A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so I've been going out with my girlfriend for 5 months and shes the perfect girlfriend but its just missing something; for instance I used to get jealous when she'd tell me about guys buying her drinks at the bar but now I really don't mind. To complicate things I've met this other woman who I just click with, we've been out to lunch, go out on late night walks, always talk, things just seem right. God forbid I would ever cheat on my girlfriend, however I've spoken to the other girl and there's a mutual feeling. To complicate things further she already has a boyfriend; who is abusive to her and she says she's afraid to leave him because of how he'd react, she doesn't know what to do and is constantly telling me she doesn't want to hurt me. But now I don't know what to do; both girls are amazing.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): You are having an affair."we've been out to lunch, go out on late night walks, always talk, things just seem right. God forbid I would ever cheat on my girlfriend"You already are, particularly if you aren't fully disclosing this relationship to your gf. How would you feel if she was doing this with another guy who she "really clicked with"."I've spoken to the other girl and there's a mutual feeling"One more step toward more involvement."she already has a boyfriend; who is abusive to her and she says she's afraid to leave him because of how he'd react"You are her Knight in Shining Armor, riding in to rescue the damsel in distress, which makes you feel so great about yourself. Your gf, on the other hand, doesn't need rescued, so you don't feel as powerful and important.But, she doesn't need your help to get out of the relationship, she just needs to leave. She may need a lot more than that, counseling, etc, etc. Bottom line, you can't rescue her from herself.The drama and excitement of the new, attractive, rescue needing female, brings you to your maximal state of feeling good about yourself.Yeah, many of us have felt like that, but it's just another mess in the end.At least, no matter what you do, treat your gf right, be honest, open, and let her go her way without treating her like this.
A
female
reader, sweetpie-x +, writes (31 March 2011):
I dont think its fair on your current girlfriend for you to be going on late night walks with this girl no matter whether other guys are buying her drinks in a nightclub, if that was boyfriend, he would be out of there in an instance! so i think you need to be honest with her about that, and if this other girl says she has the same 'feelings' for you, then it would be easy for her to leave her 'abusive' boyfriend, and are you sure she is telling you the truth, do you have evidence? maybe you should take your girlfriend out for 'late night walks' spice things up a bit, give her the same attention your giving this other girl, maybe youll begin to 'click' again.. i think you need to give your girlfriend a chance, cos i bet if she knew what was going on, she would be heart broken, so think about her feelings first!! But consider other things, who makes you happier? who do you LOVE? because love comes down a lot to it in relationships!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011): I agree whe other answer. You are already cheating on her by being involved with this other women.It is simple really, your girlfriend or the other girl. No what ifs and buts. You clearly aren't completely content with your girlfriend so her do her a favour and let her down easy and don't tell her about the other girl as it will just crush her.If the other girl breaks up with her boyfriend and you make a shot of it then great if not you were never happy with your girlfriend anyway and the other girl played you like a fool. Either way just remember that if you do get with this other girl she can just as easily do the same to you as she could to her current boyfriend.Things don't pan out as easy as we would like but do the decent thing and stop making a fool of your gf. Cheating starts from thinking of another person. When you love someone i believe they should be the only one on your mind.
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A
male
reader, thomas1214  +, writes (31 March 2011):
i can tell you one thing to this amazing girl not your gf but the other one is playing mind games with you. if she was in an abusive relationship she'd have bruises right? does she have bruises? how come she can stay out with you for a late night walk? wouldnt her bf call her or not let her go out at that time? let me put it this way she wants to plow you with out her saying plow me. she's doing it very subtly
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (31 March 2011):
 Look Mr 'God forbid I would ever cheat on my girlfriend' - here is a wake up call - you are cheating on her already and have been since you met this other woman. You are having an emotional affair and this is just as bad, if not worse than a purely physical affair. So stop kidding yourself that you are doing nothing wrong and would never cheat - because you are 100% cheating on your girlfriend by having this other woman in your life.
This really is quite a simple situation for you to resolve - who do you want to be with more? Your girlfriend or the other girl? If the answer is 'the other girl but I'm worried she wont leave her boyfriend' - then you still have to leave your girlfriend because you have met someone you have stronger feelings for, therefore you dont really love her/care for your girlfriend that much. Even if it doesnt work out with the other girl, it would still be incredibly unfair to your girlfriend to carry on with her, because you know you are capable of having stronger feelings for someone else therefore she will never have all of your heart.
Imagine how your girlfriend would feel if she found out everything you have told us - that you have been going out on dates with another woman, that you go on romantic late night walks together, and that you have feelings for someone else - I think she would not hesitate in dumping your sorry ass. If you never wanted to cheat on your girlfriend you would have stayed away from this other girl as soon as you met her, but instead you have allowed this situation to develop and you are hurting your poor girlfriend who has done nothing wrong.
Quite simply you dont deserve your girlfriend, regardless of what happens with the other girl because after only 5 months, when you should still be madly in love and in the honeymoon phase you are taking another woman out on dates and declaring your feelings for her. She can do a million times better than you, so try and redeem yourself here by letting your girlfriend go and move on, so she can be happy with a guy who will treat her right and will only have eyes for her.
If it works out with the other girl well good for you, if not well you got what you deserved. But dont drag your girlfriend into this mess - you need to come clean and tell her what you have been up to. You might even get away with her dumping you so you dont even have to make the decision to leave her. All these lies and dishonesty after only 5 months means that your relationship is doomed, every minute more you stay with this poor girl the more you are hurting her so please, grow a pair, face up to what you have done and end things with her so she can go on to be happy.
Sorry if any of this is a bit harsh, I dont mean to offend, but you seem to be in a bit of a bubble thinking 'oh I have 2 great girls in my life, who do I choose?' but the reality is completely different, you are having an emotional affair behind your girlfriend's back and if she knew about it, you wouldnt have 2 girls to choose from anymore, there would only be the other woman. You dont sound like a bad guy, but if you continue with this you will just be like the other cheating jerks we see daily on this site so if you really are a good guy - do the right thing and end it with your girlfriend. Dont be selfish and hang onto her because you are unsure about where this thing with the other girl is going, you have to let her go because what you have done is unforgiveable and you have already ruined your short 5 months together.
Good luck!
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