A
female
age
30-35,
*atalieejanex
writes:Ok so I'm bisexual and I've known since I was young, around 12/13. I watch lesbian porn but to me that does not determine my sexuality or anybody else's for that matter. but what I do want to do is experiment more with other girls but I'm already in a committed relationship with my boyfriend who I've been with for just over a year now. He understand and accepts that I'm bisexual but I don't want to cheat on him or have sex behind his back. What should I do?
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female
reader, natalieejanex +, writes (27 February 2011):
natalieejanex is verified as being by the original poster of the question relationships ended. end of.
A
female
reader, natalieejanex +, writes (13 February 2011):
natalieejanex is verified as being by the original poster of the question1) Because i don't have the same feelings for my ex anymore nor does she have any feelings for me. we broke up 2years ago and that was that. if she has feelings for me, i would not attempt anything and i've just got back in contact with her recently. we've been getting on fine. she's a really good friend. if she liked me again, she'd tell me. she also is straight up about how she feels and her opinions/views.
2) Because i love my boyfriend..
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female
reader, natalieejanex +, writes (13 February 2011):
natalieejanex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much :)
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 February 2011):
 i really love my boyfriend but things aren't perfect between "us, far from it. the reason i wanted an open relationship was to have my own space and a bit of freedom to kind of explore and experiment."
"the threesome would be with my ex girlfriend and she's a lesbian so i doubt she's gonna be looking at him the way i do and touching him out of love and affection"
"And last but not least, in my own opinion a committed relationship does NOT have to be for LIFE, nobody is with somebody for ALL of their lives!"
Your gonna have sex with your ex, someone who has "love and affection" for you in front of your current boyfriend, someone who you don't get on with all the time and want some space from?
mmmmmmm... two questions
1. Why don't you go back to your ex?
2. Why don't you just stay single and experiment?
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female
reader, Drat001 +, writes (13 February 2011):
Oops, I forgot to mention earlier that one thing I admire is that you do not seem to have a problem staying committed to someone, and I like that you aren't wanting to cheat, at least in a way that would hurt the partner. When you are at a point where you meet the person you will spend your life with, that character trait will help you very much in staying faithful to your parnter, when you make that life-long committment.
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female
reader, Drat001 +, writes (13 February 2011):
Good, I hope you understand that we aren't trying to argue with you about anything, we're trying to give you advice/warning that things very well could go wrong. I've been the other girl in one of these relationships with a bi woman, and it went horribly, horribly wrong, and ended a marriage, just to let you know. So, what I'm trying to say is, when you commit to one person in a relationship, it should be to that one person and that one person only for the rest of your life. When you bring another person into the relationship, it's going to increase the chances of that relationship failing by a whole lot. I'm not telling you you shouldn't do anything. I'm just letting you know that if you do, there could be serious consequences. But, of course, you're still young and if you and your boyfriend do go separate ways, it's not like you're too old to find someone else. So, do what you need to do to find yourself, and once you are able to accept exactly who and what you are, and aren't at an "experimental" point any more, then you'll meet someone who'll accept you for who and what you are. I mean, honestly, who marries the person they dated when they were 17 years old? 5-10% of the population? Just, like I said, whatever you do be prepared to accept the consequences.
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female
reader, natalieejanex +, writes (13 February 2011):
natalieejanex is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni'm not getting pissy with the answers that are given to me, i'm just clearly stating how i feel and my views, thoughts and opinions. sorry if it seems that way but i'm a straight up kinda girl and i don't sugar coat things, if i don't like something i will state that. but i thank you all for commenting and giving me your thoughts and opinions on my situation, its really helped me so thank you :) and Tiff1985 i am very sure of having a threesome and i pretty much think that seeing/watching another girl touching and doing things to him would turn me on. and the threesome would be with my ex girlfriend and she's a lesbian so i doubt she's gonna be looking at him the way i do and touching him out of love and affection and thank you :)
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female
reader, Tiff1985  +, writes (13 February 2011):
I wasnt being rude or judgmental, it just sounded like to were having second thoughts about it. You shouldn't get pissy with the answers and advice that are being given to you, you are the one that asked for it. I didnt once say anything about the amount of time you guys have been together or how committed you two are, u came to that conclusion all on your own.
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female
reader, Tiff1985 +, writes (13 February 2011):
Im glad that he is open to the idea of having a threesome, BUT you dont seem 100% about that idea. Just make sure you can handle it. Im kinda in the same boat as you. In a relationship and Bi, but I would never be able to share my boyfriend. Just make sure you are prepared to have another woman looking and touching him and the other way around.Or you could set some boundries... I hope you enjoy your experience and get what you are looking for out of it.
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female
reader, natalieejanex +, writes (13 February 2011):
natalieejanex is verified as being by the original poster of the question"Not trying to be a downer, but how many times have those words been said right before a life-altering mistake?" - None in my life to be honest. I live my life my way and I live it to the fullest that I can because we only get ONE chance. How do you know for sure that it's going to cause problems in my relationship? If it does, it does. Things happen for a reason. If he was in the same situation or was bi or whatever and he came to me wanting to play around with his sexuality, I'd be fine with that as long as I know that I'm the only one in his heart and that he loves me and no I wouldn't consider that cheating, its an open relationship. And last but not least, in my own opinion a committed relationship does NOT have to be for LIFE, nobody is with somebody for ALL of their lives! Yeah, maybe a year isn't that long to you, but for a 16-17 year old to hold a strong relationship with someone for a year or just over is near enough to a miracle. I don't know many other 16-17 year olds that have held a relationship for that long or even near that long.
