A
female
age
,
*ola333
writes:My boyfriend and I have had a rocky relationship to say the least. The first year of our relationship he had an emotional affair with an old girlfriend. He even kissed her once and even though he told me about it, I have never fully trusted him since. I should also say that I was in a bad marriage that ended due to my exes infidelities.My boyfriend and I perform in local theater. He is a complete flirt and is always checking out other women's bodies. I am okay with that to a certain extent because we all look. Yesterday, he came home and told me that he is now riding with some 20 something woman to the rehearsals. He had been riding either by himself or with a couple other guys. He immediately started talking about this woman, how nice she is etc. I should mention he is 61 and looks it so I am not worried she is going to find him attractive or something but this is really bothering me. The commute is long and often after rehearsal he has to stay late because now he is waiting for her to get done. She has a much bigger part. My problem is we work completely different shifts and the only time I get to see him is the few minutes after rehearsal and before bed which will now be even less due to this commuting situation. It is a 40 minute drive by the way. I also don't want hom going out after the play drinking with some woman I have never met. This often happens during shows. And when you commute with others you do what the group wants.I am torn on the one hand I want to trust him but on the other hand I am gun shy and battle scarred from his previous behavior. He says I just have to trust him. I say I am not comfortable with him riding with some woman I have never met. It is not like he has to. We have 2 cars. We are fighting about this. I feel very strongly that this is violating some deep boundary for me. I don't know whether I am being unreasonable or just protecting myself. He says either I let him do this or we breakup. I say fine lets break up. What would you do in this situation? Should I let this one go or stick to my laurels. I don't have a problem with him being in a show with women. But for some reason this is really bothering me.
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affair, flirt, my ex, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lola333 +, writes (11 October 2012):
Lola333 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is still riding with the young woman. He doesn't care what I think. I am making a plan to move out. I understand that in a good relationship that I should trust him but I don't trust him. To be trusted you must act trustworthy. I can't believe I have settled for this for so long.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): "Boyfriend does what he wants without considering my feelings"
Then he should already be your EX-boyfriend.
You can bitch and moan and pout and cry and wish and hope and pray and dream and wave a magic wand all you want, but he is NEVER going to change and you are NEVER going to like him the way he is.
For God's sake, BREAK UP!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): I've had a first hand experience with this before. In my opinion, it could just be a simple ride to the theatre but if you're mentioning the fact he stares at other womens bodies and also goes on about how nice this woman is, you could hit problems, in the end he shouldnt be talking to his partner about how nice this woman that hes driving to the theatre with is, its disrespectful and rude. Also he needs to grow up and realise he has a partner and hes not 21 anymore thinking he can do whatever with any female. You seriously need to sit down and talk this straight through, or you could simply do your worst back, if he doesnt care, you know where to go.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (4 October 2012):
 He gave you an ultimatum, either you let him get rides with this girl or he walks. Let him walk. There's no need for him to have to ride with her and he clearly doesn't give a crap about your feelings towards it. Don't bother trying to work on anything, he doesn't care about your feelings and never will, he cares only about himself and apparently attractive women. A healthy relationship doesn't issue ultimatums by the way, you discuss things calmly and each state your argument and side. You don't start throwing out threats when you aren't going to get your way. Let him go have a try at the 20 year old and make a fool of himself. Don't take him back when he comes crawling though.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 October 2012):
WHY would you put up with a guy like this???? You can do better...
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 Hi
I am not saying nothing will happen but I think its highly unlikely to be honest. There is a huge age difference for a start. He enjoys his theatre nights, probably enjoys the company of a 20 something girl too,but he could be her grandad.
I dont know how you can stop how you feel,unless you go out of your way to actually meet the girl,go to rehearsals with him,take the time off work.Your gut feeling will let you know whats what.You can do it in a casual way,just say you've got the day off so thought you would go along with him or just for the drink afterwards.
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A
female
reader, AuntyAunt +, writes (4 October 2012):
 You're not being unreasonable. Due to his past behavior he now has to be more understanding and sensitive with you about these situations. If he's cheated on you before he should be making tremendous effort to prove to you that it's not going to be happening again, not acting the way he is now.
He's being disrespectful in my opinion and you both need a serious talk about this. He either treats you as you 100% deserve to be treated or he packs his bag. Simple!
Best of luck to you both!
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