A
female
age
51-59,
*ria11
writes:How do I know if I can trust my boyfriend?My bf and I were attending his nephew’s high school’s volleyball games. The nephew was new to the sport, and pretty much sat on the bench every game. At most, he got to serve once or twice.At these games there was a ‘team’ mother who went to all the games. While I was in the bathroom, the nephew introduced my bf to the team mother. When I came out, nobody bothered to introduce me.From then on, my bf checked for this woman at every game. I could see that she was aware and flattered by him looking for her. The stares continued game after game, and I notice changes in the woman’s dress - tighter jeans, a blouse instead of a t-shirt, and 4-inch heels instead of flat tennis shoes. I had tried to discuss the various incidents with my bf, but he got angry. He would not hear me out. He just told me I have an overactive imagination and that I was insecure.My bf did not invite me to one of the home games, and he just happened to get his home several hours late that night. He said he went out to pizza with his niece’s bf, I'll call John. That made no sense to me. John was never at any of the other home games. Also, my bf wouldn’t hang out with John and go have pizza, and next time I saw John, he was overacting about what goo-ooooooood pizza it was. I did not believe he was out to pizza with AC that evening. I let my bf know I wanted to go to home games so he invited me to the next one. The team mother’s husband was there, and for the first time, I knew she was married. Her husband had never been to any of the other games. She got up to go into the lobby (I guess go to the bathroom) and he got up and followed her. I saw her roll her eyes to the back of her head. It appeared the husband was keeping an eye on her. That evening after that game, my bf and I came to my house. He was sitting at my kitchen counter with his arms crossed, and he plopped his head down on his arms. I asked him what was wrong. He said something about being depressed about his nephew not playing the games. (Hmmm, his nephew never played in any of the past ten games, so why depressed about it now?) I surmised he too might have just learned this woman had a husband. Later, I was to find out that he actually knew the husband from playing adult recreational volleyball on the same team as him. Could the fact that he knew the husband be a clue as to what was really bothering him?I know I don’t have anything concrete facts to go on, just a lot of surmising on my part. When I attempted to talk to my bf about the incidents, he refused to understand or to even consider that maybe I have legitimate reasons to ask him about what is really going on. He’d turn the argument to one of me not trusting him.I don’t know if he had some sort of fling, or just a drink, or nothing at all with this woman. It just seems like there are a lot of warning flags. What would you think?There have been other flirting issues, before and after the above incidents, but I did not suspect he had actually cheated on me. When I pointed out any incidents, he would just keep silent and not provide any response, or he would lie or deny what really happened. Once, I saw him point to a picture of a sexy woman in a cocktail dress, and then to his penis. He denied he did this. I went over it in my head again and again, wondering if I really saw what I knew I really saw. Of course I saw it, and he finally admitted he did it when I told him it wasn’t a big deal. Yes, a picture of a woman wasn’t nearly as big a deal as a real woman.
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cheated on me, depressed, flirt, insecure Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): treat them mean to keep them kean. lost interest pretend to be into some other guy or just wear something sexy and knew and when if calls to the door open it and say oh its you and smile he be like wtf. i no it's childish and nah he didn't have anything to do with the borad thats just for show. but he should show that interest in you. he doesnn't ivite youy cos he's having a laugh with your one or his mates about your one and he knows u be pissed. but hon i wouldn be hanging aaround all night i go off and do something to show your not waiting around
A
female
reader, MaySpring +, writes (25 July 2011):
I think if he's not willing to even talk about what's on your mind, he's probably doing what you think he's doing. You should just leave him and go with someone who doesn't have a tendency to flirt. That's just my opinion though, so think it through:)
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A
male
reader, Natures relic +, writes (25 July 2011):
I think you've basically answered your own question.
I can't, and no one can, say whether he has or has not betrayed you in anyway, but I would suggest your relationship is not concrete, whether that be due to his actions or your suspicions is neither here nor there.
All I can say for certainty is this. If I suspect that my partner feels suspicious about anything or she tells me directly, I wil do everything I can to re-assure her, calmly and patiently, for the simple reason that I know how bad it can feel to have such suspicions and I don't want her to feel that way. I seriously doubt I would ever get mad with her or huffy unless she was adamant and I had done all I could to prove my innocence.
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