A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all,I need your help with a crisis I'm going through. I am an extremely reserved person and tend to be myself most of the time. I like it this way. It's always been like this since I was a kid. However, as an adult there are situations where I need to function differently for obvious reasons like working in a team, building my network, and socializing. The situation is even worse when it comes to women I'm attracted to. Instead of approaching them and talking to them, I go out of my way to avoid them. I have tried the whole fake it till you make it routine but it just feels so exhausting. Are there any of you quiet types who have successfully adapted to make things happen for you? Any tips for me? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (15 August 2016):
 Stop seeing women as potential conquests/partners and see them as human beings and potential friends, no different to men you might meet. After making friends with them, moving onto the next step will be so much easier than going there from nothing.
A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (15 August 2016):
 I'm an introvert who had to practice how to be an extrovert. It takes hard work but I am living proof it can be done. I am not still the best in groups but when it comes to one-one or being out in public I am very comfortable now and can even (dare i say?) "shine". I agree with Denizen. Its not so much about faking it but its all about PRATICE. You have to keep at it. Say hi to strangers, speak up when spoken to, make eye contact, and openly express your feelings. Steps that I realize help me through this process was 1) Exercise (when adrenaline is runninig your body it feels great and is the BEST confidence booster) When I am walking with someone and having a conversation, those are the best. My body and mind is racing but even more so I feel engaging, funny, and at my best. GET OUT OF MIND and INTO YOUR BODY.2) Get out of your body and focus on outward thinking Introverts are self conscious and process things inwardly, so start doing outward processing: THINKING OUT LOUD and saying it and DOING it out in open. This helps with confidence, ease, and the more you practice the more you get better and get of that self-conscious funk that most introverts get stuck on. For example I know many introverts who are funny but keep it to themselves. If you have a good sense of humor, make it shine. Instead of saying it to yourself, say it out loud with a co-worker or friend and see how easy it is for them to laugh with you and that, my friend, is a confidence booster. 3) Open up and tell friends you need people to practice with. Before you practice with strangers I say do it with friends or family first. Ask them questions, be a good listener (most introverts are) and focus on being engaging. Conversations are like dancing, you must balance between listening and moving the conversation forward with questions and laughter, feelings, etc. I say when you start feeling a little bit more confident, start joining meet ups where you can engage with strangers confidently on your own. And that way when you do develop a crush, youll feel confident enough to strike out a confident Hello instead of a awkward hi.So much of our attraction to people is base on how comfortable they are with themselves. I say dont TRY to change who you are but continue GROW into a more awesome and engaging you. YOu will always be an introvert and that makes you special. But you also need to know how to open up, engage, love life, and let yourself be loved too. Thats the beauty of it all. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (15 August 2016):
I feel a big part of my introvert nature stems from the way I communicate. An introvert is not some one who is anti-social but someone who simply becomes tired or drained from socializing. It is important to know those slight differences because it only benefits you.
I used to be very drained after socializing because I simply used much energy in communicating my thoughts or put too much effort into listening when it was not needed. Over time, I learned to adjust myself. I adjusted by reading, taking part in more conversations, and taking up challenges like speaking to an audience, business meetings and that sort.
If you are having a hard time simply communicating, then you may lack self confidence and this is something you can work on. Knowledge is power, so you should do some much needed research into your problem if you ever hope to solve it. Advice can only go so far.
Otherwise, there is nothing wrong with who you are. A part of growing up is accepting who you are, and knowing where you want to be in the time to come. You can define who you are.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (15 August 2016):
 What have you done to help yourself so far? You realise that if you don't make the effort your chances of finding someone are limited?
If you have to be exhausted by faking it then so be it - that's what it is going to take for you.
Realise it isn't easy. You have to do the best you can. There is no magic formula. There are girls who prefer quiet types. Just be brave.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2016): When I grew up I was the same way like you, I get very nervous around guys I like or if I heard from my friends they like me back..... I avoid being around them so at the end.....they though I'm stuck up b*^#. I finally got over it when I was around 25 I think because one of the guys I like approached me. Because I was like this he was my first boyfriend & my first love and now we're married with 5 kids. Becareful I have a friend who was just like me she's very beautiful no one want to ask her out because she's beautiful now she's married to the loser who approached her first he's unemployed while she works 2 jobs......they got 5 kids together. There's no point for you to be nervous around people you like now that I'm older and more mature.
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