A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey - I need some help. My boyfriend of 3 years recently broke up with me. He said he still loved me, cared for me and fancied me but there was something missing. He also said he still wanted us to be friends. He has contacted me a couple of times since to see how I am but hasn't suggested we meet up. Friends have told me he has said there is no chance we will get back together.Now I don't know what to do. I still love him and want to be with him. Our relationship was good. Only in the last month did I start to think he was being distant. But I put this down to him having a new job and working crazy hours.So, what should I do?? Give him space and hope he comes back to me when he sees sense. Go and talk to him so we can discuss our problems and see if the relationship can be saved. Or take that he doesn't want me, give up and move on.All advice appreciated - thank you.
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female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (8 September 2011):
Yeah you're right the worst thing about a break-up is when you don't get a clear cut answer because you go over and over it in your head, why why why?!! (Sometimes it's easier if they've met someone else, told you they are not IN love with you anymore, because you have an answer!
But in the end, you just have to give-up and accept you may never get to the real reason (they may not even be able to understand it themselves?) Because you will get on your own nerves eventually continually questioning it, lol!
You sound like a nice girl though, so hope you move on with your life with or without him x :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys, I appreciate your answers.
I know in my heart I need to move on, and if he ever changes his mind we will have a chance to discuss. It's just so hard when I didn't see it coming and I thought we had a wonderful future together. I would also like to know why he felt this way, but I suspect I either won't get the answers I want or will get no answers at all. He's probably just as confused as I am right now.
Thanks.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): Fate 100perent, I agree with you. Ask him straight out, In all honestly I don't think chance of him coming back, and if you do something cringe worthy, don't stress.
I just split up with my partner of 2 years, I am 31 and when he dumped me 5 months ago I went little mad and (I was hurt, angry and upset) I did the begging thing, the is it me thing, the works (I cringe now at it) but we all do it and yes time is a healer, still hurts, but nowhere near as it did at the start, now I can go a day without thinking of him (compared to every second)
I know in the grand scheme of life, in a few years from now, he will be a fond memory and so will yours as we both meet new partners and are happy.
things will be ok - take it form someone 5 months on from where you are. xxx
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A
female
reader, mrsboosh +, writes (7 September 2011):
 I think the best thing to do here is forget about him.If he calls you make small talk,dont be available for him though.I know how hard it is when someone you love tells you its over,its the worst feeling ever,but there is a reason why it happened.Its ok to be upset,but dont wait around and hope that he will change his mind,get out have fun,see your friends,flirt with other guys,you may find once he sees you that way he might change his mind.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): For your own good I would accept that it is over. He obviously has feelings for you but from what you say, there is little chance of the relationship starting up again. You are clinging on to hope at the moment which is understandable. But I would try and move on. Don't over think this, if friends say he thinks it is over then its fair to say it is. Setting about getting over him is probably the best idea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011): I would give him space. Maybe his new job has him evaluating his life. Maybe he's feeling scared and confused. Be there for him when he needs a friend and support him. You sound like a nice person whom genuinely cares and loves him. Remember set it free and if it returns it was meant to be.
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A
female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (7 September 2011):
Being dumped is the worst feeling in the world, because you have no control over it all :-(
When it comes out of the blue, it can make you act irrational too, (begging people to take you back, crying, texting them etc) things that will make you cringe months later! It is also so much harder with mobile phones, email, fb, to keep being reminded of that person!
You should tell him that if he changes his mind, you'll be there to talk to him and leave it at that. (But most people who've been dumped don't react like that because they're hurt, confused, upset, angry etc, so don't worry if you do a few crazy things that you wouldn't normally whilst your dealing with it!)
Do you think he could've met someone new in his new job? As for friends saying he has said there is no chance of getting him back, why not just ask him directly so you here it straight from the 'horses mouth' so to speak? Remember he might not even know what he is feeling properly yet too though. Only time apart from you will give him the answers that yes he made the right choice, or no he's made a big mistake, and unfortunately if he thinks he's made the right choice there is nothing you can do to change his mind :-(
Good luck x
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