A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i have been dating my current and first boyfriend for half a year now. everything has been going well except for several lies and behaviors surrounding the issue of his only ex-girlfriend who he dated for 7 years (albeit 5 years of that was long distance)he lies about the most random things: what college she went to, if he met up with her after their breakup (but before me), if he or his family are still in contact with her, the fact that our boss thinks she is his current girlfriend, if a cropped picture of him had her in it, etc. i have never been a jealous or possessive girlfriend... i've always been accepting of his ex and even expressed my awe when he stated that he had never contacted her after the breakup (which was a lie as i found out later). i encouraged him to get back in touch with her since he said her family has always had monetary issues and having been her boyfriend for 7 years, i felt that he should at least check in to see how's she's doing. he told me details of their sex life and i never judged or got mad...as i found out about the lies, one by one, i began to care and annoy him about his ex more and more. but what i was pointing to was not what he did in the past, but his decision to lie to me during our relationship... i have told him countless times to tell me the truth about the past and that i can handle it (and have indeed demonstrated that i can...) but he still continues to lie. and still allows me to find remnants of her pictures and belongings among his stuff... i used to not care when i found pictures of her lying around but recently, due to all this lying, it has become really uncomfortable to find out how much of her things he still keeps around or has not bothered to clean out... i really don't know what to do... he insists that he loves me a lot more than he loved his ex... etc etc etc but it's hard to believe when he doesn't treat me with respect concerning the topic of his ex
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ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous, long distance, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all your answers!!while i will admit that right now, i'm not able to handle his past very well, but up until all the lies, i have been able to. i never brought her up and in fact, he was the one who mentioned her. things about her that were similar to me, things his parents still tell him about her, their sexual past. he voluntarily told me all that information without any prodding from me. he also voluntarily told me that he never talked to her after their breakup....if you want to volunteer information, the least you could do is be honest about it. it's like he was fabricating a web of lies about his ex to make me feel more comfortable about it when i did not express any interest in knowing the truth in the first place. that's what i don't understand. and because of all the lies, i have begun to care about his past with her and why he feels the need to lie about this in the first place. i never ask him about him and his ex, just why he lied about certain things.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2011): I am sorry but you may think you can handle the truth about his past, but obviously you can't! You are demonstrating this every time you bring his ex up. He doesn't have to tell you anything about his past, because it is not relevant to your relationship, and really is none of your business, it happened in his life before you came along. He does not have to tell you anything, and may have just told you what he thought you wanted to hear instead of telling to mind your own business and stop asking him about it. It isn't that he isn;t treating you with respect concerning the topic of his ex, it's that your not respecting him concerning the topic of his ex. He doesn't have to tell you about his past relationship with her, it was between the two of them and has nothing to do with you, so stop asking him and realise that he loves you.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 December 2011):
 If you want him to be honest with you, then you're going to have to start by being honest with yourself and then with him.I think the real reason you doubt his love for you is because his ex-girlfriend was his first so you assume she has imprinted herself on him in a way you can't compete with and you're using his 'lies' as a face saving way of expressing those fears. You've been stockpiling information about her in hopes that you can figure out what it is you think captivates him, when in fact she doesn't captivate him at all. She captivates you.Your boyfriend is not with her anymore and he is under no obligation to keep tabs on her family. You only encouraged him to do so so you could keep tabs on her. Most people wouldn't care enough about a partner's ex to remember all these details and compare notes. And I don't think your boyfriend is volunteering all this information. You're asking him questions and manipulating the conversation to fish more out of him. He's being evasive, partly because he doesn't care enough about the past to remember every detail exactly as it happened, and partly because he senses something is up and he's unsure of your motives. You're young and inexperienced and I suspect because all this is so new to you, you can't imagine not loving forever the first person you had sex with. You haven't gotten that far yet, so let me give you an analogy to help you.Think of a food you once loved but now can't stand. You may always remember that you loved it, but it is an intellectual memory only. Your taste buds can't actually recall what it's like to enjoy it. Does that make sense? It's kind of like that with sex and relationships.
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A
female
reader, sneha09  +, writes (25 December 2011):
 Find out if he is lying about his ex only or stuffs about her or he lies usually about other aspects too.Many people has got the habit of hiding themselves without any reason and they lie to hide things which we are going to find immediately.
If he is lying about his past only,don't bother to ask him about it.Let it be in his world.
Try to know how much he is connecting his ex now and is there something thats make u think he is ignoring you?Give it time as 7yrs relationship is a bit difficult to forget.So don't get bothered about past,stand by him and wait till he speaks out about it.
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