A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for over 4.5 years. Everything was smooth until now. My bf had gone on a vacation and had sex with some random girl. He knew he was doing the wrong thing and wasn't drunk but it still happened. He's still away but confessed to me the very next day. Apart from this, nothing wrong has ever happened between us. We love each other too much but i cant get ober this thought of what he did. Makes me feel miserable and i don't think i would want to see his face for a long time.He's very apologetic but i don't know if i'll be able to stay with him thinking about what happened. Please help. I'm confused. Should i give him another chance for his honesty? I need alot of time but would it be correct to forgive him once for cheating?Thanks
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female
reader, EFM94  +, writes (21 September 2016):
 I think you can definitely make this work. He has done a bad thing yes, doesn't mean he will keep on doing it though. He has cheated but some people learn and grow and become a better person after cheating.
It actually makes some couples stronger. Talk to him and get to the bottom of why he actually did it. What was missing in your relationship?
It was a mistake. We all make mistakes. Life is too short. If you really love each other then move on and be happy. You have been together long enough to make this work.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2016): I've been in a relationship for 9 years with a woman who I love very much. We've both cheated at different points, and when it's happened there's been hiccups, but there's no rule book on this stuff, nobody knows better then anyone else. If you still want to be with him then I think you could make it work. But you need to decide if that's what you want; THEN ask him to decide what he wants. If he want's you then he shouldn't be sleeping around, and tell him if he'd like to sleep around thats okay, but then he shouldn't be with you. I know it's easier said then done, but that's my 2 cents.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (13 April 2016):
 That depends, is cheating a deal-breaker for you or not?
For me personally, I'd thank him for his honesty and dump him.
He made the choice to cheat and then he felt guilty so he told you.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 His "honesty" ???? I mean really What do you think he'd do if you were honest with him that you'd just had a threesome with the folks in the house down the street. You think he'd go, OH fine! At least you were honest about it. I think you should just leave the guy...honestly!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 April 2016):
 Okay so yes he was honest, does that mean you should forgive him? Well if it was me no I wouldn't. It is opening a door for him to think it is okay to treat you this way. He had sex with another girl. So therefore there must be something lacking in your relationship, as if he was 100% committed to you well then he never would have done this. I understand that you love him and you want to be with him, off course you do. But could you honestly see yourself going out cheating on him? Or do you have more respect for him to not treat him like that?
At the end of the day weather you stay with him or not this is going to be tough for you. If you think that you can trust him and forgive him well then that is your choice. I wouldn't be able to trust him again, what happens the next time he goes on vacation? Will you be worried that he is having sex with some other girl. If it was so easy for him to cheat this time, then what is stopping him doing it again? Yes he was honest but that doesn't mean he did not ruin your relationship, or your trust.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm going through mixed emotions. When i think of the time spent with him and the amount i love him, i feel like being with him. Time might heal this or maybe not. But right now i feel disgusted to even think of him. Does he deserve another chance for his honesty? Does he deserve a chance bcos this was the only time in so long that he went off track
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A
male
reader, PellerinJacob  +, writes (12 April 2016):
As a guy I would say run. He cheated on you, sober. He had complete control of his actions. If you forgive him you are opening up a door for him to do as he pleases as long as he says sorry
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (12 April 2016):
 Every person has different emotions on cheating. Some can get over the fact and forgive while others cannot get over it and they don't forgive. Both are correct actions for that particular person. In other words, there is no "correct" response to being cheated on by your SO although most people would say that it is time to move on.
The best thing to do is soul search yourself, see where on the spectrum you are between forgive and don't forgive, then take that action. It is no longer about him, because whatever he thought about you has been compromised with that random girl. It is about you now and you have to evaluate yourself to see if down the line, few years from now, you can be with him.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (12 April 2016):
 I think you need to express your feelings honestly. Tell him it is going to take some time for you to get over this, and it may never be the same again. Tell him you need time to consider your options.
Then you should take your time, and let your heart guide you.
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