A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm 17 and I got my first boyfriend a year and a half ago. We're still together, but recently he's been acting differently around me. I feel like now he doesn't care about me at all. He started acting differently when his brother died a couple of months ago, which i totally understood. He asked for a lot of space and we didnt talk or see eachother. But he still wants space now, and now i feel like he wants me out his life completely. I'm finding it hard to cope, and 2 days ago he texted me saying "we're finished" . it was such a shock and i'm not sure if he meant it or not because i dont know if it's just a phase. when his brother died i just wanted to be there for him, but he didn't want me to be. now i don't know where i stand. i don't feel i can tell him how i feel because it would be insensitive with everything he's going through...Our relationship was always on and off. i stuck by him through a lot, even when he was angry and sometimes became verbally and physically abusive. i can't believe our relationship has fallen apart after everything we've been through, and because he was my first boyfriend i don't know how to move on because i don't feel like i ever will. i find myself just sitting around my house letting my social life and work slip. how can i get back on track?
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female
reader, Rebecca19 +, writes (22 December 2010):
 I totally agree with dirtball
A
female
reader, Nonamus  +, writes (21 December 2010):
Why would you want to be with someone who has been both verbally and physically abusive to you? Be happy that he out of your life.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (21 December 2010):
 You're better off without him. If he's both verbally and physically abusive, then that's a problem that gets worse, not better. I know you don't feel like celebrating right now, but you should. Well, maybe not now. Anyway, please don't even consider for a second getting back with this guy. He didn't even have the balls to break up like a decent human.
To get over him and get your life back on track seek the help of friends and family. Break ups often feel like your heart being ripped out, and even more so after losing your first love. As such, you need to grieve the relationship like you would a loved one who died. You need to give it time. The stages of grief are anger, denial, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance. I'm sure you'll feel all of these to varying degrees.
Again, please don't get back with him. Nobody has the right to abuse you. Absolutely nobody.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Has he been able to speak openly about his brother to you and express his thoughts etc. He still is grieving and will be for a very long time. It's hard for someone to understand the effects of grief because no one knows how it will affect them unless it is them grieving. He does need space, he has asked for space so you must give him it. As much as he needs, he may need more than you think especially if he had a special relationship with his brother. Try to find out about the stages of grief, then you may be able to help him through it.
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