A
female
age
30-35,
*utofsynch08
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for about 17 months now. It's pretty serious, we're getting a flat together and everything. I try not to think too far ahead because all manner of things can go wrong but I'm pretty sure he's the one.But this last two weeks, it's been like walking on eggshells. He accuses me of getting at him whenever I say anything, like asking if he could tidy up after himself a bit more, and goes into the longest sulks I've ever known.Then last night he was out at a party. I was attending a ball, which he didn't want to go to so I had to go alone, but I left early because it was so rubbish. I called him to just ask if we could spend some time together - and by this I meant could I come along to his party because the guy hosting it is also one of my best mates. Instead I got an earful of abuse. I went anyway to confront him about it, and then got accused of ignoring him (I was trying to avoid a domestic). Eventually I left because I was feeling so alone by then.Then the next morning it transpired that after the party he walked another girl back to her dorm because she'd been upset and had fallen asleep "on her floor"He swears nothing happened between them, and I believe him and he was crying and everything because he said he was so sorry for the way he'd been behaving. But the fact remains I was also upset and I had to walk home alone. This is not the first time this has happened.My flatmate says to dump him. I came so close to it, but I love him so much. It would tear me apart to ditch him. But at the same time, I can't cope with this sort of thing.We've been talking, and I told him I can't handle this sort of behaviour. He admitted he's been taking me for granted and has promised to change.But my heart just feels broken and I know that deep down I don't trust him anymore. What should I do?
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 February 2010):
You can't trust him, he's done this before and he verbally abuses you. He's not the one.
A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (28 February 2010):
 Honey, if you don't feel any trust for him, it can't work. It sounds like he's not ready for a really serious relationship. The maturity on his part just doesn't seem to be there. And he can promise and promise till he turns blue, but it won't change that fact. Back to the trust thing. You have to be able to trust him not to cheat on you, or else there will be resentment that can lead to hatred actually. You have to be able to trust you to live with him. You have to trust him to be there for you when and if things go sour.
If he's verbally abusive, he will lower your self-esteem to the point where you are so numb with hurt, you can't function as you anymore. I don't know him of course, but he sounds a lot like a boyfriend my friend used to have. Every time he did something wrong, he'd cry and apologize, and later, the same thing would occur again-sometimes worse than the first. He was moody, and overly sensitive. When they moved him, five months into it, he punched her in the face because they were arguing about his hanging out with some girl at her place. My friends and I had to step in finally, and the sad thing was, she still loved him. She went into the relationship a happy, outgoing person, and then, she became this anxious, sad person with a weak smile.
If you choose to remain with him and work it out. Please, do not ignore the bad things. Do me a favor, make a list with two seperate columns. In one column, write all the good thinga about the relationship and your boyfreind, in the other write out the bad. If the bad outweighs the good, it's not worth it. And please, be honest with yourself.
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