A
female
age
41-50,
*illy sue
writes:Hi,I am kind of having problems writing about my issues in a structured way so please bear with me...I always knew I could love a person of either gender, but ended up sleeping with guys and eventually falling in love with one.We have been together for a few years now and I love him. We had issues though about our sex life (not enough of it, initially it was because he didn't seem to want it that often). At some point I was thinking that maybe the problem comes from the fact that I prefer women. At that point were thinking of separating so I went ahead and met a girl with whom I really had an amazing experience.However I still feel attracted to some men, love my bf and feel that I cannot be entirely gay since I enjoyed sex with men before. I would say that I am probably bisexual with a preference for women.However there is also the issue that my bf compulsively collects amateur porn and nude images (also nude images of pregnant women, not necessarily sexual just acts), a fact which when I found it out in the first month of living together has deeply hurt me as he seemed not to have interest in enjoying getting physical with me but preferred to look at those pics.I have in the past thought about wanting to have children, but was also a bit scared of pregnancy. I always thought that if two people love each other they will eventually have children, but since seeing those pic on his pc and since finding out that some people can be actually turned on by getting someone pregnant I feel more and more phobic of pregnancy and completely turned of by the whole idea. Sometimes I want to be close to him and we have sex, and I like being around him,but then after sex I just feel dirty.I know I would not feel dirty after sex with a girl.It is the whole procreation part that really disgusts me about sex with men.I guess I am only able to accept sex with men as either this totally pure for pleasure thing, which has not procreation undertones, or as this ultimate love thing where you want to have a baby, but then this is not sex but love.Basically I love a guy, can be attracted to men but feel like intercourse pollutes me. Is it because of his porn taste? Otherwise I can be kinky and daring, but he is not really interested in this side of me.
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female
reader, Sausha  +, writes (19 December 2008):
Need to know a little more about what exactly you're looking to find here. In regards to the sex making you feel "polluted" could it possibly be because you have feelings for this guy and you want the sex to mean more but feel he's just in it for the orgasm? Just takin a shot in the dark here but it sounds like either you feel wrong after the fact either due to the fact that your heart's not in it or because you don't feel his is. If you truly felt you were just sleeping with him for the pleasurable aspect of things then this feeling of it being a mistake shouldn't happen. It sounds like you heart and you hormones are disagreeing.
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