A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, okay i've spoken to some people about this already, but they are no help and their answers are biased.me and my boyfriend have been together for only 3 months and he's already saying he loves me more than anything and that if i wasn't his he would have nothing to live for, he's getting really deep. but lately he's been ending it nearly every night, i'll say something and he'll reply something like "ok." y'know showing he's pissed so when i ask what's wrong he tells me that i can't be trusted and that every second i'm not with him he can only think of me cheating, its wrecking the relationship. just last night, when i left a mate said "oh what's that, you smell of aftershave, it's really nice" and i was having a laugh about it to him and he said "i wasn't wearing any. i sprayed you with deodarent." and then BAM straight to "you cheating whore!" i was like.. uhm, but i was with you all day? and all he had to say was "you were only with me until 10. i'm sorry i just can't trust such a liar."the problem is, he basically won't let me end it, when i end it he comes up with shit like "you're not ending it, we're supposed to be together forever" and he drums it in until i give up.what should i do? :/ and please don't just say "dump him" 'cause i can't ha.
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female
reader, LittleLouLou  +, writes (11 January 2009):
Hey,
How do you feel about him? I'm sure he's got a nice side, or you wouldn't be with him, but it sounds like he's taking everything a bit too far!
Everybody worries a bit sometimes but he sounds like he may have a serious problem! If you've tried talking to him about it because you do have strong feelings for him, but he hasn't listened, you probably need to get out.
If you haven't yet, ask him why he accuses you so much? Has he told you about his past?
If you love him, I know its not so easy to just dump him, but if he continues in this way its going to start messing with your self esteem, and can you imagine if you both feel bad?
I think you've been pretty respectful and fair to not listen to biased advice, so just take everything on board, but ultimately put yourself first. If he's starting to frighten you please get out immediately!! Take Care xx
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (11 January 2009):
You can just end it.
Tell him it's over and then cut contact with him.
This guy sounds like he is obsessed with you and telling you that you are a cheat, so you have to go out of you way to reassure him and show him how you love him is just a way of controling you.
Tell him it's over but have someone else nearby, or do it in a place where, when he starts trying to force you to agree to stay with him, you can just walk away.
He only has this control over you when you two are alone so take along someone to support you, tell him it's over, and then block his phone and email and avoid him until he gives up.
Be strong.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (11 January 2009):
well face the facts you cant stay with someone like this! its completely unfair and your never going to win, if its like this after three months whats it going to be like in a year? you cannot carry on like you are doing with somebody like this. explain it to him. give him the facts. constant reassurance is what he needs and that will get his attention so start with im always here for you... but it cannot carry on like this as im unhappy in the relationship due to the way you are treating me ... how can we progress further and have a future if we have no trust?
you cannot be treated like this and im not being biased as im aware he must have reasons possibly from his past causing him to behave this way now. and you should remember that, you seem to love him and dont want to give up and i know you probably wont but you do need to change the way things are, its not healthy and your not happy. you need a balance and without that you dont have anything. you both need space apart yet time together.
next time he comes at you with 'cheating whore' dont react like its not a problem why should you be treated like this and spoken to by someone who 'loves' you, tell him this next time (because there will be a next time) if you loved me you wouldnt talk to me like this and acuse me of shit you know isnt true. unless you are willing to make changes in the relationship, without ending it your not going to get anywhere and if you stick with the im not leaving him then people cannot help you.
its easy for me to say this being the outsider and looking in, i respect the love you have for him and one day he will too. i think all he wants is your love but hes going the wrong way about it and eventuall it will push you away. tell him this! speak to him from your heart be honest with him but stand your own ground, theres two people in this relationship and you need possitive input from both.
im sorry my answers so long its just i can relate to your question and just wish id of seen things this clear sooner, easy to say that now. anyway please keep me posted on how it all works out, i can give you all the advice in the world but its up to you what to do the choice to make etc nobody can do it for you. were all independant people and we need that always in our life, your not getting that and its not righ. i wish you so much luck in your relationship, you love him and will stick with him but a change has to be made the sooner the better i mean that honestly. xxx
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