A
female
age
30-35,
*rcanora
writes:Hi. My boyfriend went on a night out that resulted in me not hearing from him for over 24 hours. He said he had ended up drinking all night with some guy he met and tried to get cocaine too. While doing this he also decided to ignore my messages because he didn't want to get into an argument with me. He has also gotten angry at me for 'guilt tripping' him and asking a million questions. Should I stay?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 June 2018):
 I agree strongly with Honeypie.
It depends fromm your opinion about drugs and binge drinking. If you are not into them yourself, and / or if you'd prefer a boyfriend who does not drink to excess and does not do drugs, then yes, dump him, you are ill suited to each other.
If you don't have a problem with his excesses , but just with the fact that he did not let you hear from him for 24 hours,- I suggest you too to be realistic. You may have the same problem with a church- going, pillar -of-the-community type of guy. Having a girlfriend should not feel like having a surveillance electronic anklet. Why should your bf ( in general, not just this one ) not be able to chill one night with his friends, without reporting to base every 30 minutes ? Why can't he just call you in his own good time, the day after , and tell you at his own leisure what he did, where he went, what he ate etc. ? Why can't he enjoy a few hours on his own, in company of other people who aren't you, without you tryong to interrupt him and distract him with your text and calls ? If he were, say, in an office meeting, or at some social function where you were not invited - you would not go there in person and try to gain admission every 30 minutes or so, would you ?
So, while your boyfriend's choices in terms of entertainment ( booze and cocaine ) may be questionable, it's not the same for his legitimate desire to spend occasionaly a few hours on his own without all hell breaking loose on your side, and his desire of not having to be subjected to a third grade every time he 's out of your sight for a little while.
So, yes, he seems a wrong choice as a boyfriend, unless you are a big partygirl yourself who shares his tastes.
But also if you decide to make better choices in your love life for the future, still that does not mean that you should not use common sense, maturity and discretion in the way you communicate and keep contact with them.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (28 June 2018):
 Yes, stay . . . if this is all you think you are worth and if this is how you want to spend night after night, wondering where he is and what is doing.
It's all about choice. It is HIS choice to go out drinking and taking drugs. It is YOUR choice whether to be part of that.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (28 June 2018):
 If my friend (former boyfriend) goes out, I usually ask him if he can let me know when he gets back safely, if it's at night, just because it's a dangerous world and I'd ask my family and other friends the same. He sometimes texts me, so I'll reply, but I wont ask lots of questions.
I think you are being a bit overbearing/suffocating and, in future relationships, should leave it at the minimum when they're going out.
However, severe drinking and doing drugs really isn't good. It's dangerous, unhealthy, reckless and it's something that can intensify your distrust and worry because you can't predict the situations they will end up in.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (27 June 2018):
 If you don't want to date a guy who drinks and does drug, then yes. End it.
But let's be realistic here for a few. WHY can your BF not go out on a night out without having to CONSTANTLY text or call you? I know you are from the age group that don't remember life before cell phones but let me SUGGEST that a HEALTHY relationship means you CAN be just fine without having to "check up" or "chat" constantly with a partner. I think it's HEALTHY when a couple also socialize WITHOUT each other here and there - OBVIOUSLY not if it centers around booze and drugs.. that is never healthy.
I thinks it a BIT overbearing and controlling if you FEEL you have a "right" or "need" to text him when you know he is out with friends. To me it feel like hovering and honestly, a bit intrusive. Same would go for you if you went out on a girls night out.
If he is on a night out, YOU do whatever you want socially, go hang out with family and/or friends or spend the evening with a good book and a glass of wine or Netflix and pizza... You enjoy that little respite and time for yourself.
Now, this guy you are seeing might just not BE a good fit for you, and I don't mean the whole "didn't talk to you for 24 hours" but rather the whole heavy drinking and trying to score drugs/doing drugs. That just sound utterly immature and like a "party-boy".
And if you take some time to actually re-think your relationship and find that you two really don't HAVE a lot in common and it doesn't seem to be what you want, then you END it.
BUT LEARN from this to you next relationship. Dating someone doesn't mean they HAVE to be available 24/7 or entertain you 24/7 or be glued to your hip 24/7.
If I may be so frank, I can see why he ignored you and your million questions. Who wants to be interrogated by their GF? Sure, no one expects the Spanish inquisition but to be dating one? Can't be fun. So I do get why he also got angry with what HE felt was guilt tripping if you are a bit over the top with wanting to know every minute detail of what he does when you can't WATCH over him.
I think you both need to mature and grow up a little.
And yes, I do think dating this guy is a mistake.
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