A
female
age
51-59,
*ojo69
writes:hi im in a new relationship but had problems already my boyfriend kept all hes exes letters photos and numnbers after telling me he had got rid of them .its only been over a month and i dont want to lose trust .
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): I believe lying about it was wrong, but he did not want to create an argument...How do you know he still has them? Ask him, to put them away so that you can't see them. Honestly though I think you should lossen up. Maybe just let him know that the fact that he has them does not bother you, just the fact that he lied. If indeed this is how you feel.
A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (7 February 2012):
I think it is totally normal to keep photos etc as memories of our lives. Clearly if one partner is constantly looking at or dreaming about their past then a current partner has some justification to complain. Also if the photos are too explicit then they should be kept hidden. There is something strangely reassuring to know the story of your life is documented. My mother recently died and I have a boxful of photos that are fascinating, and a bit sad.
It might just be my male perspective but I think women have more of a jealousy issue knowing other women once loved their partner. Indeed my wife also wanted all my old photos destroyed. I was an avid photographer when younger and I had a lot! I have now scanned every one and carry them in a hidden dir on my phone and laptop!!
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A
male
reader, wiseoldman +, writes (7 February 2012):
My late mother had a box (which I have now) full of stacks of letters and pictures from soldiers/boyfriends she was corresponding with during WW2. My late father knew about them, never mentioned them, and never asked her to get rid of them. The other aunties are right- back off, and leave this matter alone, now and forever, no matter how long you two are together.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Wow.. he's only known you a month, and already you demanded he destroy all the photo's and things he's had for decades, long before he met you. He'd be an idiot to do this. He's spent a lifetime collecting them memories, and after a couple of weeks they'd be gone and couldn't be replaced.Your 41-50, so you've been in relationships before and he met you when you were probably single. What happens when him and you break up. No girlfriend, no memories, no nothing. I think you have more than trust to loose, I think if you continue like this, he'll keep the pictures and replace you with somebody less possessive.Women that you've known only a couple of weeks, who demand you destroy stuff and then go to a Dear Cupid site for relationship problems, rarely stay with you until the day you die. Especially if your over 40, the chances of you actually being able to change your life so dramatically because someone you hardly know demands it, is very unlikely.I couldn't continue a relationship with somebody who after a month, thinks she owns me.
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (6 February 2012):
This is a new relationship and maybe a bit too early to be setting boundaries.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2012): I have photos, cards etc of ex's from my past in a box of special things I want to keep. It means nothing in the here and now, they are just memories. He should not have to erase every sign that he has had a past - it is the here and now that is important. He probably told you that he had got rid of them to please you but then, why should he? I would not get rid of my special mementos for anyone. Forget it - photos and phone numbers mean nothing if what you have is special and worth pursing.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (6 February 2012):
 You write: "....after telling me he had got rid of them.."
Did you tell (insist) this new B/F that you expected him to get rid of any/all things related to his past?
If you did, then you aren't coming across as much of a prospect for a "new" G/F... since your insecurity/jealousy/control needs are showing.
The submittals that precede this one have given you a fair perspective on why I would add this one.....
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 February 2012):
 I have a couple of photo albums from my life before I got married, there are at least 1 ex in there somewhere. THOSE are MY memories and has nothing to do with my husband.
I think he told you he got rid of them to get peace. He shouldn't have lied, but told you that those are his memories from HIS past, you do know he had a life before you? right?
I can't see why he has to get rid of them, honestly.
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