A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of 2 years knows i love him to death and would do anything for him. we've had our ups and downs, mainly downs lately, and as much as i love him im sick of having to convince myself that he loves me too.i used to tell him all th time that i love him, he always said he preferred not to say it as often so it means more. i was okay with that at first but a few weeks ago i found myself realising its been months since he said it to me, to my face. sure he'll write it in messages, but we've always done that. hes not affectionate, sometimes i feel like he talks to me like im just a friend and ive noticed he only kisses me and cuddles me when hes horny. i know he isnt attracted to me anymore as he's lost weight and keeps calling me lazy if i dont go to the gym 7 times a week like he does.it's getting really hard. ive resorted to forcing myself not to tell him i love him, to be distant with him and not call him or text him so he can come to me first. most of the time it works, he does end up calling me, and sometimes after ive been distant he is the one to come over to me and cuddle me. but i cant keep playing these games. i dont want to have to convince myself that he loves me, i want him to do that for me. I want him to show affection and emotion, show me that he enjoys being with me instead of saying yes when i ask him. i want him to actually want me and since im not getting anywhere im running out of ideas.ive tried to talk to him abot it, but he just promises he'll tell me he loves me more, but he still doesnt. im i dont want him to be all over me or tell me he loves me 20 times a dat i just want to know once in a while he actually gives a s**t.Sorry for babbling, any help would be appreciated.Thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): i got out of a situation the same as yours, i could have wrote that letter myself.i know its hard to hear what other people tell you, you love him and want him to do those things, the truth is you will be in this situation for aslong as you can stand it.if you could walk away now you would have done it already, so you will stay until one day you break, that is the day where you tell him how his lack of affection has made you cold towards him and that you are gone.once you have gone he will end up chasing you. but please dont take him back, you need someone who is more in touch with his feelings, this guy clearly isnt.if you take him back you will be in exactly the same situation once again. you wanting to feel loved him not being able to give it to you, its a vicious circle that needs breaking.you will break it, and i hope that once you have done it you keep right on walking and never look back.i did it and i know you will. as for him? he is quite happy to continue as he is, so dont waste your breath on asking him to be more loving, instead focus on what he isnt doing as that will build up, you will reach your peak and only then will you do anything about it.you will feel free once you do it.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 October 2009):
A guy in love will show it. He isn't showing it, so it doens't sound like he really loves you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): been there and done that, it doesnt get better dear, you either accept him the way he is or leave. if you stay you will build up resentment, and the relationship will end anyway. if i were you i would cut my loses now and find another who can give you what you need.
i know you wont though and hang on hoping things will get better, believe me they wont.
all hanging on will do is hurt you more when the time comes to part ways.
you are young girl, dont waste you young years on a love that doesnt make you happy, get out there and date, the match for you will come.
take care.
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