A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been going out with a woman for a few weeks and i feel a big connection with her. Everything feels easy and we get along great. The only thing that concerns me is her past. She has told me she was very flirtatious when she was in her late teens/early twenties (she is 33 now).However, this was when she was single and not in relationships. She also told me she had an std twice around this age that has been eliminated. She said one of her exes was paranoid about her going out and flirting with people, which angered her as she never did when in relationships. She has had a slightly above average amount of partners but nothing out of the ordinary and says she has never cheated. I have been cheated on before and raised my concern at her apparent flirtatious behaviour and she couldnt really understand it and said she had been honest with me and had only ever flirted when single. I dropped the issue but in the last few days i saw her and she was wearing a 'little miss naughty' t shirt under her top (not on public show). I also noticed she had 'liked' a facebook group with a sexual meaning a few weeks ago when she was single. I again became wary and raised the issue. She didnt see much wrong with the facebook thing as a friend had shown her it, she thought it was funny so 'liked' it too. She also said that she had worn the t shirt for her previous boyfriend in private (this is possible as this was the scenario i saw it in) I cant decide whether my past experiences have made me ultra sensitive to this sort of thing and that im being unfair, especially as she has been single when flirtatious....... or that i am right in possibly ending this relationship due to my concerns? I am aware that most people in their early thirties will have some kind of past...
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facebook, flirt, her ex, her past, std Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 Your past experiences have made you ultra sensitive to this sort of thing.
Flirtatiousness isn't exactly my style either, but what you're describing doesn't raise any red flags for me. She has never cheated, she wasn't promiscuous and it sounds like she's been truthful with you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): Facebook is nothing. Joining dating sites would prove her desperate,shameless or a loser. If that was the case i could understand you. The truth is, she is a catch and you know it. She is with you now so dont spoil things.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (1 November 2011):
She obviously like you, as she is being very open and honest with you.
You should be careful, you are acting a little over the top like you are criticising her behaviour.
If she was to tell one of her friends about you bringing up things like what groups she is liking, or what clothes she is wearing, they will tell her RED FLAG.
I think you need to watch what you are thinking and saying, as you may ruin this opportunity at a new relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): She isnt on any internet dating sites or looking for sex. I also have not seen any evidence of external flirtation when we are out together. I think my past issues have caused me to magnify everything and i guess i might have messed it up already.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 It is hard to trust again, when you have been burnt in the past. But if you want to move forward with your life, you have to let go of the past. I feel this girl is trustworthy, as she has been open with you. Let the suspicions go and enjoy yourself. If it doesn't work out, for whatever reason, you will at least have made progress within yourself, growing as a person. Good luck to you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): I am all for being honest in a relationship but sometimes too much information is given out.
Her total openess regarding her past has now made you insecure and suspicious.You have to relax,she's just a fun girl who made the most of being single.Dont spoil it all by doubt.
If she wanted to continue being a flirt she wouldn't be with you. But if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen... as they say.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): If she had a history of cheating then I could understand your concern. Your past experiences have got nothing to do with this girl. She has done nothing wrong. She may be sexually confident,but that does not mean she`s a cheat or sleeps with everyone. I am not convinced you are not jealous or threatened by her bubbly personality. Liking a group with a sexual meaning on facebook was probably a giggle. Is she on dating sites without your knowledge or looking for sex on the internet? If you dont end this relationship,then she just might do it for you. I take it you have not got a sexual history?
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 She was clearly wearing the t-shirt for you or she wouldn't have covered it up. Being flirtatious while you're single has nothing to do with remaining monogamous. I've liked lots of weird stuff on facebook. Unless she pressed like on a group called "I like cheating on my boyfriend" a sexual innuendo is nothing to worry about. I think you're reading way way way too much into this. If she was a cheater she wouldn't say "I love to flirt with other men."
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