A
male
age
41-50,
*smcrivera
writes:I have been in a 13 yr marrage and now I have distroyed it by cheating on my wife. I had paid for an erotic massage and I am extremly embarresed about it. My wife says that I am upset because I got cought. I am not I am distroyed because I hurt her and I never keep up with my promises. She has given me till the end of the school year to be able to be with the kids but she will not budge on her decission for divorce. My question is Can there be life after cheating with my wife? In other words how can I save my marrage? Mind you that she is extremly upset and is not listening to anything I have to say nor is it making a difference.
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (17 April 2010):
 How on earth did you get "caught"? It isn't that difficult, really, to keep that kind of thing discreet.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): I wouldn't listen to you either. Stop crying about how she's not listening to you and think about what you did to her. Why are people always on here crying about how their lives are ruined after they cheated? Of course your relationship is ruined, and you ruined it. Its even worse that you sought out and PAID for an erotic massage. You can't even say that it just happened. You are fortunate that she is even giving you this long with the kids. You can't save your marriage. She can choose to stay or leave, not you. The ball is in her court and she can do whatever she wants with it. Start acting like you are actually sorry for what you did. Hint: when a person can only complain about themselves they aren't thinking about anyone else.Get yourself together and save up for an apartment so that you can prove to the courts that you are at least a fit father so that you can get visitation.
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A
female
reader, Blondie92 +, writes (14 April 2010):
Your marriage obviously had problems to begin with, sorry to say! If you had put more focus on nurturing her than on "grass is greener on the other side"! It's not hopeless tho; in this situation.. Less is more where talking is concerned. Begin to SHOW her your love through your actions. This will be the key. It's going to be like starting a new relationship, which will also bring missing excitement to you as well. Wine and dine her as if you just met..... It'll take a few rejections, but don't give up!! I've been married to a man for 19 yrs.... Trust me, this WILL work:-)
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 April 2010):
 Be a man and accept your responsibilities. If you want to save this marriage, you should not beg or go down on your knees .
She may make plenty of veiled threats but mostly they are empty and not easy to carry it out.
Take it calmly as a matter of fact way and be prepared to leave. This will shock her and will make her question whether she is doing the right thing or not.
If you beg her to stay , she will heap more contempt's and make life more miserable for you.
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A
male
reader, Red Green 0289 +, writes (14 April 2010):
You've got a set amount of time to work really hard to win her back- don't F it up again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): Well its most likely because she doesn't trust anything you say because like you said, you don't exactly keep up with your promises. The number one question is do you love her? Will you be able to stop looking at/ cheating on your wife with other women? ( i think they kinda tie in together) Answer this to yourself honestly, do you really think you are capable of it? If so, then instead of saying things and telling her things, DO what you have promised in the past. Don't say anything, DO it so she may start to realize that you mean what you say. It may not save your marriage, because it may be that she has made up her decision and nothing will sway her, but if she's that important to you and you truely do love her and are willing to make the changes necessary to be with her then it is worth a try. DO anything and everything you can before the time to be with her is up.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2010): give her space. Stop begging or making excuses to her or trying to convince her for the time being (if you are doing these htings). Just do whatever she says and make this all about "her", not you. Any time you say something about you, it will just make her angrier, because you are the one who betrayed her. You are lucky in that this was a physical affair rather than an emotional affair. Emotional affairs are far more difficult to rebuild relationships after, so there's a bright side. Hopefully someone here will have more advice for you.
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