A
female
age
51-59,
*ropicalgal39
writes:My boyfriend and I have been living together for the past year. At the beginning of this his hygiene never seemed to be a problem but now one year later, he goes for 3 or more days without having a shower. This disgust me soo much. He is 38yrs old, a man, I shouldnt have to tell him what he needs to do. Mon to Fri, he showers before he goes to work but weekends especially when he would be at home and we should be enjoying each other, he sometimes doesnt shower. So he showers on Friday morning before he goes to work and his next shower is going to be Monday morning when he goes to work again. Once he refuses to take a shower we can never be intimate. What should I do in a sensitive case as this, I thought of just coming out to him straight to the point about his hygiene habits but Im fearful of his attitude because of his aggresive behaviour once he is put on the spot about any issue. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tropicalgal39 +, writes (11 August 2008):
tropicalgal39 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am so glad that I came out and spoke about my boyfriends disgusting hygiene habits, I was at my wits end. I dont know that I would have done without a forum like Cupid.
I truly appreciate all the advice given and I will be confronting him about his hygiene very soon.
Thanks again !!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): Tell him how you feel and if he does not do something about himself you are leaving.
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A
female
reader, MissWendlemoot  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 I went through this with a guy before. I made the mistake of trying to be polite about it.
Finally his employer told him that he stunk and not to come into work unless he was bathed and clean clothes.
The bluntness did it!
So tell him he stinks and don't sleep with him or anything until he is clean.
Be very direct and blunt. Men get blunt. They don't get hinting around.
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A
female
reader, Fairy Godmother  +, writes (11 August 2008):
 You have every right to tell him how you feel about his lack of personal hygiene. Quite honestly, it's disgusting and I don't blame you at all for feeling as you do.
You must talk to him and explain how you feel (with sensitivity), and ask him to shower every day out of respect for himself and for you.
I worry that you are fearful of his attitude and aggressive behaviour. It's a separate issue but a relationship where you aren't able to speak freely for fear is not good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2008): I get the impression you are scared of him in some way and his reaction is the thing that is putting you off saying. However there is a way to communicate this issue by being calm and polite and saying you want to be intimate - maybe suggest a joint shower!! If he gets defensive and angry he is not bothered about how you feel and this is wrong you should not feel unable to say how you feel and he is just being dirty - its not right to not wash each day. If he does not change I think re-consider whether you want to tolerate this behaviour any longer.
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