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Boyfriend likes me to refer to him as daddy is this a red flag?

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Question - (31 October 2011) 16 Answers - (Newest, 12 March 2012)
A female Canada age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend sometimes likes to refer to himself or have me refer to him as "daddy". Is this a red flag that he's someone i should never have a child with, or am I overthinking this?

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A female reader, CrAzYbLuEeYeS United States +, writes (12 March 2012):

You are over thinking it. My fiance and I call one another Mommy and Daddy all the time (of course we started doing it once we had kids, but that does not matter). There is nothing wrong with that he is asking.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2011):

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"no it sounds to me like he's watched enough porn in his day that he thinks that it's hot to be called daddy during sex."

LMAO that's probably EXACTLY what it is! That sounds just like him OMG LOL!I just about pissed myself laughing. That's definitely it.Thank you. Hah.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (2 November 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntno it sounds to me like he's watched enough porn in his day that he thinks that it's hot to be called daddy during sex.

my boyfriend is much younger than me and he calls me baby all the time...

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A female reader, tjf5676 United States +, writes (2 November 2011):

tjf5676 agony auntNo, the man that I was with had a young daughter and I never saw any signs of abuse whatsoever. It's just the idea of a grown woman submitting to him...but not that I was actually like a little girl. Do you look like a little girl? Are you extremely petite? Or have a young look to you? Either way there are many men who preferred to be called Daddy but they don't actually sexually abuse their daughters or little girls. No worries, trust your instincts.

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (2 November 2011):

Hi. What makes you hot about when he says this to you during lovemaking, is probably the somewhat "forbidden fruit" feeling of it - which is almost like an incestuous relationship between family members. In thought only, of course.

Over time as someone else said here, it could be difficult to know what is real and what is not. It's like living in a fantasy world all the time.

Perhaps this is what turns you on about it.

Another thing to keep in mind is, if you start to get tired of it - and you might, in time - where will the relationship go to then?

And if it does happen that you become bored with this type of thing, you will probably find that beyond the fantasy like relationship, that there is nothing else.

He might want to keep on with it - or he might tire of it himself. It could be that then you will be both looking for something else to replace the fantasy with.

And then you might come to a dead end.

You also could find that when you really look hard at the relationship, that beyond the daddy / baby girl thing, that it's got nothing very meaningful going for it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hey everyone, thanks for your responses. I don't mind it at all- actually, it gets me really hot. I was just worried that it might mean he would be sexually abusive towards girl children. Has anyone else had experience with this? Have you known guys who were into this who were or were not safe with children?

I know he does like to take care of me and pet me. He never calls me little girl, just baby, which i love. he's never TOLD me to call him "daddy", he just occasionally says stuff like "get ready, baby, daddy's coming over" or "come to daddy" (both while were engaged sexually and non-). He hasnt done it much, i was just curious.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011):

it's not something that i personally would get excited over, but i think it;s nothing perverse. Some men like to feel dominate in the bedroom and it's kinda like the idea of a sugar daddy. It does not mean that your other half is having a incest fantasy and has a thing for children. So don't panic. If you are not sure about it then talk to him. Don't go along with something you are not comfortable with. Maybe suggest that you call him sir instead if you don't like calling him daddy.

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A female reader, tjf5676 United States +, writes (1 November 2011):

tjf5676 agony auntOk so I spent 6 months in a Dadd/babygirl relationship. It's kind of an alternative/kinky type of relationship but I can give you insight that I think others can't. In a real DaddyDom/babygirl relationship it's based on the principle that a Daddy cherishes and adores his babygirl and always strives to help her be the best she can be...naughty girls get punished (teasingly or lightly) and good girls get rewarded. In the same sense a babygirl strives to make Daddy happy and loves the attention he gives her. Now, having spent 6 months in the lifestyle I can tell you it's not for everyone. It's hard not to get confused with what's your real relationship and what's a role. If you have any questions...just ask me.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (1 November 2011):

Ciar agony auntIt's not my cup of tea but I have heard of it. It's not necessarily a red flag, but it should give you some indication of the kind of relationship your boyfriend wants with you.

A 'daddy' or father figure represents a protector, provider and someone in authority. Not usually an equal. It sounds like your boyfriend wants to take care of you and call the shots, like a father would his children.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (1 November 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntNancy Regan called Ronnie Daddy. My grandmother sometimes called grandpa Daddy...

Did you ask him WHY he wants to be called Daddy? I think that's an important component of this.

My boyfriend and I have nicknames for each other. Mine is Critter... most folks think that it's HORRIBLE that a man who loves me calls me Critter... they think it's an insult. I think it's cute.... it's a name derived from something i did that amused him so it's all about the context...its' not meant as an insult.

IF Daddy is not about a power play or anything else sinster then I don't have an issue with it. IF YOU have an issue with it, then tell him no and tell him why.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011):

I've heard of people being into that. Personally it would put me off him completely but if you don't mind then I'm sure there's nothing sinister about it. I like my boyfriend to call me a slut and worse, it doesn't mean I am or consider myself to be one.

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A female reader, meccamega Australia +, writes (1 November 2011):

I Also think it's a power thing, like he's the boss.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011):

some guys want girls to call them daddy cause they want to be the father of your children so maybe he wants to be your baby's daddy or maybe hes just caught up in the moment

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (1 November 2011):

tennisstar88 agony auntI know some women date men who possess the same traits as their father but calling your boyfriend, "Daddy" is just ridiculous.

Is he older than you? Is he wealthy? Does he shower you with lavish gifts and often foot the bill? More of a sugar or pimp daddy.

He sounds like he's a bit full of himself at his age. I wouldn't necessarily discredit him as husband material. But I would firmly tell him, you won't be calling him by his nickname anymore.

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (1 November 2011):

Hi there. Perhaps he means by that, that he wants to control you and all the decision making.

If he treats you pretty well and with respect and dignity, well then you might not have too much of a problem.

The next time he does say about calling him "daddy", you could politely ask what he means by that. And ask him why does he want you to call him daddy.

He is NOT your father, obviously.

Just have him clarify it to you.

If he literally wants you to call him "daddy", which implies like he is a father figure, well then it could be a parent child relationship that he is wanting - which isn't normal really. Not in a romantic relationship anyway.

It also puts control of the relationship and everything about it, completely in his hands.

So for that reason, you need to be absolutely sure about exactly what he is meaning, when he says that to you.

So from now on, be very aware of how he acts around you and how he treats you.

He might be a control freak. "My way or the highway!"

Believe me, you DO NOT want that. No sir.

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A male reader, lakers_lover09 United States +, writes (1 November 2011):

Sounds normal if its during sex. I dnt think,its anything serious unlesss he starts callin u daddys lil girl or somethin lol you should be fine

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