A
female
age
30-35,
*low
writes:Hi, again! This time I have a more personal question- and I appreciated the answers I got last time, so I figured I'd open up a little bit more and ask for a little help with intimacy.My boyfriend and I both really love oral sex. In fact, it was one of the first things we both clicked on, sexually. I love giving oral, it's one of the most pleasurable acts of foreplay for me because I feel completely in control of my boyfriend's pleasure. His reactions feed my libido and despite the fact that he sometimes admits to feeling bad for having me do it- I assure him that I enjoy it and so he shouldn't worry.He also loves to perform oral sex, but the last time he did, it was extremely difficult for him to get me to climax. I tried explaining to him that it wasn't his fault and that he was doing fine, but I think the difficulty may have discouraged him because he hasn't tried to go down on me, since.I really love the way he makes me feel when he goes down on me, but I don't know how to initiate the act without pestering him and without losing my sensuality in the process.How can I encourage him not to give up on me and to continue giving me oral on occasion? (I know this may sound a little desperate or greedy, sorry! I can't help but admit that I love it.)
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 May 2012):
 I think part of the issue might be that it is tiring to go from zero to 60 with just oral. It might be helpful to you to have him use his fingers to get you around 3/4 of the way there, and then ask him to use oral to get you the rest of the way. It can feel not just tiring but very disappointing for a guy to have to work so hard for so long. Even though it's totally normal (the average woman takes 20-30 minutes), it can still feel like it's taking too long in the moment. If you take some of the pressure off by using fingers for awhile, or even using your own fingers for awhile, then it won't feel like he's not doing a good job. You can even tell him to meet you in the bedroom in 10 minutes while you use your own fingers to get partway there.
As for giving him oral, I can't imagine that if you moaned into his ear in the heat of the moment how much you wanted to go down on him and how sexy it would be that he would decline.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2012): blow just explain to your boyfriend that oral is not about the climax it's about the intimacy, the willingness to please and it feels awesome regardless of the end result. Explain to him how a woman's body works and that you quite simply just won't have an orgasm every time you're stimulated, even if all the right buttons are pressed there is literally no woman in the world that climaxes every time she's touched, it's that simple.
Then explain to him that oral is important to you both giving and receiving. It's not some competition and he's not some kind of failure for not bringing you to a climax, this isn't, this is real life and a woman's climax is never guaranteed, he's already a winner the moment he decides to go down on you. The rest is just an awesome bonus. Tell him you don't want to lose that because he's brilliant at it.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 May 2012):
 You need to talk to him about this when you are both not in an intimate moment. Just talk to him about your sex life and tell him that you really love it when he goes down on you that you get great pleasure out of it. His confidence has probably just been dented because he never got you to reach climax but am sure he will come around again soon, just reassure him.
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