A
female
age
41-50,
*lwaysfaithful
writes:I have been in a relationship with a man for just over 2 years. We live together and have talked about getting married. About a year ago, we got into a huge fight and he broke up with me. I have a feeling that he starting messing around with other people even though we still lived together. We reconciled (so i thought) but ever since then, I have had huge trust issues with him. He always tells me and other people that i am just an insecure person, but everytime I have had feelings that something was going on, I have found it! Whether is is emails, myspace messages, or text messages, my suspicions have been correct. I know that it is wrong to look at his personal information, but I just want to be sure that i am not being naieve by believing everything is ok when he is really going behind my back. Today, I noticed that he signed up on adult friend finder and is looking for discreet, no strings attached 'fun.' I am heartbroken because we just spent the holidays together with my family and i thought that everything in our relationship was going well. I am not going to confront him with it because he will only get defensive and I know that it wont change anything. If he wants to look elsewhere, he is going to do it and no amount of confrontation when I find things like that is going to change things. He also hangs out with guys who cheat on their wives and girlfriends, but he instists that he isnt know of them. I find it hard to believe that when his married friend calls him to come to a bar and the friend is messing around with a woman there, my boyfriend is just there twiddling his fingers. I guess I already know the answer to my situation, but it is so hard because I love him so much and have been 100% faithful. I have supported him when he had no job and encouraged him to follow his dreams in life, but in the end, I'm the one left looking like a fool. What should I do? everything that I have is tied up in this relationship and we've lived together for so long. What is the best way to end this situation without a huge blowup? I want him to understand how much he has hurt me and the reasons why I am leaving, but I dont want to cry about it and I dont want it to turn into a fight.
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broke up, heartbroken, insecure, myspace, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2009): My heart feels for you.I was in the same situation years ago.I even found him in bed with someone else and I still kept taking him back.It was habit and changes were scary. Thinking I would be with out this person made me scared.I lost myself in the process. I finally took the biggest step of my life. Taking care of myself!! He then wanted me back and I said NO.As hard as it was, it was the best thing I have ever done in my life.I am now married 11 years to the best mate I could ever have imagined.Yes the ex still has called me after my marriage and has told me that it was the biggest mistake of his like to let me go. Yeah for me!! I just tell him to get on with his life, because I have.I found out in my finding myself process that I could forgive him for his unfaithfulness but I could never forget!! It took me awhile to trust again. But I am so glad that when I could trust myself and my heart again and believe in the choices that I can make for myself, that is when true love found me!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): To understand the fundamentals of being in a relationship, go to www.loveclipse.com. It will explain the missing of piece puzzle. This may have the answer to your question.
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A
female
reader, cemoi  +, writes (10 January 2009):
The way that you leave him and make it final is this:
-Look for your own place, or talk to a friend or family member so that when you leave him, you have a place to sleep.
-Once you have a place, pack up you stuff and move it out
then talk to him, at your place together if you feel comfortable there, or meet up for coffee or lunch and tell him that you are leaving him and tell him why - don't just turn it into a character bash (although that sounds like it will be difficult), just say why YOU aren't happy and if he ties to argue, bring your voice down, stay cool and try not to cry.
then the hardest part - don't go back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2009): You need to get out of this toxic relationship while you still have some self-esteem. It will be hard for you at first, but after some time you will feel liberated. If you don't have trust in a relationship, then there is no relationship. You are feeling insecure, yes, because he has given you reasons to feel that way. And in return, he is feeling smothered by your accusations, and goes out to find someone or something that doesn't make him feel that way. I have been there, done that. Get out now. Sit him down, tell him you know that he is "on the market" and it's time for you to put yourself on the market, and find someone who will be faithful and honest with you, and move on. Good luck.
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