hes lied to me about trying to go out and see at bars while we were together (several years ago). I dont care how much porn he has or watches or if he has pictures of every half nude model in the world, we are very open about that stuff, but it really bothers me he keeps sexy pictures of girls he knows or has slept with in the past. I dont even care about old photos from when they were together but I wish he didnt still collect them!We've fought about this countless times and today when I found he did it again I dont want to fight anymore, I feel so stupid for being mad at this but I cant seem to not let it bother me! I just cant help that it bothers me so much and it hurts that even though Ive pleaded with him to not do it, he keeps doing it. I know its nothing that bad like cheating or anything, its just facebook and photos but still it hurts!Any advice on what to do to get over this damn issue that just wont go away?
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ex girlfriend, facebook, his ex, jealous, porn Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2012): That is odd because they are people he knows. You're lucky that pictures of porn models don't bother you because I absolutely hate them I don't care if they are not real it's still a picture of someone else.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): "Any advice on what to do to get over this damn issue that just wont go away?"
It won't go away OP because he's not going to stop doing it.
He's crossed a line here OP and one which to me is as bad as cheating.
OP 'liking' a girls sexy photo is a flirtatious act, you're telling that girl she's sexy and you know that's the case. Now saving these girls photos only has one function and that's so he can have a wank later looking at them. Otherwise why do it?
I agree with the others OP this isn't an issue you can let go, it's not something you can get over because he's crossing a line into the realm of cheating.
Both me and my girlfriend use porn, both of us admitted to each other and are okay with having private fantasies of people we know from time to time but he's taking a step beyond fantasy and bringing this stuff into to realm of reality.
I'm with girlfriend the same amount of years and we have to same age difference as you two aswell. I would never accept that kind of behaviour and I would be perfectly willing to give her up if she can't give that kind of thing up. Because what it says OP is that you're not enough for him. He's still thinking about and longing for real girls he's boned or has wanted to bone and that's far too close to home and he's crossed a line.
I personally would tell my girlfriend that the pictures go and she stops doing that or I go. If I caught my girlfriend doing that then I would not let it go OP, I would have her deactivate her facebook for a while and I would go through all her accounts online, twitter, facebook, email addresses and phone to read all her messages to other people because she's given me reason to suspect her and I'd need my mind put at ease, if she refused any of that then I would have to walk away.
As it is we both have full access to each others accounts, neither of us have anything to hide and sometimes need the other to check something etc.
OP your boyfriend is acting single, he's flirting with other girls online and he's downloading their pics for masturbation. What makes you think you should "get over this"? You shouldn't, you need to understand that you're not enough for him and what he's doing is the same as cheating if he hasn't already cheated on you. He's walking all over you and you think you're the one who has to get over it? Who gave you the impression that was how this works? Did you really believe him when he told you it was just harmless fun? He's full of shit OP. You need to sit him down and you need to in all seriousness tell him if he wants act single then perhaps it's better he becomes single. You simply cannot continue on with a guy who is so actively pursuing and ogling over other real life girls. I simply just don't know how you can even trust this guy, have you been through his messages and stuff? I bet you a million bucks it goes further than this.
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A
female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 Why should you have to change your way of looking at this situation? If you feel jealous about your boyfriend's unusual collection, then you feel jealous. That's it. I couldn't blame you for that at all.I have a feeling that your boyfriend has issues with his self-esteem. It seems he likes to stroke his ego by his association with these girls, however distant that association is now. It's sad that he doesn't realise that this isn't actually doing him any good in the real world. Particularly as far as you're concerned. He is just degrading himself and most importantly, he is degrading you at the same time.You may like to advise him to grow up and put the past back where it belongs and then start looking towards the future, because that is where he is heading, like it or not. He has had his chance with these girls and he needs to accept that it's all over.You don't need to get over this issue, he does!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): You can't just make yourself be ok with this when its not in your nature. I don't think that forcing yourself to accept his vices so you can continue the relationship with less pain is the way to go. Its backwards. This is a red flag because he is entertaining being non monogamous and violating the expectations for a committed relationshop AND disregarding your feelings on the matter. You should be asking yourself if this is a sign that you shouldn't be with him. This is a very unhealthy relationship and trying to force yourself to turn a blind eye isn't going to make it better.
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A
male
reader, Nithyanala  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 I think that's a reason to be jealous if there ever was one! Have you tried to explain your misgivings on this issue? I don't think you should "let this go", really. Please resolve this or it may poison your relationship.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 You are not getting over it because it's not something you should forgive. You would be stupid if you don't get bothered by it. In your question it seems like you want to overcome it so you can continue with him. I do think it is a big issue. Your boyfriend (not really) is worse than someone who cheated but is remorseful and making up for it. He is not committing to you in a relationship so let him be single so he can "like" sexy pictures all he wants and not hurt anyone. His ex and all other girls who sent pictures are kind of messed up too. They belong together. You should stay out of this.
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A
female
reader, Martinizum +, writes (28 April 2012):
I wouldnt let that go if I were u..would he want u to have an still collect pics of your exs? Ha doubt it..especially if they were sexy ones..an im sure him liking sexy pics on fb of his exs..gives his exs wrong idea..i would if my ex was saying he liked a sexy pic of me.. I would think he still wants me ...its weird..idk..i wouldnt let it go but thats me..good luck
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