A
female
age
26-29,
*TheAlmightyDuckx
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months now and tbh i'm now wondering where I stand and in general what to do. In the first 3 months of this relationship, my boyfriend cheated on me. It started when I came across a conversation on his facebook accidently, and saw the first few messages were just plain dirty. I went crazy and kicked him out, I felt I could forgive him but two days later it was revealed that he had met up for an old friend for sex, I never got to the bottom to it but he did do something with her. We broke up for a month and then got back together. The reason we got back together was because I have a real hard time letting male influences go as every single male I've had in my life has left, I feel rejected and not good enough, this drives me crazy and normally ends up in me getting back with them. So yeah we got back together, and things did change they were good, but we had a lot of trust issues and the arguments started. We have been finding it hard to carry on but something boiled it all over. I hadn't been on his facebook since we got back together, as I trusted him to be faithful. Two days ago he decided to prove he hadn't done anything by showing me his facebook messages. It was all perfect then I realized all of the convo's he had with females had been deleted. He admitted to deleting them, and kept coming up with all these different reasons. I found it hard to believe, I panicked, I kept going over it with him, and he couldn't just stick with one reason and was acting guilty, he eventually said he did it so I wouldn't get jealous, even though HE was the one who offered to show me the messages. We broke up I couldn't so it. Last night he had a very hard time, so I decided to invite him round and seeing how friends would work. Due to he whole letting go thing, we ended up kissing and cuddling, and talking about rebuilding things, I had faith maybe we could. However he went home, and theres this website called Ask.Fm where you can send anonymous messages to people. I got one saying "I saw him hugging another girl today and he looked happy". When I asked was it just a hug I got this back "Today, I guess so, but he looked really happy, hes a c**t" Now I know not all of this is true, but they even got the right time, it was an hour before he came and saw me! What do I do? This is all so hard, I need someone to tell me what to do? Please help me :/ Thankyou for reading.
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broke up, cheated on me, facebook, got back together, jealous, kissing Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2013): Yeah, do try different stuff on the Nhs, Ive just found Nhs programs haven't been very helpful in my experience, but just look into psychodymics, whatever's available- some psychiatric help.
Him being so openly nasty is actually a blessing as well- gives you that final push to cut your connections- and losses- with him.
Remember the most important advice here is to stear clear from guys- theres always guna be emotional stress, something that is just going to reek havoc with your recovery.
Good luck! Xx
A
female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (15 June 2013):
xTheAlmightyDuckx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou once again for your feedback. Things have well esculated since my last post. Since this, he has been messaging me via text and telling me how much he loves me, how i'm the only girl in the world, and how he can't live without me. He has been saying some really rather...worrying things, and we were meant to be meeting up yesterday, to see how he was getting on, nothing more. It all started yesterday when I came out of one of my exams, I was walking home and one of mine and my ex's friends came up to me. Firstly she asked me what had happened with me and my ex, I explained it too her and then she said she had some bad news for me. She told me, that the night we had arranged to meet up, and he had been talking about things such as suicide and in general using the whole emotional black mail part, at the same time he had been messaging her on facebook. The messages was dirty and flirtasious, she told me because she thought I had the right to know. I went crazy, I text him straight away telling him what was what, and how on earth he could do this to me after i'd done almost everything in my will power to help him. I got nasty texts back, saying things such as he only got with me because I was a whore, and that he didn't care about me or need me. This continued throughout the day, the hardest part was I had to sit next to him with my friends while he was sending me them texts, and just seeing him in general ruined my mood. I did eventually tell him to stop texting me, and to delete my number, rather..nastily. It worked however, as I haven't heard anything. So yeah, its done and I never want to see or help him again, especially after saying what he has, when I have done nothing wrong and he knows as I said I have problems with my self esteem which he has already made worse. I can't afford any type of counselling and I have CBT, I have been tested by two pyschiatrics, one of which has diagnosed me with severe depression and anxiety, the other recommended I had bereavement help. But thankyou for your suggestion xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2013): Heya, i think you should look into the best therapy money can buy- the best thing would be private therapy, if that's possible... I think it costs around £2000 for about 20 sessions on average, its a lot... I was going to do it a while ago but I just had second thoughts, it just seemed a bit steep- but It's been recommended by so many people; a friend of my mum's witnessed her brother throw himself off a building when she was a kid, has had anxiety attacks for years, suicide attempts... :/ but she's doing so so much better now apparently, hasn't had any problems since this private therapy... What kind of therapy are you having at the moment? Look along the lines of psychodynamics, I've read into it, and been recommended it- it sounds ideal, as you've obviously got deep- seated low self esteem, therefore dependency on others, fear of rejection, as a result of your childhood experiences-If possible start with seeing a psychiatrist to get assessed...You're not ugly in any way, maybe you're not Cheryl cole most of us aren't, maybe you are, you just don't see it- this is very fisable! You're loving, gentle, empathetic, to name a few, which are very desirable qualities, every woman has her own feminine charms and her own sex appeal, you've got shedloads of qualities that you just aren't aware you have... It's great to see you starting to discover that the last thing you need is LOSERS, to become empowered- they will just bring you down and cancel out any effort you make at the moment. I advise you work on getting yourself better- you're incredible young and as I say relationships are a serious emotional minefield for people with emotional/ psychological problems. You need to strap on your big girl boots and cut all connections with him, really- he has NO right to have any hold on you- there will come a time when you can see everything in the pure light of day- and you may set out to give him a good braining- haha! X
