A
female
age
36-40,
*oncellaSayra
writes:I’m 22 years old and my boyfriend of 2years cheated on me last year around April and got the woman pregnant. I say woman because she was 31 years old and already has a 12 year old girl. He found out that she was pregnant and kept it a secret for 3 months because he said he was afraid to lose me. The way I found out was right after I got back from deployment I went to Texas to visit him and I got a phone call. It was a Texas area code and when I asked him if he knew who was calling because he maybe knew them he got quiet. I said I was going to call the phone number back just to see who it was he snatched the phone away from me and had no choice but to tell me everything. It hurts me that he cheated but what hurts more is the fact that he hid it for so long and wasn’t planning on telling me till she had the baby. I feel so embarrassed and ashamed and I can’t help but to cry to this day. I still stayed with him and we even moved in together, but I can’t help but to feel heartbroken. I’m now deployed again and the trust sucks. I keep telling myself to move on and find someone else but I love him so much to let him go. He is trying to make everything better but I don’t think I will ever heal after such a betrayal. What do I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2009): you should really try to forget him. dont call him. i mean you must be really far from him so it not like ur gonna run into him. tell yourself you deserve better. im gonna find a better men. and look for nice guys date them have fun. u will forget him. don't be dumb. he is never gonna change no matter what he says!!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2009): I hope it workds out and you make the right decision, whatever that may be.
~SY.
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A
female
reader, DoncellaSayra +, writes (24 June 2009):
DoncellaSayra is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much to everyone for all the advice...it really has made me realize EVERYTHING....i just hate what love makes you do!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): Yeah who really starts off thinking "i'm going to cheat on her."?
That's not the point. She's getting deployed.. meaning, she's gone! He can do whatever the hell he wants and the entire time she's gone, she has no way of finding out.
People don't learn if they're not taught.
If you don't teach him that it was not ok then he will do it again. He gets away with it if you stay with him. So what's to stop him from doing it again?
The rest of your relationship you will be wondering if he's doing it again.. it'll eat you up.
You can stay with him if you want and assume he won't do it again or you can leave him and find someone who won't do it in the first place.
Cheating isn't just an act that ruins trust. It's something that shows what type of person you are dealing with. You are dealing with the kind of man who will cheat; and not just a kiss on the lips.. he got her pregnant.. the idiot didn't even bother to use protection!
Another thing that show the type of person you are dealing with is how they handle the fact that they cheated. And he didn't. He hid it from you until he was forced into a confession. I mean, the woman is having a baby.. it's not your everyday cheater situatin. I have no doubt he would've been sneaking around trying to deal with the kid and other woman for as long as until he was caught redhanded.
I mean, I guess "a cheater is not always a cheater" but really.. he is a cheater and he always will be. You can be with someone who has hurt you.. who has done one of the worst things you can do to a relationship, or you can go get the man you deserve,
And what really pisses me off is that this always happens to soldiers. They're off doing what they can for their country, doing something respectable, and the ones at home don't have the decencey to treat them with the same loyalty that they treat they their country to.
As if it's not hard enough being away from home, friends, family, good food, good restrooms, furnished hoouses, restaurants, etc., imagin being out their and not being able to wait to come home and see the people ypu had to leave behind and you find out he couldn't even keep it in his pants. Sure it's hard to be without sex, but you did it didn't you? You didn't go off with all the other army guys, who are probably all buff and whatever.. you stayed loyal.. if you could've done it in your miserable situation, then he could've done it. He could've just jerked off to porn or something.
You deserve a man who will treat you better than that. Even if he never cheats again, you have been wronged..
~SY.
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A
male
reader, MMMaM +, writes (20 June 2009):
A cheater is not always a cheater. Most guys start out expecting never to cheat.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): Do what you do whenever life gives you cold, hard, disgustingly sour, no-good, low-life lemons: Shove the damn things down the garbage disposal, get yourself some cherries, and make cherry pie!(your bf is the lemon).Basically, dump his ass and surround yourself with things that will make you happy.What is the point in wasting time with something so unsatisfying and tongue repellent??You're deploying. He WILL do it again. A cheater is a cheater is still a cheater. I believe that if he was truely remorseful, he would've been honest and upfront with you. You think he would've even told you once he had the baby? I don't. That baby and that "other woman" will be around forver now. Constantly reminding you. making you paranoid, devasted; hurting you. It won't get any easier from here. Deployment is an excellent time to end it, because you're forced away from it. So whether or not you want to be, you will be made accustomed to not being around him. My hubs is deployed and if i had 100$ for every story i heard about cheating spouses, i'd have about.. *thinking*150,000$.You can do it. You can break up with him if you know what's best for you. Do it before you leave so that you can use your time away to try to recover. Goodluck!~SY.
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