A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everybody,My boyfriend and I have been together for 1 and 1/2 years. We are both 21 and have been living together for a year. A few months ago, I found out that he had been chatting and emailing another girl. She lived in another city and their chats were innocent but he tried to hide and lied about her until I confronted him with indisputable evidence and he came clean. I know nothing happened with her but I told him that honesty was the most important thing. I'm okay with him having friends that are girls, I just don't want him to lie to me. Today, he was writing an email and I asked who it was to and he said a male friend from his childhood, but then I saw that it was to a girl. I told him if he ever lied to me again I would leave. But this second girl lives in colorado and they went to high school together. I'm wondering if I should leave him for lying or just let it go because I'll just end up hurting myself more in the process. I'm hurt but we have become dependent on each other (i'm referring to rent, bills, food, we share a car) It would set me way back to move out, especially since we have a lease...But besides leaving him, how do I make it clear that lying is not ok? Any advice would be helpful Reply to this Question
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female
reader, gigi309 +, writes (1 October 2009):
Hi~
This is a really old post and I hope by now your situation has been resolved. But I when I read this, I felt the need to reply!
NO LIE IS ACCEPTABLE! He only lies for two reason, one: because he is guilty of something or two: he is an insecure person and cannot deal with any kind of confrontation, no matter how small.
Either one is wrong so move on and find happiness with someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated!
A
female
reader, lola16182  +, writes (11 May 2009):
I agree...explain to him that lying hurts you. Also mention that if he keeps lying it's going to affect your trust in him (if it hasn't already) and that without trust there is no relationship. Ask him if he really wants to take that risk.
Definitely tell him you are okay with him having female friends so you don't come off as controlling (so many men try & throw that back at you).
Did he give you any reason as to why he lied? See what his answer is and reply here. Oh and make sure to ask him this in person, not on computer, text or phone because that way you can see his facial expressions & if he hesitates or gets nervous when he attempts his answer. Actions speak louder than words.
It's quite ironic, I'm 21 & just ended my 1 1/2 year relationship over a chronic, no more like pathological liar type boyfriend. He would lie about talking to girls, but in this case he would go out drinking with these girls & hide it from me & would not even invite me out. Oh and he wouldn't let me meet these girls ever. Yeah DING DING, there's a cue. But the difference between you and I is that at least your boyfriend admitted it to you, well after you confronted him. Mine would still stand there & claim his innocence, even if I had proof, and then he would make up a new lie to cover the one he just said. For example he messaged his friends that "Me and my gf aren't working out, but i'll come to your party Saturday, oh and bring single friends :)" ---so I confronted him & without hesitating he said "yeah I told them to bring single friends for my friend". I was like if they were for your friend u would have said that, & why would u mention just before that that things weren't working with us? So be aware, some guys are just THAT GOOD at lying that they don't hesitate or blink, and they will swear to you while looking you in the eye that they are innocent.
Obviously I didn't fall for his load of crap. It took me 6 months to finally leave him. So do yourself a favour and first ask him the reason, and if it sounds ridiculous & false it probably is. Go with your gut. If he can't tell the truth & hides things from you...you can do so much better. You deserve more in your life than being with someone who disrespects you by lying. ONCE A LIAR ALWAYS A LIAR
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A
female
reader, forbiddenlove1996 +, writes (10 May 2009):
 i think you should ask him why would you lie about anything if theres nothing going on and reassure him that you dont care if you have friends who are girls and tell him that you just hate it when he lies to you, amd then if he keeps doing it i think you should leave you dont deserve a liar.
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