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx +, writes (13 June 2013):
xTheAlmightyDuckx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for all of your advice. First of all i'd like to clear a couple of things up, he was not living with me no, I kicked him out that night as he was meant to be sleeping round my house, and I am receiving therapy already, but its very hard to get to the root of all of this as it goes back to my childhood. My ex did know about all of my problems, and I have been diagnosed with a severe depressive anxiety disorder and may be susceptable to bi-polar in the future. The first relationship I ever had before this one was very controlling and involved mental and sometimes physical abuse, which really did rack up my theories on men in general, I also have a constant fear of being replaced and alone, and these things do not help. I know after just looking back, that I do attract the wrong guys, even my own ex's, family and friends have said it. Its because I appear to be vunrable, and I do crave male affection, and because of that they know they can sweet talk me, say the occasional nice thing and then they can get what they want, which I know must change. I also have a lot of empathy and am a very forgiving person, so people know (my ex being one) that they can give me a sob story and i'll let them in again only for them to do the same thing, this is really another reason why I give people to many chances and I realize two chances is the final straw. I am most definitely steering clear of male relationships, and I know now i'm not going to fall for anyone whos shall I say, not below my league. I've been told by many that I can do way better than the guys I have been out with as both of them have been free-loaders or selfish and attention craving. They also seems to both of had severe problems at home, but never do anything about it, now I look I see they both expected me to fix there problems and me being the kind person I am would take it on but not actually realize that they needed to work with me. I know I deserve better than this and after the last night I realized it. Me and my ex have still been talking occasionally even though the descion is set in stone we are not getting back together. I was having a hard time last night, he promised to be there for me and stay up and talk about it with me, he then went to bed stoped replying and left me too it. This was horrible because over the last two nights, I had to stay up and help him out because he was playing the guilt trip card. When it came to me however there was no help, I then got into a mental state of thinking I wasn't good enough, no one cared about me, and I was ugly all of that. Then I got a random message off an old friend inviting me out for a coffee, and it made me really happy, not because i'm looking to get into another relationship, but because it shows there are guys who are still interested in me and overall I can do way better than this. Now if I even get with anyone I want them to have a good home life, wait when it comes to anything sexual, be trusting of phones and social network account, have an aspiration to get somewhere, even have there own financial support, and I won't settle for any less! Also in the morning when I told him he didn't care he got rather irritated and so I told him I don't want to talk to him, as hes just got into a phase of drunk texting me, but ohwell, his loss! Thankyou for all of your advice.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (11 June 2013):
He is a cheater. He will continue to be a cheater. You know this, yet willingly took him back.
Any resulting pain and hardship that is going to result from this relationship going forward is now completely your own fault.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2013): Woah youre dating a serial cheater? It's there on paper, in front of you- dirty messages, this isn't paranoia- paranoia is an irrational obsessive doubt. this little jerk lies and cheats on you and tries to kid you it's all guna change- there is no doubt at all he's guna do it again you can count on that; not only can he not keep it in his pants but he's dishonest, uncaring and cruel to lead you on and such... all in all he sounds like BAD news- does he know about how you've been rejected by every male in your life? If he does then hes exceptionally manipulative a d devious to lie/ lead you on like this... I really feel for you and you're clearly living with deep- set issues, anxiety and paranoia are both mental diseases- and they worsen if you don't get help. Because of these deep set issues, you attract the WRONG type of guy- relationships are an emotional minefield as it is but cheating men are guna- and have- been a serious blow to your mental health, worsening it. Your first priorities are getting rid of this bloke and seeking therapy- I've had anxiety problems myself and read into psychodynamics: it relates to childhood, self esteem and such. Go to the doctors say you're suffering from extreme anxiety, paranoia write all psychological and physical symptoms down and he'll hopefully put you in touch with a mental health charity, MIND, or best thing if you can afford it private therapy.You need therapy and you need to get rid of him- just say your head's a mess if u want, don't contact you... Please get rid? Lol xPost an update!
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