A
female
age
30-35,
*u.paloma
writes:Ok so i and my boyfriend are constantly arguing and i can't for the life of my understand why. i always try to avoid arguments with him, so much now that when he calls all i am really doing is agreeing with everything he says. I mostly say "yes, ok, you're right" i never really voice my opinions for fear that he will snap and another argument will occur. he even told me himself that because we argue so much he isn't excited about receiving my calls anymore. and some how with each argument it is always my fault. he is active duty military, i understand that he works long hours, has to put up with a lot of bs, and is stressed from time to time but to me that is not an excuse to take his frustrations out on me. today as we were talking i was trying to avoid another awful argument but alas when i asked him why he had to wake up at 3am he asked was i stupid or just freaking retarted. he never works on the weekend so i was surprised to hear this then within seconds i remembered him telling me late last night they are gonna make him work this weekend. and of course the argument begins..another time i went out with my bestfriend to drop her cousin in atlanta which took the entire day. by the time i got home he had left messages on my and even my sisters phone about how he did not want to be with me because i did not call to tell him where i was or to wish him a goodnight.. etc.. .it is always like this something is always happening, something htat i do, to piss him off. i just don't know what to do anymore. we have been arguing for about a month straight.... So how do i stop the arguing and should i just give up on this relationship?
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female
reader, tu.paloma +, writes (21 May 2010):
tu.paloma is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou know i updated twice lol!
A
female
reader, tu.paloma +, writes (21 May 2010):
tu.paloma is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thank you to all who left advice for me, but i am a stubborn person and sad to say i did not follow any of your advice. well its almost been a year since then and about a month after i posted this question he broke up with me over myspace(not even broke up just blocked me[from his phone too]) and his fiancee sent me a message on myspace asking all kinds of questions and told me they planned to get married in six months then my ex sent me a picture with her name tattooed on his neck. So i should have followed everyone's advice because you guys did know best. i will know better next time(hope it wont be a next time).
Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, tu.paloma +, writes (25 March 2010):
tu.paloma is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLooking back these were all good answers that i should have followed, but being me i am stubborn and when i want a dying relationship to work i keep at it. so since then that guy broke up with me through myspace and suddenly he had a fiancee (they planned to get married in 6 months) maybe they are married now, idc. so now i am in a totally healthy relationship and things are grand! thank you to all that lended advice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): it is just so easy..if u like to be hurt by him...u continue ur relationship with him..but if u hate to argue with him...u just can end up ur relationship.
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A
female
reader, fubr +, writes (20 June 2009):
just get out now why continue to torture yourself??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): It sounds like you have already desperately tried to stop the arguing. I have found that constant argueing in young relationships often comes from resentment of some sort. And what I mean or is, if he's done somethign to hurt you big time in the past, or you've done something that hurt him, or one of you has done somethign that lost a little respect in the others' book, then resentment and anger builds and people begin to aruge. It seems like there's no good reason for any of it, when it reality, the reasoning is subcauntcious. When you lose respect for a person, it's hard to remain patient and tender with them. So my recommendation is to go back into your relationship and do a little searching. Make sure that all wrongs and debts have truely been forgiven and if you feel that there is somethign holding one of you back afterall, address it and work on it until it is truely gone. Other than that though, if there doesn't seem to be anythign in the way - jsut plane "relationship gone sour- case, then what you should do it dependent on this: How hard are you willing to work for this guy? Are there enough charming thigsn you love about him to make up for his faults? If there are, then i suggest couples counseling. If not, then it's time to move on and find someone who you can truely get along with. It takes a very strong relationship to get through the military life. And it's likely that it will only get harder. So make your decision now. ~SY.
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