A
female
age
30-35,
*nastasiya
writes:Im 20 but by now I had 3 serious relationships and the last one was very difficult to get over. I loved him and I still do, he is the guy you write books about hes everything every girl can dream of. But for me most importantly he loved me and hes just such a romantic. So now Im in a new relationship and this guy is also very serious but he doesnt connect with me, its like hes floating on the surface and Im not talking that I want him to propose to me I just want him to think of what I want or do something romantic...he never does!I feel like Im missing big emotional thing, but other thn that I like him alot and he says he loves me, but every time I talk about it he doesnt want to listen and says Im annoying! I dont know what to do, HELP ITS LIKE IM suffocating! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (24 March 2009):
 Well seen as you have said you are only 20 but have been in 3 serious relationships, then I am assuming (please correct me if I am wrong here) that they were in fairly quick succession therefore you have not had much time in between each of these relationships. This concerns me because you wont have given yourself the proper time to get out each boyfriend, so instead you have just jumped from one relationship to the next.
Now I used to be like this too from the ages of 16-21 (I'm now nearly 22) and I've only just realised that going from one relationship to another is so bad for you and will only make your next relationship worse!
It sounds like you are still in love with your ex (I know how that feels too) and you may have got into your latest relationship in order to fill the gap that your ex has left in your life. If you still love him then you need to take the time to properly get over him - if he was a true love then this will take some time and you shouldnt rush to get into another relationship, spending some time on your own will be a good thing for you to do.
This current boyfriend sounds like he just doesnt compare to your ex - there is no point in being with him when he isnt the sort of man you want to be with. You cannot try and change him - if he is not the romantic type then he never will be I'm afraid. If he isnt giving you what you need then the best thing to do is leave him, dont lead him on any longer because it is not fair to him.
But once you have ended this relationship then I really hope you spend some time alone. It will be hard, and at plenty of times you will want to find someone new or go back to an ex just to feel loved and special again. But learning to be alone, learning to be comfortable in your own company and learning that you dont need a man to be happy will do you the world of good. Once you have spent at leat 3 months on your own then you will be in a much better place to figure what you want from a relationship - the time alone will give you chance to reflect on what sort of man makes you happy hence you will be able to really refine the types of men you date.
It seems to me in this situation you have ended up with a boyfriend who is not the normal sort of guy you would go for, all because you missed your ex and wanted to fill the void he left quickly. Now you are further down the line with your boyfriend, you are realising that he is just not what you want from a boyfriend. There is no shame in this - you live and learn from all mistakes.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (24 March 2009):
 you need to get out there he clearly doesn't really love you hun sorry to say but if he did he would talk to you about it and not shut you out
and he would do romantic things for you because he want too.
you clearly deserve better than this!
eitehr talk to him and ask him why he is always shutting you out when you try to tlk to him about it?
or move on from him
he's clearly not the one for you.
hope this helps :)
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