A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,Ive been with my boyfriend for almost three years now. He is 25 and I'm 23. Recently he went to live to another city to study. We were living together for almost two years and had built a wonderful home. Our relationship is not the passionate crazy love for each other thing, we've actually broken up many times and have not been really sure about each other throughout the whole thing. I'm not really sure why whe have stuck together, but about a year ago we started enjoying out company and have been more compromised to each other. I think he has never been unfaithful and neither have I. Since he left he has been calling, he has not dissapeared, he has made friends and goes out but usually wakes up or gets home or calls me, no complains about him in that sense. He comes once a month and I go once a month. The idea is that I go live with him in about four months when I finish school. The thing is, I love him, but I don't see where this is going. I can't stand the long distance relationship, I'm never relaxed, I'm imagining things, I imagine him meeting someone else, I imagine him lying, I can´t stand being in front of a computer talking with the person on skype. Eventually well pick a fight, there is nothing to talk about. I mean it is pathetic. Im in an important part of my life and I dont have time for this. And I don't know if im willing to keep this going just because i've found "someone that loves me".He says that we'll eventually get married that I'm his life, that I'm his motivation, but when I hear these words I just translate it into "bullshit". I'm not sure if its a self confidence problem, but self confidence insecurity issue or not, I would feel something in my heart. I'm never happy for him, sometimes I feel I don't even care anymore. I'm unsatisfied sexually but I can't say much because he flips out and starts asking stuff and picks a fight and I just get annoyed. I have never been sure if the right thing is to break up or leave, I'm so afraid I might regret this. At times I feel so vulnerable and needy, and others I could just ignore him all day. And even when we talk I'd rather not talk to him and hear about him going out, partying hard (we both have drug issues, since he's gone i've stopped completely, we were not regular users but every once in a while) getting drugged and just imagining him in situations that disgust me. Id rather not have this intranquility. In the end I still care and he is all I have, we have future plans, a cat and a home we've built, even though he left. I don't know what to do, I'm confused by these various feelings I have. Maybe the spark is gone, but why does he seem to feel the opposite way? Every time I have tried to break it up he cries and tells me he loves me he cant live without me etc etc. I don't know, Im confused! what should I do? Should I break it up? Anyone in the same situation? Why is it so hard to let go?
View related questions:
confidence, long distance, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 February 2011):
 I think the reason that you are finding everything so hard at the moment is because he is living away from you. Ask anyone long distance relationships are really not easy and it takes a lot of strength to keep them. Sometimes long distance just does not work out because it is hard not being able to spend quality time together and this is probably why you feel like giving up as you are not happy at the moment.
You need to look back on before he moved away and ask yourself were you happy with the both of you living together? If you were then keep that as your motivation to keep working on it for the next four months and then you will be with him again and hopefully things can go back to how they were.
However if you had these doubts before he moved away then it might be likely that you do care about him but it is not enough to make the relationship work, and if this is the case it is better to have a trial seperation so that you can have time on your own and ask yourself if you really want to be in this relationship or not. Never just settle for someone because you know they love you as you need to feel that love as well and you need to be really happy in the relationship. So ask yourself before he moved away were you truely happy. If not then I think it is best you take some time on your own.
I wish I could be more helpful. But I guess it is up to you now to think long and hard about your life and what you want. Goodluck hunny.
|
