A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are both 22, and we've been in a relationship for 8 months. This is the first serious relationship for us both in a really long times. As what happens with all couples at some point, the topic of children always comes up. My boyfriend told me very early on that he never wanted children, which is fine with me because I'm very undecided on the issue (but I'm leaning much more towards not having any). But a few months ago, I noticed that my boyfriend suddenly started talking about having children. Just little things such as, "well when I have kids.." ect. Then just yesterday as we were going through the mall and I was shopping he started just going off on how he would have his daughtet dress, what boundries he would set, ect. It took me aback a bit. Then, I also realized that he wasn't talking about having them with me specifically, just in general. Now, after 8 months I'm certainly not expecting him to be my prince charming and we're going to live happily ever after, but that did strike me as a bit odd, I can't really pin point why. So my question is, why the sudden change? Is this something I can really pinpoint? And also, should I be worried that I wasn't specifically mentioned? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2012): "Then, I also realized that he wasn't talking about having them with me specifically, just in general. "Well given how you have up until now not explicitly stated to him that you do for sure want kids (you say you're undecided but leaning towards not) then it's only right of him , if he's now deciding he wants kids, to not assume that you're changing your mind too and thus to just speak for himself only. He might feel it would be inconsiderate of him to assume that just because he is changing his mind that therefore you should as well. So he's only speaking for himself, and not trying to influence you or offend you. the issue of having kids or remaining childless is a deal breaker for most couples where one partner is in one camp and the other partner is in the other.therefore since he knows that you are leaning towards not having kids he could be aware this might mean the end of the relationship further down the road if you don't want kids. Therefore he's speaking cautiously about his plans for his own future only.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 May 2012):
 I actually think you should discuss it with him, especially if you're set on not having kids. If you two are sexually active now, it's definitely okay now to talk to him about it. This is a "do you see your future with kids" discussion rather than a "do you want me to have your kids" discussion.
You do need to know exactly where his thoughts are. It's quite possible that he wasn't interested until he started getting serious and is possibly envisioning you as the future mother of his kids. Either way, the talk should happen.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (3 May 2012):
 Your relationship is still in the very early stages. Maybe he's just fantasizing aloud as to what it might be like to have children, in general.
It's a bit too soon to be worried that he didn't specifically mention you, by the way. Why don't you give it some more time - at least a year - and see how your relationship goes? See if talk of getting married comes up and decide if that's something you both want with each other, then you can think about whether to consider the question of having or not having, children.
...............................
|
