A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my (now ex) boyfriend for six months. The first four months were amazing, we were both very committed to one another and had great chemistry. During the past two months however he became very distant. Communication on his part went from daily to weekly. He would take hours to respond to my texts.. He stopped making plans with me and would cancel the plans I made. He was always "busy" and we only saw one another a handful of times. I asked him a couple times if everything is okay and he always acted surprised and said yes. Finally I explained to him why this situation wasn't working for me. After acting like nothing happened he said "but I understand if you're not happy... Just let me know and I'll walk away." I told him I cared for him and miss how we were before. I told him I wanted to make it work. Finally... He admitted that he doesn't feel the same way about me as before. That he truly cared for me at one point but somehow the feelings faded. He changed. This happened a few days ago. I ended things and I feel so hurt and upset. I'm angry he wasn't up front with me about his feelings. He only told me because I "forced" him to. I wish he was honest with me instead of wasting two months of my time. During these two months I've tried my best to be understanding. I was worried about him because he was going through some life changes. But I gave him his space. And now it turns out what he was going through wasn't even why he was distant. He stopped caring and doesn't respect me enough to tell me. I truly expected better from him even if the truth hurts. I feel he forced me to break up with him. I know it's only been a few days. I know he's not worth it. But I feel so incredibly low... I've lost my appetite and can't sleep well (even melatonin pills aren't helping). I feel so bitter and empty. What we had before was amazing. I've blocked him from social media but he's well known in my industry and all over the Internet. I know never to contact him again but it's so hard not to. I see him everywhere. Yesterday I dreamed we were on a date, and everything was how it was during the good times. It was amazing. And I cried so much waking up knowing that's gone. I usually move on quite well but he's an exception. I did NOT make him my everything. I had a fulfilling life before him and I still do. A great career, events every weekend, and amazing friends. But I suddenly feel so empty and betrayed. What do I do?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 July 2016):
 Sweetie you need to ask your friends not to show you this stuff, it is not going to help you its just going to make you feel worse. Ask your friends not to tell you anything about him, its time you avoided all off his social media and internet dating profiles. It only makes it harder for you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2016): I'm the OP. Thank you.
My friend just showed me his online dating profile (where we met). He reactivated and added recent photos, and updated his profile which hadn't been updated in years. It hurts but I think is him showing his true colors. I'm truly shocked but I know our breakup was for the best.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (30 June 2016):
You just need to accept that this is going to be a hard time for you, there is no quick fix, there is no way off just wakening up and forgetting what has happened. There will be times you will be sad, there will be times where you are angry, but it does get better believe me. Not contacting him will be the best way to get over him, if you keep in contact then it will take longer and be harder to get over, the best thing for you to do is allow yourself to grieve, it is okay to do that. Then when you feel up to it arrange a girls night in and allow them to support you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2016): I'm the OP. Thank you all for the encouragement. :)
Singinbluebird, to answer your questions:
If there were signs that he was losing interest waaay before he actually did? No, there were no signs. We had an amazing date one day (he even called that evening) but on our next date two days later he was suddenly very distant. It literally happened overnight.
Was I feeling pressured by you? Or were you texting him too much? Not at all. He initiated 95% of all conversations and dates. In fact, three months in, I told him that's one of the things I appreciate/like about him. I also told him I know I'm not one to initiate and if he's okay with that, or if he would prefer I reach out to him more please let me know and I will. He said no, it's okay, just be myself and he will keep asking me out.
