A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 10 yrs and have two children. My problem is that my wife and I haven't had sex since Christmas eve. I keep asking her whats wrong with me/us and her excuse everytime is that she isn't interested and is turned off that I drop hints about having sex and that I get a Men's mag in the mail (that she bought me as a gift) and wants me to just drop the subject. I threw out all of the mags, I have done everything humanly possible to not mention sex or suggest it to give her as much space as possible to work thru this nonsexual phase she is in but I am really starting to wonder if it is me that has caused this behavior. Worst part is she is hanging out with her co-workers 5-6 nights a week after the kids are asleep and coming in @ mid everytime. When I ask her about that she gets mad and say's I'm smothering her, brings up how she for 4 yrs was home with the kids all the time while I was working 2 jobs (80 hrs a week to earn a living for my family)and it is her time to not be home, she got furious at me the when I asked if it was someone else. I'm completely confused and feel like nothing of a man right now.......
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell it has been six months. No sex, no change in her going out habits. Basically has threatened me with divorce and taking my children from me if I don't give her some space. When I question her motives about the kids she said courts don't award fathers kids and she will just mention instances of me yelling and disciplining the kids as I have to play disciplinarian because they dont listen to my wife at all. Life sucks right now........
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): "I am here looking for solid ideas to save my marriage and family, period." i am indeed sad to tell you this- after reading all the posts i don't think this is going to happen. you may want it but your wife not. i think you need a wake up call. this woman is not committed to you and your marriage. sorry but this is reality. i know you want to save it but save what?
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A
male
reader, jj. +, writes (27 May 2009):
counseling,,clergy,,wake up,etc....
you need a wakeup and you need it now..or you lose it to someone esle ,,if not the coworkers..or maybe already have..
life is to enjoy and your not..i spent a whole life time with a women and found out she wasnt happy so i with the kids..moved on..only after seeking counseling ,clergy and trying everything i could to solve my delemia..ending result,i had to suck it up and ask my self,,is this what i need for me or my kids..a women who wants to make up for lost time with her sibblings/family or friends.as hard as it is ..i had to move on..its been several years now and iam doing much better..i hope and pray you make the best decision for you and those kids..along with that wife your married too.Godbless.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionKlara, your questions and doubts are very reasonable. During those four years I was working a second job to help make ends meet on top of her job and my teaching job. Once she got a good paying job I quickly quit the second job to be @ home with my family as much as possible. I understand your doubts of my statements, I am not here looking for any sort of affirmation, I am here looking for solid ideas to save my marriage and family, period. There have been several good ideas discussed here and on her next day off I plan to suprise her with a night out to dinner and a movie, I plan on talking to her again about everything and suggesting counseling.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI work my normal 40hrs a week plus some as I a HS teacher and coach. My life is either @ work or @ home with the kids. The few nights a week I am not home immediately is b/c it is a gamenight.
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A
male
reader, unclezak  +, writes (25 May 2009):
Point out there's a huge difference between working 80 hours a week and what she's doing. You were out, but I'm guessing because you had to be out for your family.Do you have a social life at all? I'd say she's definitely taking advantage of you at the moment.Are you working?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really think at this point I am being taken advantage of. However when I mention the fact of her being out all the time, me doing everything etc she keeps going back to that 4 years and the fact that she is grown and can do what she wants. I want to make this work for the sake of our children. My own parents divorced and I promised myself I would never do that to my children. I even broke off a prior engagement with suspicions of cheating (turned out to be true) to make sure I didn't "settle" and made sure I married the right one. But at some point I have to start thinking of myself. I mean I don't wanna just come out and demand attention or sex or anything, but it sure crosses your mind at times. She is full blooded Italian and told me Italians didn't see counselors as they weren't weak as others may be..............swear I must be a wuss or something
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's the thing. I take the kids to and from school. I wash ALL the clothes and do all the dishes and cook everymeal. I clean the house. I do it all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): HI,
I agree, start small. Have you done the wash lately or put away the dishes, or had dinner ready for her when she gets home from work? I would try these things first. If you make the effort to show that you are trying, then maybe she will get the point.
If you have done these things and are doing them, then maybe something a little more sinister is at work here. I agree with the whole "distraction" thing, but 5 nights a week is absoutely unacceptable when you are supposed to be in a partnership. Tell her you both need counseling. And if she agrees then you may start to find out what is wrong with the relationship. Or, if it should continue at all.
good luck.
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