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female
reader, Drat001 +, writes (13 February 2011):
You're a A female age 16-17, and you write "i've been in 2 committed relationships that have worked fine and for a long period of time." A committed, long-term relationship is for life, not for a long period of time, especially if it's only for a year. At 17, a year might seem a long time, but when you're older, a year long relationship will be like nothing at all.Also, if you have sex with someone who isn't your relationship partner, whether they know about it or not, whether they are the same sex or not IS cheating. You can rationalize it all you want, but it will cause problems, I gurantee. If your boyfriend came and told you that he wanted to have sex with other men or other women, and wanted your blessing, would you consider that cheating?"i don't see nothing wrong with having a bit of fun" Not trying to be a downer, but how many times have those words been said right before a life-altering mistake?
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female
reader, natalieejanex +, writes (13 February 2011):
natalieejanex is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni really love my boyfriend but things aren't perfect between us, far from it. the reason i wanted an open relationship was to have my own space and a bit of freedom to kind of explore and experiment. i wouldn't say i'm not ready for a committed relationship because i've been in 2 committed relationships that have worked fine and for a long period of time. i've had relationships with both genders and i equally like both genders, as i always say that love should be equal. although because i'm still young i would like to be more open and experimental with my sexuality and who i am. i won't do anything behind his back or without asking first but if he says no, then i won't do anything. he is very understanding and patient with me as we've been together for over a year. he kind of understands the situation and how i'm feeling and what i desire to do. whether i have sex with another girl or not, my heart will always belong to him. i'm in a relationship with him, not the girl i'm going to be having sex with so i don't regard that as cheating because i have no emotional feelings for anybody else other than my boyfriend. he has agreed to have a threesome and he does think that its "hot". and i slightly disagree, i'm not doing anything like that to spite him or because i'm jealous or insecure or selfish, i'm up for it because i want to and i want a variety in my life, i don't see nothing wrong with having a bit of fun..
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female
reader, Drat001 +, writes (12 February 2011):
If you're in a committed relationship with someone, you don't explore feelings for other people. Love isn't about denying who you really are. It's about finding happiness in the partner's happiness, not at all costs, but if you love someone, you would never intentionally do something that would hurt your partner.
I don't know from personal, first hand experience, but I would say that suggestions about having a 3-some should be ignored. I have second hand (people I've known) who did that, and in every case the relationship ended, badly. When people have a 3some, it's nearly always out of selfish reasons for one of the two people in the couple, and jealously, mistrust, anger/resentment always result. Even the lady who famously wrote that book about having an open marriage where she had a girlfriend on the side, yup, that marriage ended too.
If you want to explore your bi side, the best thing to do is end your relationship, find yourself, and let your boyfriend find someone who knows who and what she really is. It sounds harsh now, but you'll know this to be true when you've gained experience: if you find yourself trying to justify having sex with someone who's not your partner, then you're not ready for a committed relationship. I admire that you're at least considering your boyfriend's feelings, and that you don't just want to go out and cheat. What you really need to do is evaluate who you are, what you want, what the nature of your current relationship is, and what you want that relationship to become. If you give it a lot of thought and come to the conclusion that you would rather give up something that is minor in order to have a relationship with someone you will be happy and secure with, then it's worth it to never seek that experience. If, on the other hand, you conclude that your boyfriend isn't the one you will marry, if there are things about him that show he's not yet ready for a life-long committment (and by that I mean that there's absolutely NO part of him that you want to change AFTER you get married--trust me, men don't change for the better after they get married), then you'd be better off leaving him and exploring all aspects of who and what you are so that when you do find the man or woman who is ready to make the committment to you, you'll be ready to make the committment to them, confident in knowing who and what you are.
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female
reader, DanceInTheDark +, writes (12 February 2011):
 Teenage boy with a bisexual girlfriend? You say you don't want to have sex behind his back. Ask him. Chances are he'll just think it's 'hot' and not cheating.
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (12 February 2011):
 Everyone gets urges to be with other people sometimes. It doesn't make a difference what gender the other person is, you don't get one of each gender. You can either stay with your boyfriend, or you can break up with him to be with someone else. Experimenting with another woman is still cheating.
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female
reader, AuntLucy +, writes (12 February 2011):
hey i feel the same.
its just we are finding out who we are
i guess?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 February 2011):
 Well it is totally normal at your age to want to experiment with different things, and if you want to experiment with other girls then am afraid you are either going to have to finish things with your boyfriend or else sit down with him and talk to him and tell him how you are feeling. He may be able to accept that you want to experiment at this point in your life but if he doesnt then I guess you need to make a decision to chose him or to be single and free to experiment. Good luck Hunny.
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female
reader, Tiff1985 +, writes (12 February 2011):
Im not too sure if your boyfriend or you for that matter would be into this but why dont you suggest a 3 some??? That way you could experiment and you would be able to share that experience with your man.
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