A
female
age
51-59,
*teppedOn
writes:Random Text Messages and Buying Calling Cards?So I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 years and he has a habit of buying calling cards to call other women. He also gets text messages at random hours from women. I never see these text messages but I can see them on his phone bill. When I confront him he says they are "just friends" or even women that he has to comunicate with for work but uses the calling card so I do not see the numbers on his cell phone bill. This is a consistant problem, a every 6 month habit. We fight over it, he feels none of this secrecy is "relationship threatening". Is this a habit that can be broken or the possibilty that these are "just friends" or am I just holding onto nothing?
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female
reader, SteppedOn +, writes (12 April 2007):
SteppedOn is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice,I appreciate it. He never mades or takes the call in front of me. I will try the cell phone thing, I love the detective work and YES, I am 100% insecure and I am seeing a therapist. The reason I am insecure is that he has continually done this to me and now I feel like he does not love me even though he says that he does. I know I should move on and if it were just me I would, but I have two kids (not his) and they love him as much as I do and I am scared to hurt them as well. At times I feel like I am just finding excuses to let him stay and tell myslef I do not care anymore. It is a mess and talking to comeone about it helps for sure
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Hi there,
I would be concerned too. I know all my fiancé friends by name whether from work or even old friends and he knows mine as well. When friends call i don't usually ask him any more cos the trust is there.He volunteers to tell me himself and ask me if I would like to say hi.I believe in openness to a certain level, it builds trust.
I think it is a habit that can be broken but not sure if he is ready to do that. He seems to want to continue in this trend of secrecy. Am afraid you partly encouraged him to keep up with this. You could have let him know from the first moment you noticed this that you will only stay in a relationship were there are no secrets.
You mentioned in your posting that he feels this is no threat to the relationship. Perhaps this is an avenue you can try exploiting. My advise is that you should make him realise that you cannot keep up with it any more. Tell him you would like to meet up or talk to his friends, co-workers or whoever he has been calling.If he doesn't want this then perhaps it is time for you to start evaluating if this is the kind of relationship you would like to remain in.
All the best
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A
male
reader, Elmo Guy +, writes (12 April 2007):
well...it depends....often people think im cheating on them because my best friends are femail..and i am close to them all the time. so...is this your boyfriend? have there been any other pointers? because on this alone, from a guys perspective...he isn't doing anything. Also, take a look at yourself, what state of mind are you in? Have there been any major changes in your relationship? Look at yourself before you look at what he is doing, if you have low self esteem right now...then that might be all it is. Often times women don't realise that guys need some privacy to, we need someone to talk to other than our girlfriend, and we need to deal with personal stuff to. But look at it logicly, remove as much emotion as possible..and just think it through, if you have to, go to a therapist or a psychologist or a therapist and ask them. Just make sure its not just insucurtiy or emotion before you do anything.
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789 +, writes (12 April 2007):
 Dear SteppedOn,
Hey hun, what kind of cell phone does he have if he has a monthly cell phone you can go to the internet site for example if he has verison go to www.version.com and set up an account for that phone and some times they have a place where you can go and find out what these text messing says..not all phone companys have it but try it if you are wondering what they say..when he talks to these ladies does he go into other rooms or where you cant hear him? like he is hiden things from you? just watch how he acts towards these ladies if he is all happy talkin to them then they arent ladies for work, and if he is hiden from you then i would start to worrie but honestly i would check on this go to the website and set up an account if you need more advice how to do this you can private mess. me on here and i can walk you through the steps...well good luck and i hope it all works out for you.
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