A
female
age
36-40,
*eatherrrrrrr
writes:Depressed over the loss of my father, and my jealous boyfriend won't give me space!I have never been with someone who loved me so much and respected me so little. We have been together since December of last year, and my father passed away in January of this year. My mother died when I was 10, and now I'm 26 and an orphan. My boyfriend's life is perfect, great job, great family, parents are wealthy and still married. He says he has sympathy and compassion for my situation, but his insecurities make him erupt in fits of jealousy. He finally got it sort of under control, but now when we get into fights and I ask him to leave so I can have a cooling off period, he won't. He literally will not leave my house until he has made me so angry that I am threatening to call the police and have them remove him from my property. We have not ever been physical in our fights, btw.Once he finally leaves, he will call me over and over all night long and all day the next day. I beg him to give me space, to no avail. I have broken up with him 4 times, but he always guilts me into taking him back, because I am lonely, depressed, and vulnerable. When things are good, they are very good, and I do love him very much. How do I make him understand that he is killing me with his clingyness? I have tried to explain my need for space in every combination of words I can think of. I feel like I have no identity of my own anymore and nothing I say or do has any effect on the way things are. How can I be in love with a person who makes me feel this way?
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female
reader, heatherrrrrrr +, writes (7 August 2010):
heatherrrrrrr is verified as being by the original poster of the question I started going to therapy again a couple of weeks ago, and I've been going to Codependents Anonymous meetings for two weeks, as well. I took the boyfriend to therapy and meetings and nothing has really changed.
I broke up with him last night and he texted me all night threatening to commit suicide, so I think it was probably the right decision. In his case, he was actually kinda nuts, not just looking for more affection.
But thanks for your advice, if I wasn't already in therapy I would've taken what you said and done it.
A
female
reader, Practical  +, writes (6 August 2010):
It's not only him, it's the depression that makes you feel not respected .. he REALLY loves u !! he's afraid that if he gives space u will forget about him..
So u got to sit with him.. and be loving and affectionate .. tell him that u need the time of your own and u will never forget about him when he backs off..
By the way .. it's taking you so long... I believe u should see a therapist regarding that depression .. it's been 7 months and u r still depressed .. this is not healthy at all.. do not lose yourself in that black whole .. get some help and include your bf .. invite him to come with u, so the therapist can explain to him how giving space doesn't mean separation ..
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