A
female
age
41-50,
*rystal99
writes:Boyfriend has 20 year history of serial cheater. Will marriage change him?Will he change his cheating ways if we get married? Hi, I am 32 and with a man who is turning 40 soon. We have been together for a year and a couple of months. On average we hang out once a week but lately we have been spending more time together (the past couple of months), so for a year it was only once a week.Now, I know this sounds naive of me, but I recently found out that he had 3 more "exclusive relationships" of the same intensity during the time I was with him. Some were about 7 months and two were 2 years long. The women dumped him because of the cheating from what I heard. He also had a profile on a dating site but stopped using it when I found out.I spoke to his uncle and he told me he has always been this way (for the 20 years he has been dating), that he always had many women and does not settle down, and has had a cheating problem. He had told me he only has had 4 relatoinships but his uncle said there have been about 200 women in his life, and that at one point when he was with me that he would see 5 different women during the week, many of them great girls for marriage. THe thing is I kind of push for the idea of marriage because I like him a lot, he is successful, professional, and knows how to take a woman out for a good time. I put my foot down and told him to stop looking at other women. But the history is my concern. He seems to have stopped now for like a month or so, maybe it's because he got caught?? Or is he truly changed? LIke I said, his whole life he has had this problem, now he got dumped by all the other girls and spends more time with me.Point is, he is now only with me and we took two vacations together. I went over his place one day unnnanouced because his folks were there and I had never met them. He introduced me as "a friend" but sometimes tells me he thinks about the future. He says he wants to settle down now. He used to tell the other girls the SAME THING! So I don't know if he has fixed his CHEATING WAYS!!!At his age, isn't it possible he will settle down with me-now that all the others are gone?OR, why is it that he never did settle down so far if he has met so many women?I just feel more calm because ever since I found out about his cheating he doesn't log on to the dating site anymore, BUT HE STILL has the profile -did not delete it. I try to go over his house all the time so we can spend much of our time together after all of this that I found out. He seems to be behaving now. Should I trust it?? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 November 2009):
 Hehe, never thought anyone would ask the typical female mistake so clearly.
Will marriage change him, the way I want him to change.
No.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (24 November 2009):
 Habitual cheaters do not change. What are you thinking?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): normally a cheater never changes,don't put to much trust in him i recently got divorced because of the same issue, some people really do change but go slow and dont get in over your head, most cases once a cheater always a cheater.. hope it helps
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (24 November 2009):
He was seeing you and others before and you didn't know it at the time, so what makes you believe that you are really the only person that he's seeing now? You only see him about once a week but are now spending more time together? So what's that? 2 or 3 times a week instead? There's 4 more days during that week that he doesn't see you...so you tell me.He introduced you as a "friend" to his family and has not deleted his dating profile (regardless if it's active recently or not) that doesn't sound like a very promising relationship you have there. Of course he thinks about the future, he tells you what he would like to have happen, but it doesn't necessarily mean that it will. Actions speak louder than words. I doubt that he's changed suddenly. And certainly marriage won't change him, he'll just be married and cheating. I think that if you want to find out what happens is to stick it out and see if he can and will committ to you for at least another year. If he wants you and only you, then he would need to prove that to you. But we don't know if he's changed, but more than likely not. I've had a boyfriend that swore up and down that he had changed and that things were different a year after we had broken up, and they weren't. He was still a self-centered idiot. So trust what he can prove to you and show to you. My feeling is that you probably think that you shouldn't trust him since you're asking this question and you've had to make some pretty forced excuses for him.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (24 November 2009):
 I really doubt you are this naive. I think you know full rightly the answer is NO he will not change. you are just "delaying" and trying to change his lifestyle.
The answer for "Why has he never settled down with a girl" is because he simple never had the inclination to. That is his lifestyle.
You are being stupid and honestly are hoping against hope that he will change. My advise is to either accept his behaviour and be apart of his life if he truely is worth that much to you, or leave this relationship if you cannot handle being one of many women. Marriage has no magical powers. It will not change him. Its just a piece of paper. The vows are personal and you cant push the same meaning on him. He either has that same meaning or he doesn't.
Look at all the married people on this site whos spouses have cheated on them. You are setting yourself up for a huge prat fall. I urge you to recognise the situation for what it is and act according to what is your hearts biggest desire. Him or your desire to be the only woman in a mans life.
HonningKanin
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