A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend of 4yrs just over a week ago. He'd given me many reasons to doubt his love for me, he just stopped caring about everything and refused to ever talk to me about it. Throughout the relationship i'd caught him having sexual conversations online with different girl friends of his, and when i discovered he was also watching webcams of these girls i confronted him. He suggested maybe it was best if we broke up and, whereas normally i'd be the one to say "no, we can work it out", i agreed and broke it off. I guess he didn't expect this and he's been begging me back ever since. I, on the otherhand, have coped brilliantly. My friends have been very supportive and it seems that the past week couldn't have been more perfect. I've started enjoying life again and i haven't felt the need to grieve over the loss of this relationship which has been such a big part of my life. I've even got a male friend coming to visit me from Canada for my birthday next week which has got me really excited, and more friends returning home from university in the next few days. I'm incredibly happy. However, my ex will not stop asking me to believe that he has changed and to "just give him one more chance to prove himself". No matter how many times i say no he will not drop it. He has even resorted to emotional blackmail and uses comments such as "i'm so miserable i want to kill myself". I can't find it in myself to just drop all communication with him - as i said he was such a huge part of my life. I want him to cope and get over me, but he refuses. I feel almost guilty that i have gotten over it so quickly. I want his friendship without the difficulty of being in a relationship with him. He has really dented my trust and i can't go back to him as anything more than a friend.Any advice on how to help him cope, because i need him to be okay and let me move on.
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (24 March 2009):
 Sweetie, there is nothing you can do for your boyfriend. He sounds like a weak willed, emotionally abusive man. He is using the excuse that he might kill himself.... not fair at all!! Cut all communication with him regardless of his comments. I know it is hard, but he will try anything to get you to feel guilty so that he can go back to having his old way of life... you on one side and the sex chats/webcams on the other side!
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (24 March 2009):
 It's not your responsibility to help him cope. I think you better find it in yourself to drop all conversation with him after all. Break ups are best if they are done cleanly and there isn't that dangling hope of getting back together on anyone's mind. You actually will be doing him a favor. Also forget about being his friend at this point maybe later on but right now it's best you go your separate ways.
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