A
female
age
22-25,
*ayameow
writes:I know this sounds kind of common but my boyfriend is becoming very distant and cold fast. I'll tell him something that's important in my life right now, and he seems to ignore it and either try to talk about something unrelated or basically tell me I need to leave. He practically has a schedule for when we can see each other, which is another problem for me. I feel like I'm overly clingy at this point due to it coming to this point, but he doesn't tell me upfront. He also seems less interested in our relationship and avoids talking about the future. He jokes around a lot about some serious things, but I'm starting to lose my patience. He gets annoyed fast and doesn't seem to see that the stuff he does hurts, and when he tells me that he doesn't want to see me for days at a time, it makes me question my value to him. I'm just losing my patience, but he means a lot to me. I'd like to think its a genuine misunderstanding on my end, but it hurts to see him so uninstered in me.Please help!! Do I end things here? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (10 January 2015):
How does he treat his mother? Are you finding yourself having to baby his feelings? Then I would advice to step back and give him some room to grow. Surely, his crazyness does not have to stop you from enjoying life :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2015): You're both only between 16-17 years old! You may be insulted by this, but you're still kids! You're old enough to make some major decisions; and take more responsibility for your actions than you used to be. You're no longer children.
You can't look too far into the future about relationships. They're not meant to last but so long at your age. It's healthier to have other things to do; other than being with him, or constantly texting him when you're not.
That is because you're still in the early stages of your mental and psychological development. When pairing up is experimental. You're establishing your sexual-identity, and you're going through a series of trial-relationships to learn what it all means, and how to have one. Just like you learn things in school according to your age and level of understanding. You're learning about liking boys and being a couple. Boys progress slower in this area. As you're beginning to see for yourself. Not just your boyfriend, most boys. Many adult-men, as you'll learn when you reach your twenties and older.
Perhaps he feels you complain a lot, and get too deep for him. Kids around your age should be carefree and having fun. He gets tired of acting like grown-ups, or a married-couple. Enjoy being a teen while it lasts! It's gone before you know it. Then you have to worry about college, jobs, and paying the bills.
You should be hanging out with other people your age, going to the movies, and coming-up with ideas to party-away your weekends. Minus alcohol consumption or drugs, of course! You can't spend your every waking-moment clinging to your boyfriend. He has other friends, and buddies he wants to get out and do guy-stuff with. He still wants to be with you, but not all the time. He doesn't want you mad at him.
Young ladies your age are far more mature than guys the same age. You take relationships more seriously.
Guys just want to fool-around and experiment with sex.
They want to check-out different girls, and sometimes they still act rather boyish. You're trying to grow-up too soon.
I think you may be laying too many of your problems on him, and he just gets antsy or disinterested in listening to you complain. You have to be a little more upbeat. Tell him what's good happening in your life. Not just the bad things.
If you always seem depressed, sad, or angry; how long do you think someone can put up with that? You don't want to always be a downer. He runs out of ideas to keep you happy and entertained. He can't always think of ways to cheer you up. He sometimes would rather spend his time doing something else. Doing something girls usually find stupid, immature, or typical of knuckle-headed boys his age.
How serious can a 16 year-old guy be about a relationship?
How serious can a 16 year-old boy be about anything?
Adolescent boys have short attention-spans. He's probably dying to go play a video game! Boyfriends are not just a shoulder to cry on. They love to see you smile! It makes him feel happy too. It means all is good. Do you listen when he talks, or is it always about you?
No! You don't have to end anything, my dear. Only if he's mean to you, or ignores you all the time. If he doesn't care about your feelings; or if he is disrespectful to you.
You have to make sure you're dividing your time with other friends; to spread out your visits with your boyfriend.
If you take-up too much of his time, he gets bored. That's why he seems cold and distant. His mind is wandering and he's thinking about other things; or other places he'd rather be. Guy stuff. At the same time, he doesn't want you to feel alone.
If you don't have many other friends, he has to spend all his time keeping you company. So you won't be lonely. Then it feels like he's babysitting, instead of dating. He will get bored if all you talk about when you're together is your problems. If he admitted this was the reason; that would really hurt your feelings, or break your heart. He has to be careful about that; so he doesn't know the right way to tell you. Like I said, he's just a kid!
Let your parents know if you feel depressed or moody all the time, and can't seem to shake it off. That means you might need to see the doctor. If you have seen a doctor, and you're being treated for an anxiety disorder or depression; your boyfriend just doesn't know how to handle it when you're down. If your family has a lot of problems, don't take all that on your young shoulders. You have a right to just be a kid. Don't worry about things, have some fun, and not be too serious all the time.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (10 January 2015):
 If you're 16/17, that's a young age to be talking about any future beyond the next few years, and even then, it should really be about education and job prospects. You're probably getting too "heavy" for him emotionally.
That said, if he won't talk about why he won't see you much or seems distant, maybe it's showing you that the relationship has run its course :/
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