A
female
age
30-35,
*hinkingOverdrive
writes:My boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me a year and a bit ago and I only recently found out. We broke up last January and got back together in May. I found out about the cheating 3 months ago after his sister had enough of his behaviour and set me straight - apparently he slept with someone the previous summer, and slept with someone whilst we were broken up and recorded it on his phone and showed his sisters friends, amongst other things. All the while he acted SO in love with me; whilst we were broken up he called me almost every day crying and pleading for me to give it another chance - knowing he'd cheated and lied. I kissed someone once during the break and told him about it and he's done nothing but give me hell about it ever since, claiming I cheated on him and he'll never get over it...When she told me he'd slept with someone I was absolutely devastated - if there was one thing I thought he'd never do it would be cheat. He denied the whole thing, saying he's never done anything to hurt me and never would - despite the fact his sister had sent me print screens of texts/ facebook messages from a year ago between her and the girl in question where she mentions sleeping with him. He said she'd altered the date on her phone to make it look convincing; a trick which he has since promised to show me how to do in order to prove it was fake (but conveniently keeps forgetting to do)Inside I knew it was true, but a part of me tried to deny it, as he'd never given me any cause for suspicion, so I stupidly blamed her for trying to ruin things and tried to carry on as normal with him. It hasn't worked, and I've been a suspicious, nervous wreck ever since, always wondering what he's really up to/ speaking to, which has caused him to keep having angry outbursts to me about me not trusting him, claiming he's fed up with me, and that I'm pathetic for choosing to believe what his sister said.On NYE his family had a party at his house to which I went, and that was the first time I've seen his sister and her partner since this whole thing came out. Long story short, we talked and they told me again how it was all true, and that he'd been taking drugs again (he experimented for a bit in summer, then he started to have money problems, and said he'd stopped doing it). I'd thought he had been as several times I've been with him his pupils were huge and when I kissed him I smelt it on him, but he denied it saying that he'd touched his wallet where he used to keep it (which stinks of it) so that was probably it. Once again, I buried my head in the sand even though I knew he was lying, and I know he's lied about other smaller things as well.On NYE I asked if he was on drugs. He told me he wasn't. His sister text me the next day asking how I was, and sent me a print screen of texts they'd exchanged the day before - something like: HIM "I've got 3 grams on me" HER "How do you have the money - I'm skint! Is *my name* coming tonight?" HIM "I have my ways lol. You can pinch some if you want. Yeah she's already here" HER "No thanks. Does she not mind you taking it?" HIM: "She won't know... she's *my name*"I was so shocked he openly talks about lying to me, it made me feel sick. I asked what else he says about my back, apparently he says I've got fat and he's making me go to the gym (we joke that we've both put on a little weight - hardly fat though), that he hates my hair colour and is making me change it (sort of true, but he didn't MAKE me), that he brags about getting out of the whole cheating thing and laughs about it! I can't believe how different he is to the person he acts like when he's with me! I phoned him last night and asked him to swear on our relationship (since he claims that's the most important thing in his life) that he didn't do drugs on NYE, and he swore that he didn't - well I know he's lying because of the texts. I can't believe he can lie to me so easily without even flinching. He acts so lovey-dovey with me all the time, texts me all the time, phones me every day, always wants to see me, tells me he loves me all the time and that I'm beautiful and perfect and one in a million - so why did he cheat on me and why does he continue to lie to my face!?I know I need to end this, but I'm so scared of being alone. I'm only 20, but I don't have many friends and he's the main person in my life - I don't meet people easily and am quite shy and self conscious at first, so I'm scared I won't meet anyone else and I don't want to be alone forever. Also, this guy has always been so loving - talks about wanting to propose, wanting us to have children someday - all sorts. And he's turned out to be a lying, cheating, drug taking piece of scum. How am I ever going to be able to trust another guy again? If they act loving and sweet, I'm afraid I'll just think they're cheating on me too :( What do I do?!
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broke up, cheated on me, drugs, facebook, got back together, money, shy, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Paula4u +, writes (6 January 2013):
 How will you ever trust again... there is no easy answer on this.. take your time next time with the next love . Take your time
A
female
reader, ThinkingOverdrive +, writes (5 January 2013):
ThinkingOverdrive is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell today I hacked into his email (to delete any private pictures he might still have had of me so he can't use them as leverage) and saw he'd sent a video of himself masturbating to some girl like a couple of weeks ago. Then I realised since I was in his email I could get into his facebook, and thank god I did.Dozens and dozens and dozens of messages to loadddsss of girls, most doing the whole 'woe is me' act trying to get compliments, asking for naked pictures etc. I also read parts of a conversation (it has over 3000 messages!) with the girl he cheated with last year which confirms it; she apparently loved him and he really liked her and so put an end to it so they could be friends. Also he slept with someone else last year. Plus all these people know he was seeing me - whenever they asked if we were still together he'd say 'no' or 'not for long i'm fed up of her' or stuff like that - even though we were very much together and i was unaware of the whole thing!!How do people like this even exist - and how can they live with themselves knowing what they're doing and not even feel guilty!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): You;ll heal in time you know, look at what has happened as wake up call to how some people really are. There are many good men out there! The point isn't to find some one to complete you, as if your not happy just buy your self then you'll never truly be happy with a partner.I advice going a safer route, join Facebook if you have not already, and make friends, you also stand a good chance of finding some one on there that could be come your future boyfriend :) And please take it slow it's much safer. Besides if your not best friends with some one you live then it's not going to last in the long run.About trust.. trust has to be earned the same as respect. That creep you were going out with brook both of those.Here visit this site: http://www.heartlessbitches.comIt's about both women and men being equal and stop focusing on gender stereotypes and stuff like that. Also has lots of abuser red flags to watch out for.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (5 January 2013):
You yourself have answered yourself when you stated in your letter .That You know that you need to end it. You are alone in this relationship if one could call it that.Once trust is broken its gone for good .At the tender age of 20 years start living life. Join clubs, take up new hobbies where you can meet mixed company. do a course you might be interest in.But dont waste anymore time on a Cheating boyfriend who comes across as inmature .Remember life is for living. Best Luck . Nora B.
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A
female
reader, ThinkingOverdrive +, writes (5 January 2013):
ThinkingOverdrive is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the response, I know it's not ok - and the fact that he has been able to act head over heels in love with me all the while knowing what he has done and continuously lying to my face just makes it 10000x worse.How will I ever be able to trust someone again? I had no clue that he had done anything until his sister told me - although he did act manipulative and overly jealous sometimes I just thought that was his character - overall he was still loving and attentive. But if he was able to do all that whilst cheating, lying and bragging about it behind my back how will I be able to put faith in another man? :(
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2013): He cheated with you that is NEVER OK. The moment he did that you should have dropped him and fast!
Oh so him cheating is ok and your chaste kiss is not? What kind of a not job is he?! He has no justification to be acting that way. His jealousy is unwarranted.
He just creams of emotional manipulator and of an mental abusive person just from reading your first few paragraphs.
Get a clue! He's poison and is only playing mind games with you RUN and fast! There is no maybe and what if here I can see his craziness clearly, the question is can you?
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