A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 months, and in the last 2 months he has become increasingly distant. We used to be together pretty much all the time, and when we werent together we spoke or texed frequently. We used to see each other 2 or 3 times a week, he used to answer when I called or texed. He used to tell me he loved me every day. Progressively he has gone from talking to me every night to shutting off his phone. I do not text or call him incessently usually one text around supper to see if he is around, and it usually falls deaf. I have asked him on a few occasions if something was wrong and at first he said he was stressed over work. Which is understandable he just started a new buisness. However he became more and more distant after that resonse, so I asked again. He then said he enjoys his alone time and finds it to difficult to relax if he has to be on his phone. He also hasn't said I love you in about 2 weeks until this morning when he went to say goodbye to me he said "I lo...um bye". He stopped himself half way through. I am wondering if I am just being overly sensitive, because when he stopped himself, it broke my heart, like he had made a mistake. I should say he does still speak to me every day but only if he is at work now, once he is home that's it. And this past weekend he didn't speak to me other than a couple of texts. He still will call me the cute nickname he has for me. I'm just very confused, if anyone has maybe an idea I would appreciate it.
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 Im not sure it's always best to press blokes for answers they are absolutely not ready to give you. Men tend to clam up in order to resolve their issues.
I know your in a state of confusion and feel your heart is breaking but pushing him might just push him further away.
As hard as it is, keep things light. Don't call or text him on a daily basis, maybe just the odd 'Hope alls well' every couple of days. Take stock of yourself and fill your free time doing things you love, see your friends, pamper yourself and try to work on other areas of your life you have been neglecting. It sounds cliche but when he realises you are no longer doing the chasing or hanging on his every word, he will want to know why.
When he contacts you to find out whats going on, then is a good time to sit down and talk.
In relationships it's hard to know what the other person thinks all the time, we cannot change their thoughts or make them love us...all we can be is ourselves and hope that they want to get to know us better of their own free will. Give him space and time, get on with living your life and loving yourself.
If he has changed his mind then there is little you can do, but at least you will have focussed your time on yourself while your waiting for an answer.
Best of luck and let us know how you get on.
AE xx
A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 I don't think you're being overly sensitive. While relationships 'slow down' after that initial burst of seeing each other and phone calls and texts, if he's being the way you describe then I'd say that something is definitely up.
He could be stressed out by other things but I'd say that if it was this he would not be acting the way he is and he would be more willng to talk. Is it possible he's not interested in the relationship anymore and is looking for a way out? Perhaps he doesn't know how to break it off so he's distancing himself hoping you will call it quits?
You are in the dark right now, don't stay there anymore. Meet up with him and have a frank discussion. Tell him that he needs to be honest with you as to what he wants because you can't stay in this limbo you're in. See if you can figure out what the problem is. You need to get to the bottom of it. Don't ask what's wrong. Tell him how it makes you feel.
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