A
female
age
41-50,
*iso32
writes:I've been dating a wonderful man for 6 months. I've never had a relationship go this smoothly ever. There are only two issues: one huge and one small. The huge one is he can't sustain an erection enough for us to have sex. Although this is a huge problem he is in the midst of getting a medical workup and is comfortable talking about it and will do whatever it takes to help the problem. I orgasm fairly easily and he takes care of me all the time. It's difficult for me, especially as we talk about our future - living together etc. But this is not the question I have believe it or not. I share this because I wonder if it makes smaller problems seem bigger and I'm just not conscious of that...The smaller problem is that he doesn't respond to things I say. He definitely listens. But I may tell him this crazy thing that happened at work and there is just silence on his end. Not "Wow!" or a follow up question or comment. When I say something jokingly about what I said he says "I was listening!" and verbatim repeats what I just said. Same with over texting. I'll say something like "Just saw a monkey skateboarding" (obviously not but you get the drift) and he'll respond an hour later "Do you want barbecue for dinner?" Then I'll say "Did you read that I saw a monkey skateboarding?" and he might reply "yes, I saw that." I think it's just a weird social skill thing but it drives me nuts! I say things but I don't think he gets why it bugs me and I don't want to be critical of him. He's very sensitive as am I. Should I try to just let it go?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (21 June 2012):
 Oh I hear you ,I have been married to a man like that. " I met your cousin today ". Silence. Again : " I met your cousin today ". Again silence . Third try , in a lightly higher voice " I said I met your cousin today " " I know. I heard you the first time ".
What you call " just a weird social skill thing ", frankly,I call it basically just rudeness and bad manners. At least in my culture. For Native Americans - at least in the movies - it's OK to say " The big white eagle flew over the prairie . Augh. ", and all the others keep a stony silence. But in our culture, the proper , polite , OBVIOUS thing to do is to AKNOWLEDGE that someone has just talked to you, whether you are interested in the subject or not. " Oh really " "Indeed" " I see ". " And was that eagle flying very high ? "
Say something back- something lame, if you wish, but say something !
Or perhaps , as you more generously suggest, it's just some inborn deficit of socialization skills. Possible,...but I don't know.... I mean, one should have to be autistic , or a BAD case of Asperger's, to NOT pick up and NOT notice and NOT be able to copy what most people do so routinely....
I wish you more luck than I had in dealing with this , mine was sort of a lost battle. I talked to him, nicely and diplomatically ( not " Oh you are such a jerk " ) - he did somewhat see my point and made occasional attempts to improve , but eventually it was always back to the same pattern. Some bad habits are very hard to unlearn.
Is it a big problem ? ... Not really, it's very annoying IMO, but not enough per se to sink an otherwise good relationship. You say everything else is fine, so I guess you can just put up with this one flaw ( well, it would be two flaws- but the other one hopefully is being fixed soon ).
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (21 June 2012):
 I was just thinking what ImmortalPrincess just said. He may be one of those men who listens but only responds when you ask a question. Or, when I would ask for help with something that he knew about, he would be thrilled to help and talk with me. It is sometimes frustrating, but if you really like him, you'll find a way to communicate with him and just realize that he won't always give you responses.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (21 June 2012):
Okay, so I'm not a doctor at all able to diagnose anyone. But does he not have very much of a sense of humor in general? Does he not catch on very well to sarcasm and/or jokes? He could have Asperger's and to him, everything is literal and he doesn't "get" joking. Basically, emotional type of stuff doesn't really affect him the same way as it does you. Just an option I'm throwing out there. If it is that, he really just cannot help it.
Otherwise, maybe he just doesn't know how to respond to what you say sometimes? Maybe his sense of humor is different? Maybe he thinks what happened at work isn't that big of a deal and doesn't know how to respond? Who knows? Have you tried talking to him about it yet? Maybe just ask him--don't go on the attack but just tell him you're curious because sometimes it makes you feel like what you have to say isn't important or amusing to him and it kind of hurts your feelings. Effective communication requires feedback, which he isn't doing, so it kind of makes your conversations stagnant.
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A
female
reader, ImmortalPrincess +, writes (21 June 2012):
 He could be one of these men who only speak when they have something of value to add to the conversation. My husband is the same way. He will answer me when I ask him a question, but other then that, he only speaks when he has something relevant to say. My father is also like that, so I am used to it. They're hearing everything I say, they just don't have anything to add.
My husband will engage in conversation if it is a topic that he's interested in, he has knowledge or experience of, or you ask his opinion.....other then that, he is quiet.
I don't know if any of this is what's going on with your boyfriend, but I just wanted to give you an idea of what it could be
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