A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My on again off again boyfriend of three years has been in jail now for a month he keeps calling, having his family call, and write me i dont think i want to be with him anymore because he is accused of rape and kidnap but he has yet to tell why is in jail he just keeps trying to contact me and get me to put money on his book i want to have his back and be there for him but if he really raped somone then i dont but i feel really betrayed wat do i do
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 After three years together dont you think you deserve to know the truth? I think you do. If he wont give it to you, then the question isnt whether he is in fact guilty or not, but that he is hiding this huge thing from you. How can you just not tell your significant other that you are in jail?? Has he not been allowed to contact you yet? If you have not been able to speak to him (I dont know anything about prison rules...) then maybe wait until you get a chance before you do anything, so he can have a chance to explain himself. There should at least be a trial, he doesn't just get sent to jail like that? You said he was accused for kidnapping and rape, but has he been convicted (by the sounds of it he has since he is in jail already). If he is convicted, but still doesn't explain things to you, you know he is definitely hiding things from you, possibly because he is guilty but want you to continue sending him money. Either way, if you already feel that you want out, then get out. Even if he is innocent, you are tired of this relationship? Then you can leave. Besides this will always be on his record, and will affect his future. So if you stay with him, this will affect your future as well.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe never told me why he was in jail he just had his sister to call me.... I found out his charges by looking online he nor his family has told me yet and i dont think they know that i know
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 April 2010):
Is there no way you can talk to him about what happened in confidentiality? Maybe he can write you a letter explaining why he is in jail? Why does he want money from you, and can you afford sending him money? This all sounds very fishy and you are providing us with little detail. If this is truly all you know I'd sugest you up and leave because he is keeping you in the shadow.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (14 April 2010):
 I wouldn't assume he was guilty, but I wouldn't assume he was innocent, either. These are VERY serious charges and not to be taken lightly; he wouldn't be locked up for a month WITHOUT BAIL if these charges didn't have some merit. Plus the fact that he's not telling you what happened is not a good sign.
Don't send him a dime until you get more details on what's going on. His case might be a matter of public record, so you may be able to go to the courthouse and find out more about the charges.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 You are very young, I don't see why you should be putting money on his book, and I wouldn't be. I don't know how the law works where you are but sweetspicy's suggestion to visit his parole officer seems like a good one.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Your b/f is innocent until proven guilty . He has only been accused of rape and kidnap. He has to face a trial before he is judged guilty.
I am not sure if rape and kidnap is a non bailable offense in the US but if it is bailable and he is still in jail, it means that no one has come forward to bail him out yet.
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A
female
reader, sweetspicy +, writes (14 April 2010):
 When he gets out of jail chances are there will be some kind of follow up with his probation officer/ P.O. they will ask him a series of questions, if it was statutory rape they will ask him if he has a girlfriend, go with him when he has to see the probation officer and talk to this officer with your boyfriend next to you. Tell the officer you are sexually involved with your boyfriend and want answers, that you are unaware of what happened. You will get your answers!
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (14 April 2010):
 hmmm, has he been tried and convicted of rape, first of all rape and kidinapping can net a life sentence, i dont think you should turn your back on him just yet but you need to get all the facts straight, I dont judge people and i beleive in forgivness but if he is convincted of this he could be loked up along time secondly what future would you have with him.
I would suggest getting in contact with him get all the facts then make your decision
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