A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm stuckI've been with my boyfriend for 8 months but I met him for the first time when I was 14. I love him more than anything but the only problem is, hes got a "record"Lets just say, he's been around.My problem is that I just can't seen to get over the fact that he HAS slept around, and sometimes it buggs me so much that I dont even want to sleep with him. I don't know what to do.I went into his facebook "sent" messages and he has messages from guys saying that they should call up that "pussy" and get laid again (this is an old one though, and he wouln't cheet on me, so Im not worried about that)Theres messages he sent (again from a while ago) to this girl he slept with and he lied about her, said she was just a friend. I really dont know what to do because of this, I just want some advice on how to overcome that fact that my boyfriend has been with over 17 girls.
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female
reader, lexi36  +, writes (19 June 2009):
the man i am married to sounds just like your boyfriend. It didn't or doesn't bother me that he was with alot of girls. Is he committed to you? Or does he still fuck around with other girls? When I met my husband he was with 2 other girls., so obviously he had 3 women at one time and I was involved in that. But, he picked me and stopped sleeping with the other 2. We got married 4 months later and for a man who was never a one womans man turned out to be committed to me and I never worried abt him being with other woman. I guess i satisfied him
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has no std's or aids
and hes no longer like this, it was the past.
I'm just having a difficult time coping with it thats all.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 June 2009):
 I guess it comes down to this, do you want to have a slut for a BF or not. It is as easy as that. Some guys will sleep with anything with a pulse the first few years they are sexually active, others are more picky.
It could be that he is trying to seem like "Da Man" by being a he-ho for bragging rights. If he is still in that "mode" he isn't really good BF material.
Also some of the aunts mentioned STD's. That is an excellent point. I hope you two use protection and EVERY time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): Where is it written on a stone tablet that you SHOULD have to overcome it?
He's got a very different attitude about sex than you do. If it bothers you now, then it probably always will bother you. I see no reason that you owe it to him to accept this.
I hear women complaining all day that "all men are sluts" and about the double standard between the sexes for promiscuity. Well then DON'T SLEEP WITH MEN WHO DO THIS! These guys keep doing it because it never costs them anything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks :)
I love him a crazy amount and reasuring me that I'm his future (which there will be) It helped alot.
Also, I'm 18 and he just turnd 21 on june 12th
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (18 June 2009):
 As hard as it might be to believe, there are a lot of men out there who don't sleep around. They value and respect women like royalty instead of objectifying them and treating them like nothing more than a receptacle for their ejaculate.
If you value sex as a special, intimate bond between two people who love and are committed to each other, then I implore you to find a man who feels the same way. Its so sad to see girls finally figuring this out after they've been used for sex and then dumped for the umpteenth time by guys like your boyfriend.
You aren't alone in feeling like this, and from personal experience these feelings take a long time to go away. I honestly believe that the sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach about my partner's past will be with me for the rest of my life.
Ultimately, you have to decide whether you can live with this or not. I know it sucks being number #18 in a long line of sexual conquests, but considering how young you both are, I'm sure you won't be his last.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): Wow. Over 17 huh? Are you two of similar age? 17 by 18 years old..
I'm sorry.
It sucks, I know. But here's the really sucky part:
It will always suck. If you can't overcome it now, if it makes you insecure, paranoid, etc. then i believe his past will always haunt you. Some girls aren't bothered a bit by their partners previuos lovers, and others are. That's just the way humans function.
I don't believe there are any magic words to give you that will cure you of your emotional debate and struggle over his past. so if
"let his past be his past, he can't change it now. Just realize that he's with you now and doesn't want anyone else"
Doesn't do anything for you, then you may just have to decide: CAN you be in this relationship? Can you handle what's he done for the rest of it? Can you manage to just stop caring? Can you oversee what's already been done and live in the present?
If you can, then great; if not, then this may not be the relationship for you.
~SY.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife +, writes (18 June 2009):
 Might sound crazy, but a way for me to overcome such thing is to ask her to do a STD and HIV test (I do too). At least I know she didn't get anything out of it.
Looks like he's not proud of that either since he lied to you about that girl. Sometime you do things you're not really proud of but you still want others to be proud of you.
Since the mind can really only focus on one thing at a time, if you think about the past, you won't be able to think about a future with him. If there's no future, then what's the point of the relationship?
It is quite annoying to know about the sexual intercourse our partners have, that's why it's often best not to know about it. I do, however, want her to be tested because I don't want to be involve in someone else mistake.
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A
male
reader, killer23 +, writes (18 June 2009):
Well, heres what i think, if he wanted to be with them girld, then he could, saying that he slept with them, but he dont want to be with them, he is with you, and hes been loyal to you for 8 months, time to forgive and forget, it was the past, and now is the present, and you are his present.
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A
female
reader, anjie +, writes (18 June 2009):
Baby you are not stuck. I've been there and thought I was stuck too. You are only stuck in your mind. If you were married to him my advice would be very different. I can bet my bottom dollar that your image of prince charming and the man who you've dreamed about doesn't look like someone who has a record or sleeping around, lying, and not valuing you. Why would you be settiling for something you are not happy with? The best predictor of future behavior is the past behavior. Your young. It is simple cut your loses and just go. Go, Go, Go. Don't look back.
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