A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone!I've been best friends with this girl in my class for about a year now. She's someone I had a big crush on a few years back but eventually realized what kind of guys she likes... a kind of guy that I could never be lol. So... I think it started to go downhill when we went on a "SCHOOL'S OUT ROADTRIP!"where we drove to Cincinnati for a concert. She is a Marijuana "enthusiast" and a drinker. I Had always wanted to try pot and my mom didn't care if i tried it as long as I didn't get caught. so before the concert we both ate pastries and walked to the concert. The "experience" of it was not as great as I thought it would be, but afterword we walked back to our hotel room and watched a movie. afterword, she wanted to actually smoke it out of a bowl she brought with her and I told her it probably wasn't a good idea. She stopped trying but then went straight to bed and I soon followed.The next morning, we checked out and started driving home. She didn't speak the entire ride home. The next time I even spoke to her was on my Birthday about 3 week later on 6/28 where I hung out with her for about an hour. since then and today I've tried to make plans with her about 3-4 times.It always starts with me asking to hang out, she always responds, but says she's busy and that later she can. She says she'll call me back but never does and leaves me hanging for the entire day (0_0). ITS SO AGGRAVATING! I made it clear before, during, and after the concert that I wasn't trying to be anymore than friends, but I think she felt like I should have made a move on her in the hotel room after the concert. I don't want to be any more than friends with her also because I think she's going out with her drug dealer who she spends almost all of time with. AND JUST TODAY!!! I tried to make plans, she said she'd call me at 3:30 (I talked to her @ like 12:30ish) 5pm roles around and I text her to see whats up, she responds instantly with what shes doing which is "just chillin' at home. wbu?" I tell her im going to get something to eat, ask her if she still wants to hang out and if she wants to join me." AAAANNNDDDD... NOTHING!! NO Gosh Darn response.WHAT THE F!Did she really want to be more than friends? Is she really THAT irresponsible? What should I have done differently if at all? and what can I do from here?Any kind of feedback is appreciated!Thanks!
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male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (1 August 2012):
I don't think it's because she was hoping for something more. She just doesn't care about you as much as you do about her. This goes with the fact that you used to/still do have feelings for her. The fact that she has a bf and does drugs could mean that she doesn't see the value in things like "best friends". Her mind just isn't there. But I understand the least she can do is be respectful...but even then I think you are hoping for too much from a druggie.
In this "best friends" relationship, what does she do for you? And what is it that you do for her?
My advice is your own, to leave it for a long time and well..live your own life with the fun and enjoyment you deserve.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice. I was afraid that this was the response that I was going to get regarding her... but you're both right.
P.s. Abella...
Unfortunately her parents are unaware of the full scope of it all, and they are LOADED, (dad owns several cars that are worth more than my home). I feel horrible for her, because I think its the drug dealer BF that is using her (she gives him rides everywhere, in fact, i dont think he owns a car.)
Im going to leave it alone for the time being, and if she finally hits that rock bottom, I guess i'll be there for her then.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (31 July 2012):
 Abella has given you an excellent response. It sounds like she is into her drugs more than she is you. I personally would cut off contact from her. If you have tried time after time to ask her out with no success, it's time to call it quits. I know you like her, but she doesn't sound like much of a catch. By her actions and responses, she does not sound like an interesting person. She sounds like she does not have much of a personality (probably from the drugs). If she has put you off this much, she is not interested.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (31 July 2012):
 Right now you still see her as the girl you have known for a year. She was the sweet girl you have a crush on. But she is not that sweet girl any more. She is deeply emeshed in the world of illicit drugs
You have done nothing wrong but she is in the throes of loving her drug more than anything else.
Her drug dealer now doubt even gets 'favours' as payment for the drugs he supplies her on occasions.
Though his generosity will not last. He is now slowly drawing her deeper into his web of drugs. And no doubt her has visions of introducing her to stronger drugs than just weed.
Right now she worships the drugs she is using, lives for the drugs and will do whatever she needs to get the drugs.
She will also prefer to hang out with people willing to do drugs as much as her.
Just like alcoholics who seek out others who will drink as much as they want to drink so too will drug addicts increasingly seek out people who want to try drugs to the same intensity they already are using.
Eventually the existing drugs she is using will not be enough to get high and her drug dealer will help her out with stronger drugs.
Nothing will discourage her from wanting stronger drugs once her dealer has given her a few free tastes, and she will associate with anyone who will facilitate or even help fund her growing addictions.
She is unreliable because her need for the drugs is becoming stronger. Anyone not assisting her to get the drugs or not willing to support her desire for more drugs or not willing to do drugs with her is useless to her.
At this pace in another year you will hardly recognise her.
Until she wants to get away from drugs she will do nothing but think about when she can next get high, where she will get her next fix, who can supply her with her next fix and how will she get enough money for her next fix.
And you cannot turn her against drugs. She does not want to do that yet. She may have to reach rock bottom to even consider entering a program to help her kick her addiction.
She may even have to be brought to hospital close to death before she realises how low she has sunk. And even then if her drug dealer turned up she would go with the drug dealer rather than face trying to get clean.
Though if she is helped by her dealer to use the stronger the drugs, which she cannot afford, her drug dealer may even encourage her to enter the world of prostitution, just so she can fund her habit.
Drugs are a cruel master/mistress.
Only she can help herself. You cannot save her.
If you continue to associate with her she will try to drag you down to her level too.
It is time to realise that the girl you once knew has gone. She wants to be a drug addict.
If you value your life and your future the best thing you can do is to NOT enable her addictions. Do not give her money to help her out. Do not have her in your home. When things get really bad she will even steat from her family and her friends just to fund her addiction.
I do understand that you still want to see the girl you knew and had a crush on.
She is not there for you anymore.
The girl you see is different inside to the girl you knew.
To best help her you have to back away.
She has to come to the truth by herself.
The penny will not drop for sometime yet.
Where are her family? Do they realise that she already has a regular drug dealer?
One day she will wake up to how much she has lost by getting involved in illicit drugs.
When all her former friends (who do not do drugs) are distancing themselves from her the penny might drop.
The best thing you can do is remember her for how she used to be. And pray and hope that one day that wonderful girl can come back.
Do not join her during her drug forays. She will make your life horrible if she sucks you into her risky world of drug deals. And using. and Hanging out with drug dealers and drug users.
It is degrading to be so spaced out that the person does not realise how truly sad and down they look when they can't do anything but slide down against the wall, spaced out from drugs and their clothing in disarray and yet still desperate for their next fix. Still willing to plead and beg with complete strangers to spare bit of cash to fund their next fix so they can get high again.
For your own self preservation maybe even have a good long talk with your Mom about why you are not going to see this girl again until she is clean of illicit drugs. By telling your Mom you are pledging your honor and your word that you do not want to be associated with an illicit drug user.
In five years time, when you see her again, you will realise the wisdom of these words.
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