A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together for about 1.5 years now n he is now completely commited to me, but in the beggining he used to flirt with these girls. I brought up that it bothered me, then we argued, and he still insisted that she was just a friend etc even though was telling her how beautiful she was and how much he missed her. He eventually deleted her from all online things, doesnt talk to her and has even deleted all those associated with her, and has manned up but only because he saw that he was losing me over it. He has also proven to me that he is loyal, stopped flirting, and wont even look at other girls. He'll actually hold me closer and flaunt that he loves me in front of hot girls if and when they happen to pass by. My question: When does the bitterness about the past end? We are good but i feel like some of my love for him died back then after all of the hurt from his flirting and his refusal to respect my feelings initially. does the love come back??
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, eternallyinfinite +, writes (12 May 2012):
The bitterness ends when you realize that you're being unreasonable. Your boyfriend may have not respected your feelings the way you liked in the beginning, but it sounds like he is now putting in a lot of effort (cutting off contact with the girl, stopped flirting, etc) for you. So you ARE worth a lot to this guy. No relationship is 100% perfect. If you keep on holding onto the bitterness, your relationship will have problems in the future ... so you should really let it go
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): I have had a similar experience to this. My husband used to keep in contact with another woman as a supposed friend. Eventually he cut contact with her but I cannot forgive the hurt he caused me and I feel terrible bitterness about it. I feel bitterness towards him and I am unable to let it go. Part of my relationship with him died over it and although I have tried to put it behind me it is always there and will surface if we argue. Sometimes it is impossible to put behind you and to forgive the pain caused but if you want the relationship to work long term then you are going to need to try. You need to focus on yourself and make yourself confident and unassailable. This can be achieved by looking after yourself, keeping fit, good beuty regime and by behaving decently. Make yourself not dwell on this woman, affirm to yourself that you are more attractive, stronger and a better catch and consolidate your relationship with your boyfriend by making him a better person by being with you. This is a confidence and security thing tinged with jealousy and all of these issues can be overcome. It is very important not to fixate on this woman and if she is mentioned to rise above it and move the conversation swiftly along so your boyfriend thinks you are no longer bothered even if you are screaming inside.Bitterness is hard to get over, it has taken me a lifetime and it still hasn't gone but I can put it in a box and shut the lid when I need to. You really have to work out if your boyfriend is worth it or if you would be better with someone with a clean start. For me in hinsight I should have moved on as it has made me a very bitter person.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): "When does the bitterness about the past end?"When YOU decide to end it. He's done all he can to make amends and move forward, unfortunately as a mere mortal human being waving a magic wand and rewriting history is beyond his capabilities."i feel like some of my love for him died back then after all of the hurt from his flirting and his refusal to respect my feelings initially. does the love come back??"Again, it's all up to YOU. You have two choices: forgive his transgression that he's gone out of his way to rectify and move forward, or leave him. Unless, of course, you are the only person on the planet with the option of waving a magic wand and rewriting history. Otherwise, you can't continually hold your residual bitterness over his head and expect him to remain in love with you. If I were him and you were being a female canine by constantly throwing the past in my face despite my having done literally everything in my power to make things right, I'd have already dumped you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (12 May 2012):
You should try to get over it. If he was willing to do all of this in order to come closer to you, you should pull your own and come closer to him. You can't expect there to be perfection in relationships after all no one is perfect so forgive him and just move on so you can enjoy the relationship.
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (12 May 2012):
 The bitterness ends when you choose it to. Make it end today. Either forgive him and never look back, or dump him. You can't hold the past against him, otherwise you two won't develop as a couple and grow together.
...............................
|
