A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend always said he didn't get into porn, although I did. He said he subscribed to playboy for several years in his 20's, most of them stayed in the wrapper because of their worth and "he liked the articles". But whatever, I tried introducing porn into our relationship and he wouldn't even look at the screen, so I tried 3 times and quit, believing this wasn't his thing. He knew I viewed it on my own and did tell me he didn't love the idea of me watching it, but wouldn't stop me. So I didn't, but over time his influence grew on me and I didn't do it anymore because he was more important.for 2 years I believed he never watched it. He moved in and my gut told me he watches porn. I brought it up and still he said "i told you I don't get into it, it does nothing for me, you seen what it did for yourself". (he couldn't perform until I turned it off). After several attempts to catch him, I gave up and accidentally caught him. At first he said he did it because I was accusing him of it, so he did it if he was gonna be accused. Then when that totally made mad to blame me for his lies and behavior, he said he was ashamed of it and that "truthfully" he didn't think of that as porn. He said porn to him was still photo's, not videos. Is he serious? Am I suppose to buy that? I feel like he is treating me like I am stupid, if he expects me to buy that crap. anyone over 13 knows what porn is and a 36 yr old man doesn't? what is up with this lame excuse and it is hard for me to look at him with any respect with lame excuses like those. he's either stupid or a really bad liar who expects others to believe total bullcrap.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBecause he didn't like me using porn or masterbating, but he was behind my back. The longer we dated the more he was concerned with my masterbation and porn usage. Even though it was few and far between. But he would always say he didn't like me seeing other guys and he wanted to be the one to take care of my sexual urges.It is almost like you see someone who has too much interest in something and it starts making you wonder. He didn't want me to do what he was doing for some reason. And as far as catching him, would you just sit and let someone lie to you for years to your face while condemning you for doing the same thing?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHis choice to lie about it is his own and I didn't have this gotcha attitude. He confessed to it because it was either confess or my daughter was getting into trouble for watching porn. So He admitted and gave me those lame excuses on his own. If you are gonna do someone at least own up to why you are doing it. He acts like a teenager who doesn't know himself. Hard to respect a 36 yr old man who doesn't take responsibility for himself. And as for freeme, we use to have extreme sexual enjoyment. In my past I have used porn with my partner so this was normal. But not needed, just something fun. If he is going to lie about something so stupid, what else is he gonna lie about.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 June 2011):
 He clearly feels shame about watching porn. He shouldn't have lied to you then continued to lie, but he clearly has as CindyCares said, a holier than thou attitude. I'm guessing he wanted to think he was better than that, especially because of his whole insisting that hardcore porn wasn't really porn like photos were. He probably said that more for himself than you, because he's so desperately trying to believe that. If you were OK with porn use, why did you try so desperately to catch him in his lie? Why push for the truth if you knew he was watching anyways?
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A
male
reader, freeme +, writes (14 June 2011):
 I think this guy has some sex issues. He gets playboys and keeps them in the plastic? Does he still have them? Still photos are porn?
I really believe that you should both try to find some sexual satisfaction with each other, without porn and stop making it an issue.
It seems to be an elephant in the room of your relationship. Always looming over you when you are together sexually.
I understand your anger due to his lies, but there does seem to be some sexual dysfunction going on here, and it seems to revolve around this porn. So remove it from the equation and move on.
Once your sex life is satisfying without it, you either won't care about it, or you will both find porn you enjoy together.
But if you need to see something other than him to get you going, then maybe you should re-evaluate the relationship.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 June 2011):
 No, of course he can't be THAT stupid to believe what he says,
But, one can't really blame him if you have this " gotcha" attitude.
It's like you are tryng to shame him for doing something that you do too. You are making him feel weak and guilty and dirty... for something that should not be a problem , since you both enjoy it.
I get it, you are annoyed because he had this sort of "holier than thou " attitude that then the facts have totally disproved. I'd be annoyed too. But, let's try to cut him some slack for not having been consistent and true to his word.
Maybe he was against porn at the beginning, then curiosity had the best of him and he felt like a moron fessing up after having made such a song and a dance against it. Maybe he did not want to be told " I told you so ". Maybe he still has mental reservations about porn -watching, that clearly you don't have, and he feels he is doing something bad and shameful that nobody should know about. That you want to "expose" him so blatantly, it's too embarassing and makes him foolishly think he has to keep his point.
Look, I know it's not exactly the same thing, but I watch reality shows like "Jersey Shore " on the downlow- behind my son's back :). Of course. After having insisted for years and years about the necessity to make discriminating choices in
art and music and literature, and warned him against the evils of commercial TV and pop culture....
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