A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of a year and a half, with previous friendship of over two years has completely changed. Before, he used to text me literally every 5 minutes and was upset if we were unable to meet every other day. Now it seems as though he's fine when we can't meet for over two weeks. Everything subtly changed a few months ago when he kept saying he was 'busy' with his family. I accepted this thinking he'd make time for me after but it ended up being a continuous thing. I thought I'd be understanding and so I let it go but now its really bugging me. He says he's "busy" all the time but when I ask him in the evening how his day has been, he says he didn't do anything? He used to talk to me so much and send me so many sweet text messages every night and morning but now I'm lucky enough to receive one text. I'd have to be the one making in the effort and asking him to meet and saying sweet thins. I've spoke to him about it how I miss our old times and how he's changed and he apologises and says he misses our old times too but only changes for the next day and then he's back to his usual self. I'm sick of it but I really don't want to lose our relationship because I'm incredibly in love with him and I truly believe that deep down, he still does love me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2013): I figured this is the only way to respond to the comments.. I'm new to this! First of all, thank you all SO much for taking the time to respond!
I understand that I should talk to him, which I have but I seriously believe that he hasn't lost interest. He'll still say he misses me and loves me and when we're together, everything is PERFECT just how it was before. It just bugs me that we don't see each other as often and that we're not as sweet any more.
And I know he doesn't want to end the relationship because I've asked him that and he promises he wouldn't ever leave me. He'll apologise when I make him aware of the changes that have been happening. This is what confuses me. He doesn't realise the change until I tell him? And he says he loves me and wants to be with me but then his actions across texts prove otherwise? In person, he's the same person he used to be.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 March 2013):
I know you don’t want to hear this, but at your age, it’s more than likely that the relationship is coming to an end. We change so much as we grow and mature and your boyfriend is probably trying to distance himself from you without actually having to do the dirty work. Sadly this will reward him and teach him that he can do this to get out of uncomfortable situations.
I know you say you are in love with him, but I think you are in love with what he may have been and what you want him to be and the whole having a relationship thing….
For adults, I advise the person who is making all the effort to stop making the effort and see what happens, but in this case, I fear it would just let him off the hook as he would just fade away as one day of no contact would turn to 3 days and onward till you would be at NO contact for two weeks and wondering what’s going on… and he gets off scott free without the pain of having to end a relationship that’s no longer working.
I guess we need to find out how important you are to him. So for right now you stop texting, stop calling, stop emailing, stop facebooking him… SIT BACK and WAIT and see how long it takes for him to contact you… if he goes more than 3-5 days with no contact, then you know you’re not important to him enough anymore. And then, you have to decide how you want to handle it… do you want to sit back and just let it fade away, do you want to fight for it and be the annoying soon to be ex-girlfriend that bugs him to death and nags him and complains about no contact or do you want to be the regal classy young lady you are and call him and say “I’m sorry to say this boyfriend’s name but I don’t feel important enough to you anymore so it’s best if we go back to being just friends” and then you just fade away…
The problem is, he will try to step up and contact you and make it work for a bit but then he’ll fall right back into the not contacting you, not wanting to see you, once he has you ‘hooked’ as his gf again.
Don’t let that happen.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 March 2013):
Hi there. It seems as though once it evolved from friendship to boyfriend and girlfriend status, that his interest seemed to fade.
It may not be that so much, and possibly that he now feels that text messages too often, takes the shine off things somewhat.
Like the old saying - "Familiarity breeds contempt."
Too much of a good thing, in other words.
He may be feeling that there is very little left to say, now that you are a couple.
And the status has changed - from friendship to boyfriend and girlfriend - and so he may feel there is no need for all that lovey dovey talk, so much now.
You see, while you were just friends, you proposed a challenge to him in wanting to make you his girlfriend.
And now that you finally are his girlfriend, well then there is no more challenge for him.
You are just there for him.
Perhaps this is a part of the clue, to a solution.
Is it possible, that since you became a couple, that you no longer see your girlfriends and do stuff with them on a regular basis, and instead wait around - saying no to going out with them - just in case he calls you up to see you, so you want to be available when that happens?
Do you think you might be doing this?
It's very easy to fall into that trap in a new relationship, as girls often believe that they should never say no to going out with their boyfriends, fearing that to say "No," could result in their boyfriends losing interest and ending it.
This isn't the truth though.
What often seem to happen, is that if a girl gives up her previous life - friends and hobbies and interests - that the girl then needs that boy to make her happy, and it often happens that the girl makes that boy the very centre of her universe.
And unfortunately, it puts a lot of pressure on a guy to live up to that expectation, and still feel free to live a life of his own - outside of the romantic relatlionship.
It's like putting a guy up on a pedestal, where they can do no wrong.
And this really scares men a lot.
And so they feel that there is a lot expected of them to please their woman, and are scared of taking a step out of line and DISpleasing her.
And that is a LOT of pressure.
And most men can sense this need very powerfully indeed.
And it can scare the life out of them, and so they take a few backward steps.
It's possible that this might be happening in your case.
Your boyfriend may sense this in your voice, or in your tone, of any text messages you send to him.
It could without your realizing it, even take on a sound of neediness, and he could be starting to feel the pressure which would certainly explain why he says he is busy, all the time, the way he does.
So if that is the case, it probably would be wise to start doing more things on your own, and start seeing your friends again, and pursuing your own hobbies and interests, and let him initiate any text messaging in future.
Even if it has been 3 or 4 days or more. Still let him text message you first.
This will lessen any pressure he feels that he should please you all the time.
And it does definitely seem that he is feeling some kind of pressure from you, and some level of expectation by you, as well.
He may be sensing some doubt in you by what you say to him, and that you want some more commitment from him, than what he is ready to give you.
So for this reason, lay low, and take a step back from it, and see how things pan out.
You can then become much more objective about everything.
You will probably find that things go a whole lot more smoothly, from that point on.
I really believe it will help.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (28 March 2013):
 It is possible you have outgrown each other as a couple. This doesn't mean it has to be the end for you two though. You just need to work out who you both are as individuals. Keep yourself busy, make new friends, start new hobbies. He might get jealous what to see you or you might enjoy yourself and stop worrying about him, or your relationship might grow and mature...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2013): Im really sorry to hear its all bad for you at the moment.Look i've just come out of a relationship with my girlfriend of 18 months and im only 21. Everything you have stated such as ' missing the old times' and about him not being that bothered anymore was similar to the end of the my relationship. My girlfriend changed completely and we had to split up in the end.Im not saying this could happen to you as there is hope that he could change all of a sudden. But there is a good chance that he wants out of this relationship.Its time to have crunch talks with him, go and see him and ask him1) what is going on/where is his head at2) does he want you as his girlfriend still or not.Dont be shy asking him as it is vital.But look like i said i do hope it works out for you, but it sounds like he may be at the early stages of wanting to move on from you.I really hope he changes and it works out for you.
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