I'm angry because I expected so much better from him. He's well respected in our industry, and values friends & family. His brother and best friend are having babies soon and he expressed how excited he was and that he's going to love them so much. It feels like he has so much love to go around, but not an ounce of respect for me. Everyone thinks he's so great and I'm just so hurt.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird +, writes (30 June 2016):
 I'm so sorry this happened. Youre post was very thoughtful and sweet and sincere. Sweetheart...it takes time. You sound like you have a great life--keep and I mean it, KEEP enjoying it. Because he may come back around later but you need to live your life so wonderfully that he knows he lost something great. Something so beautiful. Hes not the exception-YOU ARE. I want to ask though, if there were signs that he was losing interest waaay before he actually did? I hope it wasnt sudden. Was he feeling pressured by you? Or were you texting him too much? Men need to pursue and feel excited about being with a woman. They need to be man, even in the first few months you must never feel too comfortable. Its still the dating process and so enjoy it as much as you can and thats all you can do. Be the most amazing girl and give yourself the most amazing time, regardless of who the guy is! Laugh, wear summer dresses, flirt with him endlessly, keep your feelings exciting. Never pursue a guy sweetie, let him do the work. If you were pursuing and doing all the work, it turns him off. And esp if you go clingy, hes out the door (and felt too guilty to actually step up and break it of thus he tried to ghost you!) But hes done with. Move on, go out dancing, treat yourself to a great weekend out, and also stay home and eat ice cream and cry. FEEL Everything, your sadness, anger, humiliation, loneliness and also realize and love the moments where you were so free and having so much fun with him. Feel all of it. OWN IT girl!And by being honest with yourself. YOU SET YOURSELF FREE! And I know its hard right now, but give it a few weeks. Ive realized that it takes approximately the entire length of a relationship (after a breakup) to get over someone. So it may take you couple months (length of dating time you had with him) but when you get out of that tunnel, youre free and you can date, enjoy other men, let other men give to you, and feel amzing and feminine and sexy. You just have to believe that you will okay for nowGuys may feel free after an initial breakup but once he knows your happy, hes running back. Thats when you can decide if you want him or the cute guy youve been talking to online/at the grocery store/at work. Keep your options open, circulate, stay girly, stay happy.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 "I usually move on quite well but he's an exception" - he's not necessarily an exception, OP; you've only had a few days to adjust! Give yourself more time and accept that you'll dream about the good stuff and be hurt when it's not real; it will fade in time.
Enjoy your life and it's okay to mope a bit when you're home. Make sure you take care of yourself, even when you don't feel like it. You'll move on sooner than you think, if you stop rushing yourself :)
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 It's normal to feel all these things after a break-up, especially one where your partner says that their feelings for you have dwindled. It's very, very natural to feel rejected, humiliated, betrayed and bitter.
Allow yourself vent, allow yourself to feel bad but also tell yourself that whatever happened was for the best and that it's his loss, not yours. Don't ever make the mistake of taking this personally... believe me, there is nothing more that you could have done to make him stay with you. Sometimes things just don't work out and you have to put it behind you. It'll take time, sure, but you must know that this too shall pass and you'll be fine.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2016):
Break ups like this can be very confusing and painful. This is the time when you need to draw family/friends you can trust with your feelings, close to you. Its almost like being taken down with a bad vurus. The body needs time to rest and recover. Sometimes its best to just "be" and let yourself come to terms with the shock and upset Try to keep a basic routine and take time out from work if you need time out.
It wont feel like it now but being dumped can make us a better person longterm. It teaches us the importance of holding a little back, keeping your independence and maintaining friendships (as you have done) and that things and people are fluid and do change.
There are lots of reasons why people end relationships. They may be under too much stress at work or in their personal life, they may struggle with anxiety or commitment issues or just feel depressed about life in general and want change. Finding closure can he tricky as we never really know how another person feels deep inside. They tell us as much as they are willing to share. Thats not important now. The most important thing is you looking after yourself so you can get through these difficult days.
In summary there are no answers and the best outcoe for you is accepta thence but that takes time. This is where the self esteem issue kicks in. Can we accept that things were not right and have the outlook that if someone is willing to walk away thats their decision and we have no control. I now feel that if a guy doesnt want to be with me I certainly dont want to hang around being his back up plan. Life ais too short. I have also found that when a partner seem to fade out for no apparent good reason there is usually a third party involved ie an ex or opportunity that has arisen. If thats the case let them go. Very often if the break up is clean they drift back. Thats when its good to be strong and see it that he left you once and can do it again.
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